or Connect
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Don't know why I am bummed about this but
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Don't know why I am bummed about this but

post #1 of 12
Thread Starter 
Yesterday, my sil came over and our house was a complete disaster ok?..well, today, hubby comes home and tells me that sil, and mil want to come clean my house for me...they are always asking him instead of me..they both have msn messanger and I always have it on..(almost always), and they could call me or message me about it....anytime there is something they need to know, they talk to him about it....well, his brother's wife is a different story..they call her and talk to her more than they do me...am I the daughter in law from hell or something? ohh well, that really isn't my point...my point is that I am offended by it..dh hasn't given them answer yet, but he sees no problem with it..I guess I don't but I am just not comfortable with them here....the kids get out of school on Thursday, and they want to come over on Friday to do this....there will be 6 kids in this house then...I am not sure if I can handle my mil, sil and 6 kids would you be offended? would it make you just want to clean your house from top to bottom so they don't need to?
when my sil came over yesterday, it was at one of the worst times..if someone comes over, or lets me know beforehand, I will make it a priority to clean more than usual....that's just me though...would you want them coming to your house even though the comfort level is not what you like???? I like them and all, but for them go to MY husband, and ask him about it, instead of me, offends me.....
post #2 of 12
This is just my personal opinion on the subject:

I would never have anybody else ever clean my house. I am the type of person who would not want anyone in my bedroom, or anywhere else for that matter. I've been offered the chance to have a housekeeper come in since I'm really busy w/ my home daycare, and I turn it down every time. I stay up late at night to clean, and I usually spend the entire day on Saturdays just doing housework. I feel as though its nobody else's job but my own to do it.

Just my honest opinion though.
post #3 of 12
Kathy, I understand why you're bummed! Of course I'm sure they're offer to help is well-intentioned and not just critical...???? But if Friday's not a good day, then Friday's not a good day!

I wouldn't be surprised if you didn't want to accept their offer, either. There's nothing wrong with wanting to be responsible for your own home. For goodness sake... sometimes stuff happens, people get busy, and the house becomes a mess! There's certainly nothing wrong with that. I think the important issue is how you decide to handle it.

The first thing to decide, obviously, is whether or not you want their help. If you have a lot on your hands, it is something you'd appreciate, and/or you enjoy their company, then by all means accept. But have them help at a time when it works for ALL of you, not just them.

If you feel this is something they want to do because they're being critical, or you don't enjoy their company, then don't make excuses. Simply explain, or have hubby explain, that it was just a bad day, not typical, and you're NOT a bad "housekeeper" !!

If you're kind of inbetween, then maybe consider accepting, find a day that works for all of you when the place won't be crowded with kids (and if you've cleaned up in the meantime, they can help with detail stuff or whatever...). You can use that time to get closer to them, and maybe talk about how you feel sad that they don't feel comfortable speaking to you directly.

I don't know the personalities in your family, but could it simply be the personalities of your hubby vs. his brother? My hubby is EXTREMELY outgoing, and I'm pretty sure he spends more time talking to my parents now than I do! Is his brother more of an introvert, something that would lead them to talk to his wife more? It might be a simple explaination like that. ???

It could also be that maybe they've just become better friends with your SIL - maybe they've got more in common or whatever. It's hard to speculate without knowing more.

But I just wanted to say that I can understand why you're hurt. And maybe you can use the opportunity of having them over to talk about some of your issues? It could all be quite innocent. Maybe they perceive that you're busy, and they just don't want to bother you! Maybe this could create a nice opportunity for you to find out what's up.

post #4 of 12
Thread Starter 
That is kinda how I feel....If it were my mom, I wouldn't have a problem with it...my comfort level with them just isn't right up there ya know like it is with my mom.. so I just don't feel quite right....all over though, it is more of them always going to my hubby first before me than anything...they don't take the time to get to know me, but the other sil, well, she always calls her for stuff and just for chit chat...not me though....I dunno...maybe I am just a freak
post #5 of 12
Maybe it's just my bad experiences with mils, but I would be very offended. Even if it weren't just a bad day and your house wasn't up to your usual standards, it is none of their business. If they don't like the way your house is, they could stay home. My mil was always ragging on me about my house, even when it was cleaner than hers, so I just told her to leave if she didn't like it. Yours may be nicer than mine, and mean well, but it is still not up to her.
post #6 of 12
Kathy, I know if someone did that to me, I would also be offended. I was living in my house exactly 6 weeks when my mom decided to invite everyone there for Thanksgiving dinner. I worked like a dog to get it in the best possible shape. After dinner, my mom and aunt volunteered to do the dishes, which I gratefully accepted...until my sister came into the living room a few minutes later and whispered to me. I wwent out into the kitchen and found them rearranging the contents of all my kitchen cabinets "because the way you have it set up doesn't make any sense". I was mortified and offended, and my mom and aunt were offended that I was offended. The day ended in a bad way all round

The bottom line is, it is your home, and you have the right to tell them NO.
post #7 of 12
Geez, Sue, that's awful!!! Kathy, I don't know if you saw my post because I think I was writing at the same time as you were responding to Daniela... but it's sure starting to look like I'm in the minority for even considering having them over!!!
post #8 of 12
Have you checked out FlyLady It has helped me tremendously. I found out about it here and have been passing it along. Hope you like it!
post #9 of 12
I would also be very offended. How you keep your house is your business. Are they visiting their family or checking up on how you clean? If you didn't get a chance to clean up like you normally would, they should understand that sometimes this happens. I agree with Laurie that you could talk to them about how you feel, maybe they don't realize you feel a little left out.
post #10 of 12
Kathy, I can understand why you'd be upset. If they wanted to clean your house, they should have asked you. To me it sounds like they didn't want to ask you because they knew you'd say no. This way by asking your hubby, they figured he'd just say yes and you wouldn't have a say so in it.

Plus, what gives them the right to even ask to clean your house? That right there would offend me BIGTIME! It shouldn't matter if THEY think your houses needs cleaning or not...it isn't their house to make that decision.

If you don't want them over at all to clean, put your foot down now or it will probably only get worse later on. Stand up for yourself Kathy! Don't let them control you!
post #11 of 12
That really depends. Are you going through a hard time in your life right now? If so, or if that is perceived to be so, they could be doing this as a generous gesture on their part. Talk to your husband and see what he thinks. Get him to give you an honest answer (not just a couple of grunts). He knows them better than you do and should be able to tell you if it's meant to be a help or to be offensive.

If it's meant to be a help you don't have to accept it, but respond graciously, "Oh you two are so wonderful! But I just wouldn't feel right having the two of you do MY work! I just have to thank you for thinking about it, though!" You could even do that if it's meant to be offensive and really put them in a snit. LOL
post #12 of 12
They sound kind of controlling to me. Do they want to do this for you as a gift or do they want some extra money? It just sounds odd to me. Why would they go to him and not to you?
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Don't know why I am bummed about this but