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How honest is too honest in a relationship? (Looooonnnggg story) - Page 2

post #31 of 33
Ever since reading this thread last night, I've had an old Carly Simon song in my head:

We have no secrets
We tell each other everything...

...In the name of honesty
In the name of what is fair
You always answer my questions
But they don't always answer my prayers

...And though I know you say
That it's me that you adore
Sometimes I wish
Often I wish
That I never never knew
Some of those secrets of yours...

I think there are limits to how much frankness is too much... but they're flexible limits, and they vary from person to person. To avoid being hurtful when discussing areas in which you're unhappy, it would probably be best to speak earnestly and lovingly, but directly. The worst thing would be to make your loved one feel he is being humored or patronized. And in my experience, when you humor someone, you begin to lose respect for him... and loss of respect for your partner is lethal to a marriage.

I would also think it best to speak in terms of being concerned with the state of the relationship, rather than disappointed in the other person. It's much easier for most of us to accept the need for change if it's presented as something both parties need to cooperate in -- which, of course, it is.
post #32 of 33
There's no such thing as too honest.

Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
Men are always interested in sex, with three exceptions: his testosterone levels are low, he has other health issues such as low thyroid, or he is having sex with someone else.
I'm a guy. I think this is right on the money... straight men think about sex and women all the time, and if we say otherwise, we're usually lying, barring one of the aforementioned medical conditions... Sometimes it's more polite to lie. Denying it also allows us to put on a more gentlemanly facade .

Lack of interest may also be a symptom of differing "tastes" in the bedroom, so to speak. Well, not even just in the bedroom, but in the rest of the relationship as well, behaviorally speaking. Still, that means lack of communication about a very serious subject, and if that's the case, they're in for relationship meltdown if they can't work it out... everybody is different, and a lot of times people are afraid to tell their partners what they truly want for fear of reprisal, embarrassment, or rejection.

Counseling is probably the only way to resolve their issues, whatever the cause.
post #33 of 33
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Precisely. And it's not a solution... it would only add self-loathing to her problems.
I agree highly. Cheating is not an option. A better option would be for her to go to counseling to see why she feels that is even an option and also for them to go to counseling as a couple. I feel bad for them, they really need some help. Hope they get some help ASAP.
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