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Saying goodbye.

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
About 2 years ago my wife brought home a precious gift...a smokey grey cat we called Bella. My wife got her from a co-worker who found her limping and injured in a Taco Bell parking lot. The co-worker had her taken care of (broken hip, injury between right eye and ear) . My wife brought her home and Bella was immediately at home. She never hid or was skittish. She was on our laps watching TV and even slept with us. In fact, every night at 9:30 she goes to bed and waits for my wife to come in.

She's had a bad hip....occationally walking funny, but never acting like she was in pain.And the wound on her head never healed. She would be OK a while, but then hit a phase where she'd scatch it until it was busted open. Take her to the vet, get cortizon shot for the hip (which also made her head not itch), repeat...every 3-4 months.

We love Bella like our child. Since we can't have our own kids...she is our child. She goes to bed with us( she snores louder than me!), sits on our laps while we're on the computer, sits with us while we watch TV. When we come home after work we are greeted with her running up to us with a huge long "mmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwww www" (seriously, I didn't know they could do it for that long.) There is no doubt she misses us when were gone and happy we are home. We learned her favorite foods: cheese, mayonaise, and eggs. If either of us ate anything like that she would patiently wait, and when we finished we'd place the plate on the floor and she'd have her share. She's the most mellow, loving animal I've ever been around. She is one of those that we feel extremely lucky to have in our lives. She matches us perfect.

Over the last few months, her head wound has gotten bigger. To try to keep her from scatching, we put a lampshade collar on her. She never complained...took it in stride. She's also seemed to not jump as much. She just looks at you and mews to pick her up. We thought maybe the collar threw her balance off or something.

During the power outage because of the ice storm here in Kentucky, she would cuddle with me and my arm would be around her. We'd lay there all day until "momma's home!" lol

Right after the ice storm I took her to the vet. With all the cuddling we noticed the wound stank and was infected. We tried to clean it with paroxide but we knew she needed antibiotics. I took her while my wife was at work and heard the worse new at that point. "I'm sorry...that looks tumorish...there's nothing I can do."

Of course my wife and I hit denial. Nah...she's just messed with it so much there's scar tissue built up. We continued antibiotics and cleaning it twice a day.

Well, she messed herself up a while ago...not sure how with the collar on...there was blood all over her face. It looked like she ripped her eye out! Literally half her poor face was cover in blood. And of course we were freaking out more than her! lol We we're running around incoherently and she just sat there like "what?"

We rushed her to the vet with my wife holding a paper towel on her face to stop the bleeding...and of course it was rush hour and I got every stoplight...well, we get there and he looks at her. It looks like 1) she popped open a capillary 2)the cancer is spreading aggressively.

Even though we've been giving her antibiotics twice a day and cleaning it with peroxide, she has an infection deep in her ear where the cancer spread spread since I was there about 2 weeks ago.

The Dr. said if she were human she'd be on radiation.

There is a point a person has to reach with a pet. Eventually a scale needs to tip one way or another. Our selfishness out of love for her to be with us vs our compassion and wanting to end her pain out of love for her. Today the scale tipped. We brought her home to spend a few more days to say goodbye.

Typically Bella, she was being the cool cat...I've driving home with Camille holding her...both of us crying (me the big muscled tough guy and her the ice queen Brit)...and Bella is purring like crazy. It's weird. If her head wasn't messed up you wouldn't know she was sick, even though now in hindsight, about the time she wanted picked up instead of jumping and all started, she also started losing weight and sleeping more....but looking at her she's doesn't look in pain and seems really happy...maybe she's just the type to suck it up and not let it show.

We got home and took the lampshade collar she's had on the past few weeks off...we're gonna let her be as comfortable as possible the next few days. Tomorrow we're putting her on her leash (yes, she is a cat that wears a leash...quit happily in fact) and taking her to the park.

I can't imagine not having her around.

This is defintely the hardest thing I've ever done....I've never done it before...

I guess we're past denial and now at the second guessing..should we have/could we have/ect.

Keep us in your thought guys...we have a rough week ahead....

