Elderly cat's owner died-needs new home

John's daughter came over today, and Ashley wouldn't let Kristi near her either. Ashley just hides under the comforter, and when you lift it to talk to her she hisses and swipes. I can't get near her to pet her.

On the good side, she is eating and using her litter box. I just feel bad for her to be couped up in that room all alone. We have a night light on.

Help! I need suggestions on just what I can do to help her adjust. Is there some medication I can give her?

I'm going to be taking Dusty to the vet for her annual checkup soon, so I'll ask her vet.

John had Askley on a well pet program at Banfield (PetSmart) that he paid for in advance for a whole year, but they won't transfer the care into our name, nor will they refund his payment to his heirs. That is bad policy, IMHO! Boo on Banfield!

My opinion would be to NOT reach under the comforter and NOT try to pet her. Nothing looks normal to her and nothing has her smells on it.

Go in the room and spend time with her on the floor. You are much more frightening when you are tall.

Don't look at her and don't acknowledge her. Let her be. Read, work on a computer, sing (softly),
work a puzzle, etc.

Leave a treat on the floor where you (and now your scent) were sitting.

Use a wand toy to entice her. Again do not try to touch her.

Try to keep a schedule because you know how much they depend on routine.

Leave a dirty shirt that you have worn next to her food dish.

Use a Feliway plug-in. Maybe try Rescue Remedy in the water.

She will do better in one room now. It will help her to feel safe and the room will start to smell like her.

Give her time, lots and lots of time.

Expect nothing from her. Let her come to you. That will earn her trust.

Not a good example, but imagine if you were two years old and taken to another country. You can't understand the language, nothing smells like your room or family, you are confused and scared, you want your mommie and don't know where she is or why she left you there. THEN a stranger trys to touch you and hold you! You don't know if these strange people are going to hurt you. You don't understand.

In time she will understand and see that you are bringing her food and not trying to harm her.

Where ever she goes, the caretaker will need to give her patience to adjust on HER terms.

So glad you have her and I am sure she will feel better.

I would just let her be - she will become comfortable with you in time. Maybe look into getting a Feliway diffuser going.

Stress is hard enough on younger cats...she probably feels better to be left alone...for the time being....and it will probably be better for her health if she isn't pushed into accepting things so soon....

Update:

I have her in our spare room upstairs. Mostly she lays underneith the comforter. She still won't let me touch her or get very close. This morning I went in and sat for awhile with the TV on. I filled her water bowl that was empty, scooped the litter box, and took in a small battery vac to clean up the tracked out litter. I put her litterbox on a small rug to minimize the litter tracking. When I was through with this cleaning in the attached bath, I saw that she had come out of her nest. I think she either wanted to eat or use the litterbox, so I left for a few moments, and when I returned she was licking her lips, so I guess she had a little drink.

I will try to follow our suggestions Skimble. Good ideas!

It's now been over 2 weeks since we took in Ashley. She still won't let me touch her or even get close. She spends most of her time hiding/sleeping under the comforter. I still have her closed up in her room, and have not let her roam the house, mainly because I fear she will hide under a bed or something, and can't coax her out.

My vet said to give her 6 weeks. At this point I have very little hope that she can become friendly.

I took Dusty in to see her yesterday. I was holding Dusty on my lap. Ashley just hissed and growled as usual. I could tell that Dusty was tensing up, but she didn't try to run away or confront Ashley. Dusty has become a marshmallow lately with other cats. We now have a male stray that comes by for a free meal occasionally, and Dusty doesn't mind at all. This is new behavior for her, but maybe she is mellow because of her kidney illness, I just don't know.

Ashley has been an indoor cat all her life, so I really don't know what to do to make her life happier. I know she is scared and grieving the loss of her daddy. I just don't know what to do to make her life better. I fear that I may have to find a shelter for her, but I sure hate to see her spend the rest of her life in a cage. At least here she has a whole bedroom and bathroom to call her own.

Please help me!

Originally Posted by Dusty's Mom

It's now been over 2 weeks since we took in Ashley. She still won't let me touch her or even get close. She spends most of her time hiding/sleeping under the comforter. I still have her closed up in her room, and have not let her roam the house, mainly because I fear she will hide under a bed or something, and can't coax her out.

