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im so depressed....

post #1 of 24
Thread Starter 
Me and BF arent the cleanest people in the world. Our house is so cluttered its unbelievable. i shouldnt say we are dirty just both very lazy. We never put things back, things just end up in piles. We lose things in the clutter all the time, no matter where i look theres clutter. Its so bad i just cant stand it anymore, its depressing me and i dont even know where to start. I honestly feel like getting a dumpster and going on a rampage and throwing everything out! A couple people told me they would come and help but its so embarassing, but i honestly dont think i care anymore and realize i need the help. I think once we get thing back into being normal again ill make sure it stays that way.
ugggg...and theres no one to blame except the both of us! having 2 lazy people living together is not the greatest thing. ok thanks i really needed to vent. everytime i think oh im going to clean, i look around and get so stressed and dont even know where to start.
post #2 of 24
I know what you mean; I let things get out of hand and then it seems like such a huge job that I don't even know where to start---so I don't.
I read somewhere, and this actually works for me, that you should tackle one small job at a time. Set yourself a time limit (nothing major, just 15-30 minutes) and go at that one job. If you feel like donating more time to finishing it, fine; if not, at least you've started.
Don't let it get you down.
post #3 of 24
I'm the exact opposite and drive people crazy with organization but not to the point of an obsession...I don't think? lol

Anyway, what I'd do first is get some large bags or boxes. Mark them as: Trash, Storage, Donation and House. Even 5 or ten items is a start Trash the things that are either broke or no one would want. Store the items that you only use for holidays ect. Donate the things that you don't want but are in good condition or things that don't fit you or your lifestyle. The House Box or Bag are things you use on a daily, weekly or monthly basis and you can put away later. Remember, if you haven't used it in over a year...you may not need it and either find a relative or donation to give it to. Start with 1 room and take lots of breaks! If you're not sure either ask BF or post it and get a second opinion Having a friend to help you distribute the items is a huge help. Remember to keep a positive attitude! Please don't get stressed! It takes time....
Hope this helps!!
post #4 of 24
I know how you feel (unfortunately ) What works for me best is finishing one room at a time and not moving on until its completely cleaned. Like I'll start with the bathroom, then the kitchen, entry, dining room etc. The hardest part is actually getting started..
post #5 of 24
You have too much stuff, get rid of 2/3 of it and you will feel much better. If you don't use it or display it, toss or donate.
post #6 of 24
i'd throw away as much stuff as possible. I let things go out of hand sometimes too, but then I enjoy cleaning up so much. I usually always rearrange furniture when I clean up also....but I throw away soo much stuff and it feels relaxing and liberating to throw stuff out, at least to me, and that's why I like to clean up so much.
post #7 of 24
I second the boxes, though not too large as you don't want boxes that will end up too difficult for you to move.

My other suggestion is music. iirc, you dj? Pick something upbeat, energetic, and positive that will help you set a good pace or even pick something you can sing along to while you clean.


Just wondering, were your parents (and your bf's) not that overly concerned with keeping things clean or did they let you keep your room how you wanted? I've noticed for some that if that isn't instilled in them at a young age, it can be very difficult to acquire those habits later.
post #8 of 24
I second the marked bags/boxes idea. Most pro organizers will tell you the same thing. Also, make sure that once the item is bagged for TRASH, DO NOT open it again--NO exceptions! Don't take stuff out--TRASH IT! Be strict with yourself here.

It's best to tackle one closet or room at time. Set a time limit; don't go gung-ho right away--accomplish something--even the smallest accomplishment will spur you on to bigger things later. If you get too bogged down in an area, you won't finish it that day, which is crucial. Don't start thumbing through photo albums, etc.--just toss into the marked box/bag. Don't start re-reading old love letters, etc. for the same reason. You are there to sort stuff. Be ruthless. What would be the worst thing that could happen if you threw soemthing out? Ponder, then throw it out! Don't make excuses to keep stuff.

Once it's cleared out, organize what's left, which hopefully won't be much.

Now the hardest part: maintaining your house! Just like losing weight, it's the keeping it that way part is the hardest part. Schedule regular weeding sessions, so it doesn't build up again (we do this with the collections at the library; we once went 10 years without weeding the collection; it took a team of about 15 people 2 years to do it. We have learned our lesson--people are assigned to weed weekly in certain areas.)

Take a look at YouTube: How Clean is Your House (Kim & Aggie). If you think you're bad, look at THESE people!!
post #9 of 24
You've already received some great advice. I agree that breaking the project down into manageable goals (e.g. one room at a time) is your key to success. As for maintenance, I have instituted a new rule in my house: if something new comes in, something old has to go out!