We love you Bella.
post #2 of 19
I'm so sorry to hear that Bella's condition is so bad. My condolences to you and your wife. Bella sounds like a real sweetheart.
post #3 of 19
I am so sorry. It is always hard to say goodbye to our beloved pets. I believe that it is the final act of love we show them - to release them from pain and misery even though it hurts us so badly.

for Bella.
post #4 of 19
I am sorry.....saying goodbye is never easy.


for you and Bella.
post #5 of 19
I`m so sorry sweet Bella is nearing the end of her journey

The end always comes sooner than we want but in the end you need to do what is right I`m glad you will have these last few days to spoil her.

When the time comes, you know you did your best for her and gave her a wonderful home.

Safe journey Bella
post #6 of 19
Bless her little heart for shining so much light and love into your lives during this trying time!

There's a time to say goodbye, and it hurts so much because there will never be another one like her. Cherish every moment you spend with her. Cats seem to know when it's "their time".

Lots of to you all and for brave Bella! Thank you for making such a different in the little trooper's life when no one else could. I'm sure she wouldn't have it any other way!
post #7 of 19
Thread Starter 
Thank you all for the kind words. The support means a lot.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Sparkie View Post
Cats seem to know when it's "their time".
It's funny you say that. My mom and dad had one of theirs put to sleep last year. She was 18 years old (I'm told that's really old for a cat). She had been on thyroid medicine for a couple of years, she had athritus so bad she could barely walk, and her kidneys dried up to the size of small walnuts.

They decided to let her go, and it was like she knew. She walked across the table and put one paw on each of my dad's shoulders and "gave a kiss". Dad said he broke down crying. She did the same to mom, then walked over to where the Vet was as my parents left the room.

One one hand I wonder how Bella will act...one the other I try not to think about it.

There'a a lot of horrible things that go through your mind at this time isn't there? I've never done this before...what should I expect? I'm told it's best not to be in the room as it happens. We're debating on leaving her or not. There's almost a guilt of "discarding a broken toy" and she means a whole lot more to us than that. We would like her treated respectfully. We have no where to bury her, as we live in an apartment. We are too low on money to do too much (I was laid off due to the economy).

We're willing to listen to any advice, as we feel too emotionally involved to make rational decisions in the regards ourselves.
post #8 of 19
I have been through this in just about every way possible, there is no good or right way.

I would stay with her, she needs to know you are there. I had a tech. talk me out of it once and I have regretted it for 20 years. Yea it may seem easier but this time she needs you. The memory will bring pain at first then comfort as you heal.

I also would ask for a sedative before so she is calm, and then spend some time saying goodbye.

I am so sorry, it still brings tears to me as it is now. Saying goodbye is hard, but thank goodness you had such a special bond. Prayers
post #9 of 19
Look into yourself to see what is best for you. I stayed when Petunia was euthanized. I'm glad I did as I was there to tell her good-bye as she left. It was a little difficult as the vet had a hard time finding a vein but I am glad I was there. It helped to see that she was at peace.
post #10 of 19
I'm so sorry. You gave her a good life. She's incredibly loved and I'm sure she knows it.
post #11 of 19
I'm so sorry, what a special little girl Bella sounds to be

Cats are very good at hiding pain, and purring is also a sign, so has the vet said if she is in any pain at all?.

Please keep us updated, but many calm, painfree for your precious girl
post #12 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by twokatz View Post
I also would ask for a sedative before so she is calm, and then spend some time saying goodbye.
Bella is soooooo calm naturally. The is the definitive "cool cat".

The thing I worry about (sorry if it gives people bad thoughts) is that I was told that sometimes they go into convulsions. I really don't want to see her suffer anymore....I don't know if I could handle it.

Another question...we've noticed that even though she's always been a loving cat that loooooooves to cuddle, lately she seems more...distant. She stills comes up wanting loving, but it seems less frequent and for shorter periods of time. Is this part of her "preparing"? Does she know something is going on?
post #13 of 19
I have never seen convulsions, it is very quick, they just go to sleep. The reason I suggested a sedative is that even a sick cat does not like needles so it helps them stay calm so the vet's job is easier on all. As for distancing, I can't say this is what happens but I have seen this with people and animals. It could also be that she just doesn't feel good. My Missy was my soul cat and she did this also, It hurt but I had to respect what she wanted. I cuddled her to pieces when she wanted and gave her space when she wanted.
post #14 of 19
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by twokatz View Post
It could also be that she just doesn't feel good. My Missy was my soul cat and she did this also, It hurt but I had to respect what she wanted. I cuddled her to pieces when she wanted and gave her space when she wanted.
That's what we're going through. We wanted to spend time cuddling her, but she seems to want to be alone. She's picking spots to lay she has never laid in too. Usually she likes the couch, bed, under the window...this week she like under the table.