My vet said to give her 6 weeks. At this point I have very little hope that she can become friendly.

I took Dusty in to see her yesterday. I was holding Dusty on my lap. Ashley just hissed and growled as usual. I could tell that Dusty was tensing up, but she didn't try to run away or confront Ashley. Dusty has become a marshmallow lately with other cats. We now have a male stray that comes by for a free meal occasionally, and Dusty doesn't mind at all. This is new behavior for her, but maybe she is mellow because of her kidney illness, I just don't know.

Ashley has been an indoor cat all her life, so I really don't know what to do to make her life happier. I know she is scared and grieving the loss of her daddy. I just don't know what to do to make her life better. I fear that I may have to find a shelter for her, but I sure hate to see her spend the rest of her life in a cage. At least here she has a whole bedroom and bathroom to call her own.

Please help me!

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If you take her to a shelter, unless it's no-kill, she is likely to be euth'd. I don't know what you've been doing for her to help her adjust. Here are some suggestions.

Sit in the room on the floor and do tasks like folding laundry or working on a laptop; talk to her or read to her while you are doing this; bribe with treats if she will take them; get a Feliway plug in ... or search for details on Bach's Rescue Remedies here or online - these may help calm her and help her feel less nervous. It may take a couple of months for her to get over this shock. Please be patient.

Give her more time.
I really am sorry my husband would not let me take her.
I have 5 cats.

Truthfully - if she is that miserable at your house - it's unfair to put her in any shelter (kill or no-kill). Give her more time - several months. If she doesn't adjust, IMO, it is kinder to euthanize her yourself than put her in a shelter (as realistically - no one is going to adopt her).

First, I think you are wonderful to have taken her in. We have three cats, and like mews2much & Going Nova, my husband would kill me if I took in another. (I often worry about what would happen to mine if something happened to me).

Anyway, I believe you are on the right track when you visit the room and just do stuff and ignore her. Were you able to bring anything from her former home to sit in the room with her, i.e. toys, blanket, etc.?

This is probably going to take time - I hope this story ends happily for both you and Ashley.

Originally Posted by white cat lover

Truthfully - if she is that miserable at your house - it's unfair to put her in any shelter (kill or no-kill). Give her more time - several months. If she doesn't adjust, IMO, it is kinder to euthanize her yourself than put her in a shelter (as realistically - no one is going to adopt her).

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I hate the idea of putting a cat down, but I have to agree that it is better than a shelter for her. Older cat's do not adjust well to change especially losing the person she always counted on. I have see a couple of times when senior cats come to the shelter and just give up. They usually do not live very long after arrival. It's just too hard on them. She may have a hard time adjusting to your home, but a shelter would be even harder.

That being said I agree with others that she needs more time. I guess too I think that it's important to check what you are thinking & feeling while interacting with her. Animals can read so much through body language and tone of voice. Things that humans might never notice. Perhaps you are giving off a nervous vibe or if you are feeling sorry for her she is feeling sorry for herself. I know it's hard but spend time focusing on your emotions & get in the right place before going in the room with her. As others have said just sitting still or relaxing in the room with her may help.

Sending lots of vibes for improvement.

I made a trip to PetSmart yesterday to buy food for my Dusty. I stopped at Banfield, since that is Ashley's vet, and asked the lady at the counter that I had a few questions about Ashley. She immediately got Ashley's vet to come out to speak to me. I learned that Ashley was always a "problem patient" and they had to sedate her everytime John brought her in. They also said that she was very loyal to John, and he could always handle her without a problem. Dr. Olsen, the vet suggested that I leave her door open so she could roam around the house and become familiar with the smells and sounds. She also suggested a Felaway diffuser, which I bought and plugged in last night. She was so pleased that I had Ashley, since they've all been worried about her, and what would become of her since John's death.

This morning I took her advice and opened the door. Ashley has been roaming around the house, and Dusty didn't even notice her when she was in the same room! Dusty was lying on the sofa and Ashley was walking around and stopped to see the TV. The vet also said that cats will make friends with their own species faster than they will do with people. I didn't know that, but since Dusty has seen her face to face and doesn't act aggresively, hopefully that part of the problem with work itself out.

I'm willing to give it more time. In the meantime Ashley has her "territory" and can go back to hiding under the comforter any time she wants.