Don't be embarrassed. Lots of people (including myself) have a clutter problem. I'm not one of those people with old newspapers stacked up to the ceiling, but when I was younger I worried that that was my future! I absolutely sympathize with your dilemma, and I know from experience that that sort of clutter can begin to feel like some sort of spiritual/existential burden. Good luck to you.
post #10 of 24
Thread Starter 
thanks for all the great advice, me and BF talked and once the weather breaks we are going to get a dumpster for a week and get rid of everything. For right now he told me to write a list of chores he wants me to do each day and he will. i went for a ride and came home much calmer and started getting a bunch of garbage bags packed up with nonsense that i havent used in forever, lotions that have been sitting around forever, empty boxes that were piled in the corners, empty plastic cat litter conatiners, i used to take all these vitamins everyday but i dont anymore so i trashed them, and it only took like a half hour.
we also agreed on one room at a time, and once we get the dumpster all the big things that couldnt be put out in garbage is getting thrown out in the dumpster.

your right maintaining is going to be hard, 2 lazy people living together is a disaster!

strangewings- to answer your question i grew up in a house where my mom and dad were really strict about keeping a clean house but i was still lazy and would leave things everywhere. Everytime my mom and dad ever came to any of my apartments they would tell me how they didnt raise me like that and why and i such a pig lol.

Now BF on the other hand, his house was already a disaster when i moved here, his mom was also a big packrat and not too big on cleaning.

well thanks for the advice and im alot calmer now!
post #11 of 24
Start sorting things and donate things you don't need on Freecycle. I've given away lots of stuff, people come and get it, how easy is that! makes you feel good in many ways. Your house is less cluttered, items will be used and not thrown out, likely going to people who really need them
post #12 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by strange_wings View Post
Just wondering, were your parents (and your bf's) not that overly concerned with keeping things clean or did they let you keep your room how you wanted? I've noticed for some that if that isn't instilled in them at a young age, it can be very difficult to acquire those habits later.
I've found that I keep things because growing up things got tossed on me without my input and because I was taught not to waste things. DH tosses everything because his father is a packrat. We try to keep a happy medium for ourselves now. I just hate throwing something out; then later on having to buy new because we really did need whatever the item was!

I used to get pretty overwhelmed with cleaning house too. Shortly after I got married someone gave me the idea of doing things room by room too. And that has been the biggest help!
post #13 of 24
It feels amazing to see things go from disorder to nice looking just by throwing away a few things doesn't it! I'm glad you are feeling better...
post #14 of 24
I have been there! Once you get rid of all the "stuff" you won't be as stressed. This book has helped me alot..."Lillian Too's 168 Feng Shui Ways to Declutter Your Home" It's on amazon.com. I try to have charities come to pick stuff up a few times a year. Clothes, household goods, whatever... Actually Easter Seals is coming tomorrow and my entire entrance hallway is covered with so many boxes now.
post #15 of 24
Thread Starter 
thats the other thing, im going to start taking bags of clothes to the salvation army drop off boxes, i have clothes in bins i havent used in years! im not even going to look thru them cause ill find all kinds of reasons why i need to keep them, so im throwing them into a big garbage back and they are going to the sallys!
post #16 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by lil maggie View Post
I'm the exact opposite and drive people crazy with organization but not to the point of an obsession...I don't think? lol

Anyway, what I'd do first is get some large bags or boxes. Mark them as: Trash, Storage, Donation and House. Even 5 or ten items is a start Trash the things that are either broke or no one would want. Store the items that you only use for holidays ect. Donate the things that you don't want but are in good condition or things that don't fit you or your lifestyle. The House Box or Bag are things you use on a daily, weekly or monthly basis and you can put away later. Remember, if you haven't used it in over a year...you may not need it and either find a relative or donation to give it to. Start with 1 room and take lots of breaks! If you're not sure either ask BF or post it and get a second opinion Having a friend to help you distribute the items is a huge help. Remember to keep a positive attitude! Please don't get stressed! It takes time....
Hope this helps!!
I'm the same way as you, Maggie!

To the OP: One thing that helps keep the clutter away, is to not bring new things in unless it's something you really want or need, and if that's the case, then maybe get rid of something old to make room for the new thing.
post #17 of 24
I've been floowing the advice from this book "Organizing from the Inside Out" by Julie Morgenstern. Much great advice.

The best tips-if you start in one room and find somethin that belongs in another room put it in that other room and come back to your project-don't get distracted by something you see in that room.

Also once you clear the space and have a need for containers-measure the spot and write down what you will need vs running out and buying some random containers that will not work. I find that clear/see thru ones work great to see what you have inside.

You will feel so much better when you start seeing and maintaining your environment!
post #18 of 24
I don’t have anything to add that hasn’t already been said, but wanted to say I’ve been there too and understand what you are going through.