Also today she's followed me a few times but doesn't seem to want anything. She turns down anything I offer, and if I try to sit and hold her, she jumps down.
post #15 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by bellasparents View Post
About 2 years ago my wife brought home a precious gift...a smokey grey cat we called Bella. My wife got her from a co-worker who found her limping and injured in a Taco Bell parking lot. The co-worker had her taken care of (broken hip, injury between right eye and ear) . My wife brought her home and Bella was immediately at home. She never hid or was skittish. She was on our laps watching TV and even slept with us. In fact, every night at 9:30 she goes to bed and waits for my wife to come in.

She's had a bad hip....occationally walking funny, but never acting like she was in pain.And the wound on her head never healed. She would be OK a while, but then hit a phase where she'd scatch it until it was busted open. Take her to the vet, get cortizon shot for the hip (which also made her head not itch), repeat...every 3-4 months.

We love Bella like our child. Since we can't have our own kids...she is our child. She goes to bed with us( she snores louder than me!), sits on our laps while we're on the computer, sits with us while we watch TV. When we come home after work we are greeted with her running up to us with a huge long "mmeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeooooooooooooooooooooowwwwwwww www" (seriously, I didn't know they could do it for that long.) There is no doubt she misses us when were gone and happy we are home. We learned her favorite foods: cheese, mayonaise, and eggs. If either of us ate anything like that she would patiently wait, and when we finished we'd place the plate on the floor and she'd have her share. She's the most mellow, loving animal I've ever been around. She is one of those that we feel extremely lucky to have in our lives. She matches us perfect.

Over the last few months, her head wound has gotten bigger. To try to keep her from scatching, we put a lampshade collar on her. She never complained...took it in stride. She's also seemed to not jump as much. She just looks at you and mews to pick her up. We thought maybe the collar threw her balance off or something.

During the power outage because of the ice storm here in Kentucky, she would cuddle with me and my arm would be around her. We'd lay there all day until "momma's home!" lol

Right after the ice storm I took her to the vet. With all the cuddling we noticed the wound stank and was infected. We tried to clean it with paroxide but we knew she needed antibiotics. I took her while my wife was at work and heard the worse new at that point. "I'm sorry...that looks tumorish...there's nothing I can do."

Of course my wife and I hit denial. Nah...she's just messed with it so much there's scar tissue built up. We continued antibiotics and cleaning it twice a day.

Well, she messed herself up a while ago...not sure how with the collar on...there was blood all over her face. It looked like she ripped her eye out! Literally half her poor face was cover in blood. And of course we were freaking out more than her! lol We we're running around incoherently and she just sat there like "what?"

We rushed her to the vet with my wife holding a paper towel on her face to stop the bleeding...and of course it was rush hour and I got every stoplight...well, we get there and he looks at her. It looks like 1) she popped open a capillary 2)the cancer is spreading aggressively.

Even though we've been giving her antibiotics twice a day and cleaning it with peroxide, she has an infection deep in her ear where the cancer spread spread since I was there about 2 weeks ago.

The Dr. said if she were human she'd be on radiation.

There is a point a person has to reach with a pet. Eventually a scale needs to tip one way or another. Our selfishness out of love for her to be with us vs our compassion and wanting to end her pain out of love for her. Today the scale tipped. We brought her home to spend a few more days to say goodbye.

Typically Bella, she was being the cool cat...I've driving home with Camille holding her...both of us crying (me the big muscled tough guy and her the ice queen Brit)...and Bella is purring like crazy. It's weird. If her head wasn't messed up you wouldn't know she was sick, even though now in hindsight, about the time she wanted picked up instead of jumping and all started, she also started losing weight and sleeping more....but looking at her she's doesn't look in pain and seems really happy...maybe she's just the type to suck it up and not let it show.

We got home and took the lampshade collar she's had on the past few weeks off...we're gonna let her be as comfortable as possible the next few days. Tomorrow we're putting her on her leash (yes, she is a cat that wears a leash...quit happily in fact) and taking her to the park.

I can't imagine not having her around.

