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My cat, Conor

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
I started posting here on the Cat Site about a year ago when the husband I took in a litter of feral kittens. The people over in the feral cat care section really helped us to socialize them and the past year has been just great.

But, on Sunday, one of the cats - Conor - started to breath funnily. We kind of denied something was wrong but she wasn't doing any better within 24 hours so we took her to the vet first thing yesterday. He couldn't figure out what was wrong - she looked healthy, it was just the weird breathing. Anyway, we left her there for some tests. After the vet removed some fluid from her lungs, she died.

I am so sad. We only had her for a year, but I loved her so much. Both my husband and I are having such a tough time dealing with this, and her siblings are definitely feeling the loss.

I find her everywhere. We made a fire when we got home from viewing her at the vets last night, and I remembered how she used to love to stretch out in front of it. I grated some cheese for some pasta and I remembered how she liked to lick the grater.

I feel like it is my fault. The vet thinks she had some sort of congenital weakness and then suffered some sort of trauma that, in combination, her body couldn't recover from. We were away on Saturday night - what if it happened then? And when we got home on Sunday, we were tired so we slept when we got back - we couldn't see if anything was wrong. We went to the cinema as well - so we were pretty much gone all weekend. Why didn't I insist that we take her to the vet as soon as we suspected something was wrong? I wish I had spent all weekend with her.

I know this is all part of the grieving process. I just thought she would be with us for so much longer. My husband just got an awesome job in Vancouver, BC and she was supposed to move with us (along with her brothers).

The house feels a bit emptier without her. I just can't believe it.
post #2 of 13
I'm so sorry .Try and not think about the "what if's"

Conor is safe and well over the bridge now so she's fine

post #3 of 13
So sorry you lost Conor
Blaming yourself is a natural part of things but sounds like if there was a weakness there anyway, there wasn`t a lot that could be done

Rest In Peace little one
post #4 of 13
In bringing her inside and caring for her, you made her life happier and likely longer than it would have been otherwise. You mentioned how she loved the fire and the cheese; she would never have had those had she stayed feral.

Who knows what weaknesses she inherited, what nasty experiences she might have had before you brought her in. It's a big cruel world out there. You brought her into the warmth and safety, and she loved you for it.
post #5 of 13
I'm so sorry about the loss of your little girl. Rest in Peace Conor.
post #6 of 13
I am so sorry for your loss.

post #7 of 13
sounds to me like typical guilt. i suffered it when Mouse died, too - same type of things. i should've noticed sooner, i should've taken her to the 4th vet 1st, etc.
you did all you could for her, & gave her a wonderful year in a warm home, well-fed & well-loved until the end.
post #8 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thanks everyone. I feel sick, I miss her so much. I know it will get easier and I know I will always remember her and carry her with me, but right now, it is just really hard. And the boys - her brothers - are having such a tough time too. They miss her so much, it is heartbreaking.

One day at a time...
post #9 of 13
Condolences to you all on losing your sweet girl Conor. I know how hard it is to deal with the grief yourself let alone being strong for the other kitties. At least she's playing happily over RB now, and like Mrblanche said, she knew the delights of being safe at home by the fire and the joy of eating cheese, plus lots of cuddles, scritches, toys and hearing the love-just-for-her in a human voice The angels over RB will take good care of her until you two are reunited again
post #10 of 13
I'm sorry for your loss of Conor.

My cat, Monti had fluid in his lungs. They call it Chylothorax and they kept telling me it was a "guarded" diagnosis, which was serious and fatal for my baby.

I sometimes blame myself to. Like I should or could have done more. If only our cats could talk to us and tell us how they are feeling and what hurts.

It is all part of the grieving process and we just need to make sure we don't dwell on it and try to get past it and remember our kitties when they were healthy and how happy we were while they were a part of our lives.
post #11 of 13
I am so sorry for your loss of Conor. I too lost my Spot last week to a similar problem, Chyloperitoneum. A build up of fluid in her abdomen. I have her son here who is calling for her. He is about 10 months old. I still cry (like right now) while writing this. Sometimes I think life would be easier if we didn't love our critters like we do. Sometimes I envy people who don't care, then they don't suffer like we do. Like you, I feel guilty. She had been getting fat around her middle. I attributed it to being spayed not long ago. The vet drew off a milkey substance from her abdomen and my heart sunk. You can make your self ill with regret and second guessing; but our job now is to take as good care of the ones left as we can. I am sending you a hug and letting you know that you are not alone. Best to all, Shannon
post #12 of 13
Just wanted to see how you and your husband are doing? I take comfort knowing that Spot had a darn good life here with us, sleeping on the couch in the sun, playing with Beeba and eating quite well. Please take comfort that Conor had a great life. Think what it would have been like for them had you not taken them in. Take care. Shannon
post #13 of 13
Oh Wendy, I am SO sorry to hear this! I cannot imagine how devastated you are. The fact of the matter with rescues and ferals is you just don't know what their background is, what may be lurking.... we've dealt with so many illnesses. I'm just so sorry, but you cannot blame yourselves. Even the vet didn't know what it was, so it was something that happened so quickly. As others have said, you can't focus on the "what ifs." I know it is hard - but she was SO loved, and had SUCH a wonderful year with you!!!!!!!!!! She knew love, and that is a blessing.

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