Is this normal?? my boyfriend and his new roommate

keycube

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Whether it works out to be a good situation or not, I always liken situations like this to be perfect litmus tests. If all goes well and there are no issues that develop, then that's a pretty good test of the stability of your relationship. If something shady does manifest from it, then he emerges as a person that wasn't to be trusted, and you get to look elsewhere without finding out years down the road.

I think all relationships should be front-loaded with these sort of situations, just to see where you're really at with someone.
 

natalie_ca

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Originally Posted by CruiserMaiden

I guess it just depends on your feelings. If you are jealous or it bothers you, I'd let him know and not stress the relationship.
Yes, exactly.

Jealousy is not an easy thing to overcome. It's not something you can just turn off.

To be honest the fact that you posted asking for advice tells me that you aren't at all comfortable with the situation. And if that is the case, tell him. No sense pretending to be ok with it and then worrying and fretting about if there is any hanky panky going on between them the next time he calls and cancels a date with you or is too busy to see you one day.
 
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ut0pia

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Originally Posted by Keycube

Whether it works out to be a good situation or not, I always liken situations like this to be perfect litmus tests. If all goes well and there are no issues that develop, then that's a pretty good test of the stability of your relationship. If something shady does manifest from it, then he emerges as a person that wasn't to be trusted, and you get to look elsewhere without finding out years down the road.

I think all relationships should be front-loaded with these sort of situations, just to see where you're really at with someone.
Maybe it's just the kind of person that I am- but I don't believe in that one bit! I actually think that if the situation arises, anyone can develop feelings for another person no matter how devoted they are to their boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess my personal history has proven that to me. I had a boyfriend who moved and I thought I was 100% sure I'd stay with him, have a long distance relationship for a while until we can be together again...But my current boyfriend came along and I couldnt' help myself but fall for him- It's not that I wasn't devoted to the other guy!!...Yes I feel bad for the other guy, I broke up with him as soon as I realized what's happening but that just proved to me that it's best not to let situations like these happen to prevent having broken hearts


Originally Posted by cats4sky

i had plenty of guy roommates and it was cool, there was only 1 girl i was able to live with and that was my best friend.

BUT...if my guy all of a sudden was picking up to move in with some chic whose BF was leaving for the military, YEAH, id have a problem with that.
Exactly how I felt!!

Originally Posted by Natalie_ca

Yes, exactly.

Jealousy is not an easy thing to overcome. It's not something you can just turn off.

To be honest the fact that you posted asking for advice tells me that you aren't at all comfortable with the situation. And if that is the case, tell him. No sense pretending to be ok with it and then worrying and fretting about if there is any hanky panky going on between them the next time he calls and cancels a date with you or is too busy to see you one day.
Yup, I did tell him. He is not moving there anymore
I told him that he can if he wants to but if he does then I'm not sure how our relationship will play out, that I may not be able to handle it and it might ruin our relationship. He said if that's the case then he'd rather not do it
 

rockcat

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I'm glad he's not moving there. Proximity causes a risk that you wouldn't have to consider otherwise.
 

keycube

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I guess it's just semantics; "developing feelings for someone else" despite your "devotion" to someone else, is another person's "cheating", only because the person shafted on the other end will never know (or believe) the origin or dynamics of this new relationship. I'm not judging either way, I'm just saying it's about perspective. When I wrote in my example that the person "wasn't to be trusted", I didn't so much mean in a devious way, just that a new situation had arisen that compromised the old one, and that things would never be the same. Whether a couple is married or not, and a measure of devotion is pledged, I think it's fair to say that if one of them finds someone new, there's a measure of distrust and "blame" that's cast about, regardless of intentions.

Originally Posted by ut0pia

Maybe it's just the kind of person that I am- but I don't believe in that one bit! I actually think that if the situation arises, anyone can develop feelings for another person no matter how devoted they are to their boyfriend/girlfriend. I guess my personal history has proven that to me. I had a boyfriend who moved and I thought I was 100% sure I'd stay with him, have a long distance relationship for a while until we can be together again...But my current boyfriend came along and I couldnt' help myself but fall for him- It's not that I wasn't devoted to the other guy!!...Yes I feel bad for the other guy, I broke up with him as soon as I realized what's happening but that just proved to me that it's best not to let situations like these happen to prevent having broken hearts
 

yosemite

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Speaking from experience, I had a male roommate when I was engaged to my hubby of 31+ years now. The male roommate was the husband of a friend - they had separated and he didn't want to pay a whole rent since he worked long hours and was basically just home to sleep. I had a 2 bedroom so he moved in. We didn't actually see much of each other. I was usually asleep by the time he came in and gone to work by the time he got up. He was gone most weekends. But when we were both home, if one of us cooked the other one cleaned up. It worked out great. One of his ex-wife's friends told her that he and I were probably "involved" but she said she didn't believe it since she knew me well enough to know better.
My hubby also didn't have a problem with it because he trusted me as well.
 

debmouse4382

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I'm going through this same situation & it's almost like leaving a plate of food on the table & asking your dog not to eat it while you go & take a bath.
 
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natalie_ca

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Frankly, if your bf choses to be faithful regardless of opportunity or situations, putting him in a house with a woman will not make him a cheater.
And if he's going to cheat on you, he will find a way to cheat on you, be it with her, or someone else.

I'm not a jealous person, so his arrangement likely wouldn't bother me.  I'm also a believer in trust until it's broken.   So I ask you this, has he given you any reason  to distrust him? If not, trust him until he gives you reason not to, and then at that point decide where you go from there.

If you don't trust him now, then you don't have much of a relationship.
 

blueyedgirl5946

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Be aware this is an old thread which had last been posted in in 2009 until today. I doubt the original posters will read this again.
 
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