This is defintely the hardest thing I've ever done....I've never done it before...

I guess we're past denial and now at the second guessing..should we have/could we have/ect.

Keep us in your thought guys...we have a rough week ahead....

We love you Bella.
I am so very sorry that you and your wife are having to go through this. I know how your heart is breaking.

I am sending hugs and prayers from Mississippi for you and your wife, I hope that you stay with Bella whenever ya'll decide what you are going to do. You have given her a good home and I know that Bell knows how much ya'll love her.

Again I am so very sorry for the pain that ya'll are feeling.I have been there before too.
post #16 of 19
I am sending mega prayers and vibes to you all....as others here have mentioned, sometimes the truest love is that of letting go
As for whether to be present or not, I have always found it a relief to hold my pets throughout the procedure - it is such a peaceful passing, you will instantly know that you have done the right thing. But if it is too much for you and/or your wife, then know that the staff will be with her & it is ever so instant. Just a deep relaxing. If a sedative is given, often they relax just from the relief of being away from the pain, kitties actually purr & dogs thump their tail.
My heart aches for you all - I can only be thankful that Bella was able to find you two and finally knew the joys of being cherished, the fun of toys, the security of your home - I shudder to think of the terrible fate had you not taken her in
..... It may be that she is really miserable, too, and that is why she is so off by herself
When she passes, she will be greeted by all our other TCS kitties, and all our loved ones who have gone on before, as well as those yet to be born. Unlike here on earth, where mortals can turn a deaf ear, Heaven is filled with wonderful angels who always answer a child's whimper, a dog's whine, and a kitty's every meow In fact, maybe you can watch the episode of the Twilight Zone called "The Hunt" about the old mountain man who won't go to Heaven without his dog - a real tear-jerker, for me, but beautiful, at the same time.
During this difficult time, please know that you all will be in the thoughts and prayers of your TCS family around the world.
post #17 of 19
Only you can decide wether you want to be there or not

For me I had to be there for Kitty because I knew I would feel guilt and beat myself up about it after if I didn`t and also I felt I owed it to him to see it through to the end

You know, I never thought I could do it and thought I`d be a gibbering wreck but you put on a brave face so you can support them through it.

Kittys legs were already shaved but they couldn`t get a vein so he had to inject him twice in his kidney. It took a little longer but just before he went he looked deep in to my eyes. It was like he was saying goodbye and I`m so glad now that I could be there at the end.

You just need to do what you feel is best and what you feel comfortable with
post #18 of 19
this is very heavy for me, having gone through a similar situation w/ my cat who was diagnosed with FIP in december. i haven't read all the posts so i may be repeating some stuff. i had two weeks with him after the diagnosis and during that time i went through anticipatory bereavement. the denial stage was very challenging for me. i woke up on monday morning, december 15 and my sweet brave boy let me know it was time to say goodbye, and that's when denial left. i was extremely protective of angus at the vet and insisted on holding him, and the doctor and vet tech were very compassionate and caring. the involuntary movements and/or release of fluids is not painful to the animal. angus got a little sick while i was holding him, which was heartbreaking, but i just talked to him and loved him and loved him and loved him and said goodbye and told him it was okay and that he changed my life and that he could run free, you're okay, you can let go, i love you. run. i'll see you again someday, bubba.

part of the reason why he got sick was because there was some content left in his stomach after he got very sick when i woke up. he was my first cat, too, and i thought long and hard about being there. you will know when the time comes. you and your wife and your beautiful cat are in my thoughts and prayers. i'm sorry if this is a lot of information or if i went too far with details. and please know i'm here if you want to pm me anytime.
post #19 of 19
I'm so sorry . We just went through this with our Meggie and her abdominal cancer. We also had to make the decision about when to take her, and for us it was when she wasn't enjoying life anymore, and feeling bad much more than feeling well. It turned pretty quickly, over the course of a few days...

I did stay with her- she was the first pet of 3 that I got to decide to stay with (I didn't get to stay with my first cat, because I was a child, nor our dog, because my husband needed me to be with him when the time came and he couldn't stay- it was just too much for him). It was very peaceful for Meggie and very quick and I don't regret staying with her. You will know what you can handle when you get there, and I'm sure the staff will be very sympathetic to whichever you decide.

Hang in there, she has certainly been well loved. Bless you.
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