Please help:issues with my cats and fiance

Hi,

No I have not had any insight so thanks so much for your email and offer to help. Any advice I am willing to try. Here is the issue.

I own 3 cats, 1 male is 12, other 2 are siblings, one is a male and one is a female and both are 6. The issue I am having is with the 2 males but more so the 6 year old one. I was with my boyfriend for a year and a half and then we took a 10 month break. we are now engaged and have been back together since June. We don't get to see each other a whole lot but i would say he is here for 2-3 days every 2 weeks. so before that it was just me and the cats for many years and they are very attached to me. so here he comes along and i am sure they are mad that he invades their space but he is so nice to them but nothing has worked. the 6 year old male hisses at him and growls and hides. the 12 year old male wont' go around him by himself but sometimes will if i am there but usually just avoids him. he has also hissed at him a couple of times. i love all of them and really want to find a way for the 2 males to like my fiance but i know that may never happen. my cats have never gone to the bathroom anywhere in the house but in their litter box, i would not stand for it if they did. but i am almost 100% positive the 6 year old male was the one that went #2 in the bathtub the other day. my fiance and i were downstairs on the level where the litter box is and i think he had to go but he was to scared for whatever reason to come down. i won't have them going to the bathroom in the house. so i am trying to find a solution.

i have gone to the extent of me, the 6 year old male cat and my fiance all being in a small room. trying to get the cat to see that he wont' hurt him but that didn't work. tried it a couple of times. he just hissed. now i have had both of the young ones since birth so i know they have never been abused to hate men. but i did once rent out my basement to a guy for a couple of months but i dont' believe he ever did anything to them when i was not here.

my question is, is there anything i can do to get the 2 males to like him or try and see if something works. he really trys so hard for them to like him but i don't know what else to try. i am most concerend about the younger male to like him since he literally hides and hisses all of the time. thanks for any help and ask me any questions if you need to.

thanks,

Laurie

I adopted 2 cats, brother and sister, I worked but my husband did not. So he was home alone most of the time with them. I was out of the house from early morning until evening. They new him more then they did me, the female cat was not as receptive to me she hardly came near me. I use to go down to her level on the floor, sit and swing a rubber spider on a string on a stick, she would slowly come closer but the stick was long enough that she wasn't really near me. I would just swing it nice and easy on the floor until she would try to swat at it. I did this every night for a while and very slowly she came around, where she even started sleeping on me. Now she's all over me. I hope that works, you could also try a Feliway Diffuser, it could calm them down a bit. I'm sure you will be getting other suggestions. Good luck.

thanks for your response. what is a Feliway Diffuser? i will try and get a toy like you had and see if he plays with them if they like it. thanks for the suggestion.

Originally Posted by laurie121

thanks for your response. what is a Feliway Diffuser? i will try and get a toy like you had and see if he plays with them if they like it. thanks for the suggestion.

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A Feliway dispenser is a calming liquid that you plug in, you can get it from PetSmart or Petco. Cats are the only ones affected by it. I use for my boy that sprays when he sees an outside cat.

Originally Posted by aswient

A Feliway dispenser is a calming liquid that you plug in, you can get it from PetSmart or Petco. Cats are the only ones affected by it. I use for my boy that sprays when he sees an outside cat.

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i wonder if catnip would do the same. they do not pee anywhere and never have. i definitely dont' want them to start! but just wondering if other things would help. i saw some new thing, kind of like kitty anxiety medicine...lol

I don't have much experience with things like anxiety medicine. Someone might have experience with that that will answer shortly.

Before you go straight to behavior modification drugs, a trip to the vet is in order.
ANY kind of inappropriate elimination is a cause for concern and is often the only way a cat can tell you that they are not well.
They definitely sound like his presence has them stressed and stress can make cats sick rather quickly.

After a medical issue has been ruled out, then you work on the relationship between cats and man.
Have him start feeding them, but have him otherwise completely ignore them, most cats hate to ignored.
On the days he is not there, make sure he leaves a dirty t-shirt of something with his scent on it.
Make every interaction between them as positive as you can, even if it takes a few treats (given by him of course).
Catnip will NOT work the same as feliway.
Feliway is a synthetic feline pheromone and has a scent that essentially tells cats that everything is A-ok, it's all good and chill out.

Don't even consider mood altering drugs at this stage.
Unless a cat is actually extremely aggressive (or other signs that point to an actual chemical imbalance), mood altering drugs will only be a band-aid on the problem, solving nothing.

the Feliway diffuser really works for me. I use it when theyre acting funny or getting too aggresive, and within two days everybody is happy

Mine are suckers for catnip. whatever is going on or wrong, its suddenly ok if i bring out the catnip dish

have you tried having your guy take off his shoes? mine are really weird about shoe smells. it might just take time. tried having him feed them?

about the vet: sometimes if a cat is excesivly stressed, it can cause a UTI and that is serious. if your not convinced its a physical prob, wait until the very next sign of trouble and then call the vet.

Feliway is excellent.

Maybe get some toys you can stuff with catnip and let your fiance play with them (on the floor) with this toy (if they like catnip that is!).

Also give your fiance some of their fave treats and let him give them one now and then with a light pet.

Give your man some love too loll. He must feel unloved .... and is a star for trying. But it will be all worth it when the kittys luv him too

Know how your cats respond to catnip before using it in this situation.
Some cats get mellow, some get playful and some get agressive on nip.

You certainly don't want to use it if any of your cats are of the aggressive nip buzz type.

My best friend had 3 cats when she married her husband. One of her cats really despised him invading her space and did things like pee on him when they went to bed. Her husband was determined to gain her love and did everything he could do to deserve it. He took over feeding the cats, handed out treats, and played with them with their favorite toys. His wife didn't try to supervise and let him have the 1 on 1 interaction that they needed. In spite of herself, the cat came around and actually preferred the husband after a while.

Your fiancee isn't there often enough to build a solid routine with your cats, but while he is there, he needs to do as much positive interaction with them as possible. He shouldn't force himself on them, but do what he can within the daily routine to interact.

The smelly t-shirts are an excellent idea also. Get his scent into the environment.