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I guess I'm being selfish

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Ok, DH is a reenactor; he's away starting today, for 3 days. He always says he'll call me when he gets there, to let me know he got there ok. I do worry, as he has to travel for a few hours, usually--and recently, he left in very bad snow/ice. (I come from a family where you always do this, if traveling.)

Anymore, he "forgets". I sit here for literally hours, waiting for him to call, and worrying. To add insult to injury, he's the one that insisted I get a cell phone, and I pay the stupid bill (I seldom use my phone, BTW), which he runs up, and goes over on the minutes. Yet, a lot of the time, when I call him, he's not available, or, "Jeff & I got busy with the stuff at the reenactment, and I forgot to call you."

Tonight is the last straw. He must have arrived there no later than 3PM today. I decided to call him at 8 PM tonight, not having gotten a call. Didn't answer. Tried again a few minutes later, both times leaving messages. No call. I just tried a few minutes ago; as it went right to voicemail, I know he must have seen that he had 2 messages, and that I was trying to contact him, yet turned the phone off. I'm afraid the last message was not very nice. I controlled my temper, but said, "I've have been trying to get ahold of you; and can see that you turned your phone off despite that. Please tell me why we even bother to have cell phones? Also, I kind wonder what you're doing in that you don't want me to call you [side note: no battle today; the actual event doesn't start until tomorrow afternoon--it's just guys only tonight, and sleep]? Don't bother to call back. See you Sunday. 'Bye."

I kind of wonder if he's up to something no good there. I have NEVER in the 6 years we've been together, thought of this; but his little game with not calling, and then ignoring my calls is making me paranoid, I guess, and this has happened before. One guy used to bring loose women to the events (cheated on his wife), but they threw him out due to this. One guy brought a stripper once. Another brought his girlfriend to belly dance for the guys in the barracks.

I try hard not to be a one of theose reenacting wives who rides herd on her man--I used to be a reenactor myself. However, this is starting to bother me a bit. I only call if I need to, or, usually, because he didn't when he promised to. I want him to have fun, so I try not to bother him needlessly. However, I think that, if your spouse calls you, you should to try call back ASAP. Am I being selfish?
post #2 of 7
Nope! Common courtesy to call and say that he got there ok. Lack of respect to not return your calls. Sorry, I'm not trying to add fuel to your fire, but I can totally see where you are coming from. I would be pretty peeved in your shoes.
post #3 of 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by MargeCat View Post
However, this is starting to bother me a bit. I only call if I need to, or, usually, because he didn't when he promised to. I want him to have fun, so I try not to bother him needlessly. However, I think that, if your spouse calls you, you should to try call back ASAP. Am I being selfish?
No, I don't think you're being selfish. I would be bothered too if my hubby said he'd call me when he got there and never did.

Playing the devil's advocate here: he could have left the cell in the vehicle and missed the call. (I do that all the time..)

But that is no excuse for not following thru on something he said he'd do, or ignoring your later calls.

I hope he has called since you posted this thread.
post #4 of 7
No, you're not being selfish.

Quote:
I kind of wonder if he's up to something no good there. I have NEVER in the 6 years we've been together, thought of this; but his little game with not calling, and then ignoring my calls is making me paranoid, I guess, and this has happened before. One guy used to bring loose women to the events (cheated on his wife), but they threw him out due to this. One guy brought a stripper once. Another brought his girlfriend to belly dance for the guys in the barracks.
Okay, I have a major problem with that. To my way of thinking (and please forgive me for saying it) it sounds as if your hubby is
a) up to no good
b) inconsiderate
c) getting some kind of kick out of controlling the situation
d) embarrassed to be checking in with you in front of his friends

You mentioned you used to be a re-enactor; do you not enjoy it anymore? Could you possibly plan to go with him at the "last minute" occasionally?
I could understand if he forgot to call once in a blue moon, but it sounds as if this has become a common occurence. I think that you should sit him down when he comes home and explain to him just how much this bothers you. I wish you the best of luck getting thru to him; husband's aren't always the easiest people to get along with.
post #5 of 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by spudsmom View Post
Nope! Common courtesy to call and say that he got there ok. Lack of respect to not return your calls. Sorry, I'm not trying to add fuel to your fire, but I can totally see where you are coming from. I would be pretty peeved in your shoes.
Couldn't have said it better. I think you two need to have a little talk once he's home, and clarify that the reason you want the call from him is so you don't need to worry about what ditch he's in, and once you know he's arrived safely, you can get on with your life -- and he with his.
post #6 of 7
Quote:
Originally Posted by Snake_Lady View Post
No, I don't think you're being selfish. I would be bothered too if my hubby said he'd call me when he got there and never did.

Playing the devil's advocate here: he could have left the cell in the vehicle and missed the call. (I do that all the time..)

But that is no excuse for not following thru on something he said he'd do, or ignoring your later calls.

I hope he has called since you posted this thread.
I have to agree with this!

Or maybe he has patchy signal too... On my phone it will still ring on the callers end but not mine and wont alert me to a voice mail until I get to a spot with signal.
I tell my BF to call me when he gets home and most of the time he does great with it but there have been times that something has come up as soon as he walks in the door or he has to make multiple trips and simply forgets to call.
But I usually end up freaking myself out and getting worked up for nothing.

Before you jump to conclusions you need to sit down with him and talk to him about it!

And btw: Belly dancing is not something to be worried about... yes it can be provocative at times, but not always. Its fun and a great way to keep in shape!
post #7 of 7
Thread Starter 
He finally called around 5PM TODAY. I had left a few more messages during the day--his phone was turned off. And he did get my 2 messages from last night. His excuse: "Jeff and I got busy with stuff with the guys. I didn't have time to call you." Over 24 hours is not enough? I promptly told him that this is not considerate, nor acceptable, espcially after he told he that he'd have his phone turned off until Sunday afternoon. Ok, I understand turning it off during the 1-hour battle each day--it's very un-cool to stop mid-battle, to answer the phone, never mind inauthentic! However, for 3 days? I pointed out that it would be a good idea to have it on at least some of the time, in case of an emergency here--he's my next of kin, and my emergency contacts card in my wallet states this. I have nobody else to have them call, really. If I were in a life or death medical situation, and I couldn't speak, how would they know to "call the barracks at the event site", as he told me?? I'm not tryig to make a mountain out of a molehill, but really, isn't this part of the reason we have cell phones??? I only ask him to call me when he gets there--and, even then, it's only events that are more than 1 hour away, and/or if the roads are bad there. I seldom call people just to chat.

If one of his buddies calls him, he rushes to the cell phone pronto.

We WILL be discussing this little problem when he gets home Sunday.

I used to belly dance, too, years ago! It is great exercise. I've been thinking about getting back into it.
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