OK, one more thing I found that I had to share . . . hehe . . . this one had me laughing out loud for a long time!
Thou shall have no other cats before me,
or I shall be an angry, hissing cat.
The Top 9 Least Known Steps in the Cat Adoption Process
9> Applicants spend hours in the waiting room being ignored,
and when they try to read a magazine the receptionist walks
across the page.
8> Mandatory psychological therapy to prepare you for the
dichotomy of believing that you own the cat, and the
knowledge that the cat owns you.
7> Smarter cats beginning to insist on a "total non-dog clause"
in the pet/owner contract.
6> You are forced to view "Homeward Bound" to check your
reaction when Sassy is injured.
5> The spaying of the future owner.
4> Agency representatives perform a surprise home inspection
during which they run a cheese grater over your furniture.
3> Catnip type and cross match.
2> Pick up a couple of extra puncture repair kits for the
water bed.
and the Number 1 Least Known Step in the Cat Adoption Process...
1> Must demonstrate ability to differentiate between a wet Brillo
pad and a newly regurgitated hairball... in the dark with just
your toes.
==================================================================
Least Known Steps in the Cat Adoption Process
RUNNERS UP list -- Catatonic
------------------------------------------------------------------
You don't adopt the cat, the cat consents to cohabitating
with you.
Color coordination with furniture upholstery for optimum
blendability of cat hair.
DNA testing to detect any taint of dog blood in prospective
owners.
It helps if you kill a rodent and submit it as a gift with your
adoption form.
Legal and financial proceeding, similar to closing on a house,
in which ownership of home is turned over to the selected cat.
Mandatory five-day waiting period during which a thorough
background check is run to ensure you have no pesky distractions,
like a job or a family or a hobby, that would keep you from
properly serving and attending to the cat.
The correct response to "Did you like your last cat?" is not
"She tasted great."
To prove their commitment, potential applicants must find six
people wearing furs, put them in a burlap sack and drown them.
You must sign a damaged-couch waiver.
You must watch a video of a cat running toward, then bouncing
off, a plate glass door -- and not laugh.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Least Known Steps in the Cat Adoption Process
HONORABLE MENTION list -- Missed by a Whisker
------------------------------------------------------------------
"I have to ask -- is there a reason why you can't give birth to
your own litter?"
Brief visitations to become sufficiently indifferent to each
other.
Bring lots of toys and treats to the adoption center to make sure
your prospective pet shows you proper snubbing compatibility.
Completion of a mandatory 12-step cat-anger management course.
Learning that the cat has hired you as a member of his "staff."
Make sacrifices of catnip and fine Italian leather upholstery
to appease the potential adoptee.
Sworn statement from potential owner stating that they will
submit to the will of the cat.
Testing to see if the prospective human companion can interpret
and obey the cat's directions properly.
The requirement to sign the legal document that will compel you
to refer to the animal as "Fluffy, Queen of All She Surveys."
You must have 36 character references from cat owners.
You stop buying house plants.
==================================================================
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ]
[ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ]
==================================================================
Thou shall have no other cats before me,
or I shall be an angry, hissing cat.
The Top 9 Least Known Steps in the Cat Adoption Process
9> Applicants spend hours in the waiting room being ignored,
and when they try to read a magazine the receptionist walks
across the page.
8> Mandatory psychological therapy to prepare you for the
dichotomy of believing that you own the cat, and the
knowledge that the cat owns you.
7> Smarter cats beginning to insist on a "total non-dog clause"
in the pet/owner contract.
6> You are forced to view "Homeward Bound" to check your
reaction when Sassy is injured.
5> The spaying of the future owner.
4> Agency representatives perform a surprise home inspection
during which they run a cheese grater over your furniture.
3> Catnip type and cross match.
2> Pick up a couple of extra puncture repair kits for the
water bed.
and the Number 1 Least Known Step in the Cat Adoption Process...
1> Must demonstrate ability to differentiate between a wet Brillo
pad and a newly regurgitated hairball... in the dark with just
your toes.
==================================================================
Least Known Steps in the Cat Adoption Process
RUNNERS UP list -- Catatonic
------------------------------------------------------------------
You don't adopt the cat, the cat consents to cohabitating
with you.
Color coordination with furniture upholstery for optimum
blendability of cat hair.
DNA testing to detect any taint of dog blood in prospective
owners.
It helps if you kill a rodent and submit it as a gift with your
adoption form.
Legal and financial proceeding, similar to closing on a house,
in which ownership of home is turned over to the selected cat.
Mandatory five-day waiting period during which a thorough
background check is run to ensure you have no pesky distractions,
like a job or a family or a hobby, that would keep you from
properly serving and attending to the cat.
The correct response to "Did you like your last cat?" is not
"She tasted great."
To prove their commitment, potential applicants must find six
people wearing furs, put them in a burlap sack and drown them.
You must sign a damaged-couch waiver.
You must watch a video of a cat running toward, then bouncing
off, a plate glass door -- and not laugh.
------------------------------------------------------------------
Least Known Steps in the Cat Adoption Process
HONORABLE MENTION list -- Missed by a Whisker
------------------------------------------------------------------
"I have to ask -- is there a reason why you can't give birth to
your own litter?"
Brief visitations to become sufficiently indifferent to each
other.
Bring lots of toys and treats to the adoption center to make sure
your prospective pet shows you proper snubbing compatibility.
Completion of a mandatory 12-step cat-anger management course.
Learning that the cat has hired you as a member of his "staff."
Make sacrifices of catnip and fine Italian leather upholstery
to appease the potential adoptee.
Sworn statement from potential owner stating that they will
submit to the will of the cat.
Testing to see if the prospective human companion can interpret
and obey the cat's directions properly.
The requirement to sign the legal document that will compel you
to refer to the animal as "Fluffy, Queen of All She Surveys."
You must have 36 character references from cat owners.
You stop buying house plants.
==================================================================
[ Copyright 2001 by Chris White All rights reserved. ]
[ Do not forward, publish, broadcast, or use ]
[ in any manner without crediting "TopFive.com" ]
==================================================================
