My dad is a wonderful person, but made me so mad this week!

Hi,
I have the best parents in the world, and my dad is the most giving, loving human being I ever met, but he made me really really mad this week with the way he treated his cat.
My dad has a cat called Maria Gabriela, in Brasil. She is a mutt, and has been with him since she was a couple of weeks old - his girlfriend rescued her from the streets and gave her to him. He never got her fixed, and things got complicated the last time when she was on heat. She started sprying, and one of the places that she marked was his pillow. He forced her to smell the marking, gave her a slap on the butt, and was pissed at her for the longest time. When he told me that, I got really really upset, and told him that she is only a cat, and that she doesn't understand his way of disciplining her. I thought him the recipe to clean the spots (vinegar, hydrogen peroxide and water), and urged him to get her spayed. He had an appointment scheduled to the vet, but he had a heart attack, and everything got postponed. He recovered, and she stopped spraying.... until that she got on heat again.
She started marking everywhere, and he had the last straw when found out she had marked his clothes in the laundry room. He promptly told the maid to get her and take her to the plaza in the city center. His though process was: There are plenty of cats in the plaza for her to have sex with, and she will be happy there. Of course he didn't tell me anything...
A month later, last week, he was sitting on his apartment, and heard a scratch on the door. My nephew opened the door, and there she was, as if nothing happened.
Now, here is the amazing story: She had never been out of the house, except to go to the groomers once a month, and to the vet. She walked over 5 miles back home, waited on the lobby for someone to open the door, waited by the elevator to get in, got into the elevator, and somehow got to the second floor in front of his door!!!! The porter didn't see her, and neither did anybody else in the building. The stairway is locked, so is the lobby...
So my dad took her in, and can not believe that she found her home!
He took her to the vet to have her fixed, but because he was going out of town the next day, he left her in the vet for the surgery and to recover until he gets back on Monday.
Oh man... I was furious with him... It is hard because he is truly an amazing person, who will give anything he has to help others... But I couldn't contain myself, and I yelled at him...
He told me to not worry, because after what happened he will never ever do this again... He now understands (i hope) that he is her daddy, and that he needs to take care of her for life...
My dad is a very educated person, with post PHds in Italy, has written books in his area, but when it comes to animals, he just doesn't get it!!!
I told him that if he doesn't want her anymore, to send her to me, and I will take her...
My question is, how do we gently educate people about animals? What can I do to help? At least I convinced him to spay her... I think this is a start....
Please please don't hate my dad... He is truly wonderful, and I love him more than anything...

It's a good thing your Dad has you to teach him how to care for a cat and care for it well.

I think some people either don't know how to properly care for a pet or just don't have that "animal lover" chip in them at all. It doesn't make them bad or stupid people, they just aren't animal lovers! In my experience it has a LOT to do with how they were raised.

Both of my sister-in-laws are absolutely HORRIBLE to their pets. It makes it really difficult for me to be at their homes because I see how the animals are treated. One of the sister-in-laws frequently kicks her dog as hard as she can and is always mad because the dog isn't well-behaved. She has not spent ONE SECOND positively reinforcing any behavior, so how the heck is the dog supposed to know how to behave?! So on top of beating the animal, she isn't even smart enough to figure out how to train the dog. And she's the sister-in-law I actually like. Don't even get me started on the other one.

In her case I think she just isn't an animal lover. But in other cases, I think people just do the wrong thing because they don't know better. That might be the case with your Dad. Just keep educating him!

Originally Posted by anjhest

It's a good thing your Dad has you to teach him how to care for a cat and care for it well.

I think some people either don't know how to properly care for a pet or just don't have that "animal lover" chip in them at all. It doesn't make them bad or stupid people, they just aren't animal lovers! In my experience it has a LOT to do with how they were raised.

Both of my sister-in-laws are absolutely HORRIBLE to their pets. It makes it really difficult for me to be at their homes because I see how the animals are treated. One of the sister-in-laws frequently kicks her dog as hard as she can and is always mad because the dog isn't well-behaved. She has not spent ONE SECOND positively reinforcing any behavior, so how the heck is the dog supposed to know how to behave?! So on top of beating the animal, she isn't even smart enough to figure out how to train the dog. And she's the sister-in-law I actually like. Don't even get me started on the other one.

In her case I think she just isn't an animal lover. But in other cases, I think people just do the wrong thing because they don't know better. That might be the case with your Dad. Just keep educating him!

Click to expand...

OK - beating and kicking a dog is abuse... no ifs ands or buts. I would sic animal control on her. They would impose fines and make training mandatory - maybe. I don't know what the laws are in Ga., but they are fairly tough here in Michigan. Some people think that their dogs should come already trained and understanding English and the rules of the house without any effort on their part.


Carolina - the cat finding her way back is an amazing story. You need to impress upon your dad that a cat is a cat - not a person in terms of understanding what to do or not to do. Spraying and wanting to mate when in heat is just nature's way. She's not being spiteful or mean or lazy or a ***** - as someone once said to me about their cat that got out and got preggers. If he is the superior, intelligent being in this relationship, he has to be the understanding and insightful one. Also impress upon him that unlike dogs, cats are not pack animals. They are not driven by the need to please the alpha in the home. Redirection and positive reinforcement works much better with cats ... and works with dogs, too. Hitting, beating, punishing, etc, as with little children - just teaches them fear.

Peoples attitudes towards pets and pet care has changed drastically in the last 30 years. When I was growing up, people in my neighborhood always let their cats out at night. It was just what you did with cats. They normally came in to sleep and eat during the day but went outside to prowl at night. The only time you ever heard of an "indoor" cat is if that cat was old or injured. Also, back then the vets around here didn't spay or neuter unless there was a problem in that area. It wasn't a form of birth control and was very rare.

Your dad probably got his ideas about pets from that era (I have no idea how old he is) and it's hard to convince them otherwise sometimes. I'm glad he (and his kitty) have you to help and it sounds like your dad has made the leap from "pet owner" to "pet daddy".

Let me add only this: of course we don't hate your dad, sweetie! We all know that even the most wonderful people in the world have to be enlightened from time to time. Bless you -- and the cat! -- for teaching your dad something new.

I commend you for not painting your father with a wide brush, and actually addressing the issue with him. When I told my parents I was housing strays on my property and had to take one to the vet (where they ended up having to put him to sleep), my father jokingly remarked that instead of spending that kind of money on a stray cat, I should have 'taken it out back and shot it.' This was his idea of 'provocative humor'. I found it easier to just shut my mouth and hold him in the highest contempt, as I do most people.

At least it sounds like your father had some issues of his own with the heart attack he was dealing with, and probably found some logic in his 'solution' with the cat. Perhaps in another time, with different circumstances, he would have exhibited more patience.