I didn’t get organized finally until I moved into the apartment I have now and I decided that I wasn’t going to let it be cluttered. I chose what I was going to keep based on whether or not I had a place for it and if I hadn’t used it in 6 months or didn’t have a place to keep it, it was either tossed, given to friends or went to the Goodwill store.

Best of luck in getting organized yourself!!!
post #19 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by strange_wings View Post

Just wondering, were your parents (and your bf's) not that overly concerned with keeping things clean or did they let you keep your room how you wanted? I've noticed for some that if that isn't instilled in them at a young age, it can be very difficult to acquire those habits later.

Our daughter is as messy as anyone I know. She moved out on January 1st but still has some stuff in her bedroom waiting to be moved. I went in there to clean up a bit and I couldn't believe my eyes. There was garbage and clothing everywhere. Behind the headboard was empty gum wrappers and just plain old garbage.

I'm a neat freak so she didn't get that from me. My husband on the other hand is just like her. He leaves his tools, hats, gloves, coat, everything all over the place. It makes me crazy. I spend most of my time picking up and tidying up after him.
post #20 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by Going Nova View Post
To the OP: One thing that helps keep the clutter away, is to not bring new things in unless it's something you really want or need, and if that's the case, then maybe get rid of something old to make room for the new thing.
I'll second this - DH and I were always really bad for accumulating 'stuff' so we declared the 'nothing enters unless something leaves' rule when we moved into our first house and it really works. I think it's just a case of working out a cleaning/tidying schedule that works for you two. We've gone through a few that worked, a few that worked for awhile and are still trying to figure out a schedule that works to keep tha basement tidy, but it is doable.

I'm glad you're feeling better about it and good luck sorting everything.
post #21 of 24
Thread Starter 
thanks everyone for the good vibes, sometimes its nice just knowing other people have been there. We both agreed we are going to start doing something little everyday. I even made a few garbage bags already and theres a difference. I also have an open space on the kitchen table thats not mounded with clothes! so maybe ill do the rest of the kitchen table when i get home.

do you know that i still have boxes and bins of stuff in the garage from 2 years ago when i moved in with BF? well when we get that dumpster im throwing everything in and the clothes ill throw in a bag and take to the good will.
post #22 of 24
I would like to share a story about my sister and her clutter.

I went to California to visit her after her beloved Bo (American Eskimo) died of lymphoma in 2005. Bo was my sister's soul mate, and she quit her job, and spent months caring for him and trying to ease his suffering.

When I walked into her house, I was appalled by the clutter...no, squalor, that I found. She had totally ignored EVERYTHING, and spent every waking moment caring for Bo. I spent the entire two weeks that I was there, cleaning her house and working in her yard (I think it took me 3 days, for just the kitchen/refridgerator!) She was so depressed, that she barely acknowledged me, and rarely left her bedroom...sleeping helped her cope with Bo's death. When I left, her house (with the exception of her bedroom) was completely spic and span, and the yard was presentble. She was so incredibly grateful, and I know she was too overwhelmed to tackle it herself. I have to admit, I got a few phone calls after I got home, because she couldn't figure out where I put something, lol. To this day, she's only had a couple of minor relapses in the cleaning department, but she's never gone back to the mess she had when Bo died. Sometimes it isn't a bad idea to enlist the help of someone else. Someone who doesn't have all of the emotional attachment to all of the "stuff." There's times I wish someone would clean my basement for me....and throw out all the "stuff" that I'm emotionally attached to!!! I'd probably never miss any of it, once it was gone...but I can't bring myself to toss it!
post #23 of 24
i'm the same way - very cluttery, etc. in my experience, unless you're REALLY willing to make a change, then cleaning/neatening up this time isn't going to help in the long run.
i finally hired a housekeeper once a month. this forces me to do some minor picking-up [so that vacuuming/etc. can be done] that i otherwise simply wouldn't do.
i live alone, the clutter doesn't really both me - but it's nice when the floors/counters are clean & neat. just not nice enough that i'll bother to do it.
oh, & if you haven't used something in a year, you're doing the right thing by simply getting rid of it [tossing or donating]. obviously, you haven't NEEDED those things!
good luck!
post #24 of 24
Quote:
Originally Posted by cats4sky View Post
thanks everyone for the good vibes, sometimes its nice just knowing other people have been there. We both agreed we are going to start doing something little everyday. I even made a few garbage bags already and theres a difference. I also have an open space on the kitchen table thats not mounded with clothes! so maybe ill do the rest of the kitchen table when i get home.

do you know that i still have boxes and bins of stuff in the garage from 2 years ago when i moved in with BF? well when we get that dumpster im throwing everything in and the clothes ill throw in a bag and take to the good will.
GREAT JOB!! We're all pulling for you! Keep up the good work!
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