Well that certainly sounds like progress. At least if she has free roam of the house you can feel better about her having extra space. My guess is she will learn to enjoy your home with time. She may never be best friends with you, but at least she can enjoy her time if she can curl up on a warm chair or in the sun somewhere. Bless you for giving her the time she needs to grieve.

After her stroll around the house, she's back under the comforter in her room. Oh well, at least she knows she's not in prison anymore!

Originally Posted by Dusty's Mom

After her stroll around the house, she's back under the comforter in her room. Oh well, at least she knows she's not in prison anymore!

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Or maybe she just enjoys laying under the comforter?? I doubt she would stay there if she didn't like it or feel comfortable. My Jordan went though a phase of sleeping on the toilet seat. I always thought it was strange as I have cat beds all over the appartment & the cats are allowed to sleep where every the want. So that was where he wanted to be , maybe she likes it under the comforter.

Encouragement for you...

I adopted a semi feral straight from the shelter. When he first arrived,
he hissed and hid under the bed and never came out.

After 3 months of leaving him be, he began to emmerge for food.
At month 4 he would eat in my presence, but not too near me...

At month 5 we deemed him ready to go outside. Out he went,
as we waited for him to disappear. He did NOTHING of the kind.
He slowly investigagted the area - over many days.

He came in when I left the door open and walked away... but did
not come when called.

Month 6 we had huge breaktrhough. I got to pet him! No hissing.
This was outside. After that, I could do it inside AND pick him up.

Now, almost 12 months after getting him, he comes when called, uses
the pet door (only when he MUST), asks for food, allows pets, plays with me with string toys... and sometimes comes for affection on my lap. BF is also allowed to pet. He still hides when strangers visit, but he is getting much
better about that too! I can handle him for vet visits mostly (if he isn't injured) and that's pretty damned good for a cat that was going to be PTS as a "feral" cat!!!

Give your cat many months and slowly allow her to come around. You will find she slowly comes out of that shell. Either way your place is soo much
better than being in shelter or being PTS!!

Patience, lots of food bribes, some play time with a string toy, cat nip
and some feliway will go long way with this poor kitty...

Any updates on Ashley? I have a formerly abused cat in our computer room closet. She was like Ashley for a long time, several months or so - then I got the idea to change her name from Makita? (it was something that sounded like the tool company or possibly Russian) to Jackie (for Jackie Kennedy-Onassis). I'd call her softly when I'd put the food out, and when she heard "Jackie" her meow changed from a warning caterwaul to a soft meow. She'd respond, very quietly, "meow" to "jaq-eee". She comes out sometimes to be petted, comes out like a hornet to attack the other cats, but other than that, just hangs out in her closet. I gave her a nice bed in there & she seems content. Once in awhile, she'll climb onto the lap of whoever's on the computer.
Jackie's owner passed away, also, and she was sent to the pound and then adopted by a family with a mean boy We bought the house from the family; they moved away & left the cat. I didn't know the cat was in there until I was cleaning up and noticed fresh turds in a cat box - there was no water or food So I put out food & water & in the morning it was gone, so I knew I had a ghost cat on my hands
Sending major prayers and vibes that Ashley comes around soon
And bless you for taking her in - I am sure that her owner John is sending thanks from over RB

I've decided to put Ashley down. I've talked to John's daughter, and she agrees it is probably the best thing. We know that she is not adoptable.

Here's the deal. My kitty Dusty has been diagnosed with early CRF. Dusty is a picky eater, won't eat the special diet food, and won't eat much of anything unless she feels comfortable. Ashley steals her food and is upsetting her to the point that she hasn't been eating much at all the past couple of weeks. She is already skinny and can't aford to lose any more weight.

Ashley is not socializing. I still can't get near her without hissing, growling and swiping at me. I don't see this changing in such an old cat. Ashley is also arthritic and walks like a rat, so I think she may be in pain.

I'm waiting to hear back from Kristi if she wants her cremated or not.

I think I gave it my best shot, but I can't risk my kitty's health, since she is our first priority.

Well, and you gave her time to adjust - and given her age, etc - especially if she is getting arthritic on top of it - I think euthanizing her is probably kindest.

Thank you WCL. I wish it could have worked out better, but because of my kitty's health, I think it is the best for all concerned.