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Feeling Sad

post #1 of 16
Thread Starter 
In relation to this thread: http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=186078
We have an appointment with a relationship counselor tomorrow evening, and I'm feeling sad in case this really is the end. So far, (and it's been a whole 10 days!) I've been feeling sad, and missing Mike's company, but haven't wanted to go back for good. I don't miss someone speaking to me the way he did.
But if it is the end I don't like the thought of a) either being alone for the rest of my life (except my wonderful furbabies), or b)dating more men who let me down or aren't what i expected!
Only a few hours now until I can go home and get purrs from Villy and cuddles from Roxy
post #2 of 16


It's normal to feel this way, I really believe that when you end a relationship it is like a grieving process so you go thru the steps of grieving. Give yourself some time to adjust, things will get better.
post #3 of 16
I'm sorry you feel this way, but if it doesn't work out, continue counseling alone!! I have to say, it has changed my life for the good. My life wasn't bad (neither was my marriage) but counseling alone was amazing for me. At my final session, my counselor gave me a hug and told me how proud she was of me.

*hugs* I hope that no matter what DOES happen, you find the strength to make your life full, without another man around.
post #4 of 16
...Goodluck my friend....Don´t give Up!...
post #5 of 16
When I split from my first husband and was alone and lonely, it would have been easy to get back together just because of that loneliness. I resisted and thank goodness I did. We were not right for each other although neither of us were bad people. We both went on to better partners and a better life.

Yes, you will grieve for the loss of the relationship, but when you know it isn't the best relationship for either of you and you move on, your life will become more enriched and so much better.

Hang in there and be strong.
post #6 of 16
Aw hun, I'm sorry you're going through this. There are a lot of us that have been through divorces, so don't think you are alone!
post #7 of 16
Thread Starter 
I just found this smiley and thought, how appropriate, that's how i've been feeling lately

Thanks guys, I'm feeling pretty aprehensive today as I'm going to see Mike for the first time in 10 days tonight. We're going to a joint session with a relationship councellor. I still don't want to go back so i can only see it going one way tonight - i'm really worried about how i will react, if i'll be really sad, or if I'll be relieved we've made a decision? At least at the moment I can pretend to myself when I'm feeling bad that it's ok, it might not be completely over. If we make a final decision tonight that's it.
post #8 of 16
awww good luck I know it hurts right now but just like my mom told me after my fiance of 5 years called off our wedding a month before, there is always something better waiting for you down the road.
post #9 of 16
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by vampcow View Post
awww good luck I know it hurts right now but just like my mom told me after my fiance of 5 years called off our wedding a month before, there is always something better waiting for you down the road.
Sweetie, I'm so sorry for you, that's really tough

So we went to relate last night, and talked a lot. Basically Mike is willing to work on our relationship, which is great, he's great, BUT, I still don't know what i want. I feel like such a wicked witch - I just don't know if I'm too far gone being miserable to want to go back. I don't know what the heck to do! I feel like I ought to make an effort, as he's willing to make an effort, and i shouldn't just give up, but at the same time I don't want to.
I can't get any more counselling as I would have to pay and I can't afford it.
Mike has said that it's now just up to me, to make my decision as to what I want.
I know this is bad but I have feelings for someone else too :-(
I hate myself right now for putting mike through this, but I guess he could put an end to it anytime?
post #10 of 16
Thread Starter 
Just bumping this up a bit, please reply, I'm so sad right now.
post #11 of 16
I'm so sorry. I'm thinking of you, if that helps at all.
post #12 of 16
IMO You shouldn't rush back to him. You need to be completely sure you want things to work out with him and be with him forever; otherwise keep your distance for now.

It's okay to be attracted to somebody else, but if I were you I would not act on it. You are not ready to be in another relationship right now. If this other guy is the right one, he'll wait for you. Right now, you need to take care of yourself and focus on what you need and want.

I was married once before and I gave 90% to the relationship and he gave about 10%. I was devastated when he left. (Even more devastated when I found out that he emptied our bank accounts, charged up the credit card, and left me to pay for everything including our taxes.)

But now I am so happy it didn't work out... If I was still with him, I would not have met my husband. We have a wonderful loving relationship. I have a feeling that someday you might be saying the same thing!

You can't find the right guy, one who treats you with love and respect, if you stay with the wrong one.

Can you browse the self-help section of a bookstore or the library? There are lots of books that can help... not only to analyze what is really going on in your relationship, but they can also help guide you where you want to go. When I was in your place, reading these books was a huge help. I did a lot of crying while reading them, but they really opened my eyes. I wish you all the best.
post #13 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessy View Post
Sweetie, I'm so sorry for you, that's really tough

So we went to relate last night, and talked a lot. Basically Mike is willing to work on our relationship, which is great, he's great, BUT, I still don't know what i want. I feel like such a wicked witch - I just don't know if I'm too far gone being miserable to want to go back. I don't know what the heck to do!
It sounds like right now what you really need to do is take some time for yourself.

If Mike wants to work on your relationship and you think he's great, but there's something holding you back.... you need to sort that out first. If you were to try again with these feelings, odds are it wouldn't work out.

My husband and I, prior to living together and marrying, seperated. It was the hardest thing I have ever done. He couldn't make up his mind about me, so I let him go. Neither of us were certain of anything really. I was certain he needed to figure out what he wanted from me.

We were seperated for about 6wks, then he came back to me with his head on his shoulders. In our 8yr relationship, that was the only seperation. It needed to be done. He needed time to figure out what he wanted. I loved him deeply, but could not be there knowing he was uncertain.

I am a firm believer in: If it was meant to be, it will be. In my case, it was...and Mark came back, eventually we became husband and wife. (2yrs in June)

Take some time for yourself... hopefully he will respect that you need that
post #14 of 16
Thread Starter 
Hi everyone
Thank you so much for your support. I'm still living in the holiday cottage with the girls.
I've had ups and downs but we're just going along, taking it day by day.
I do miss Mike's easy companionship, but still don't want to go back.
Jess
post #15 of 16
Quote:
Originally Posted by Jessy View Post
Hi everyone
Thank you so much for your support. I'm still living in the holiday cottage with the girls.
I've had ups and downs but we're just going along, taking it day by day.
I do miss Mike's easy companionship, but still don't want to go back.
Jess
Glad to know that you are ok . Keep us updated!
post #16 of 16
Thread Starter 
Thanks, I went to our marital home last night, to pick up some clothes - I needed my boots as we've had so much rain and snow over here I'm fed up with having wet feet!
It was a bit strange going back, but not as wierd seeing the house as I thought it would be.
Mike was in bed, I didn't have the urge to get in, snuggle down and stay there, I wanted to get back to the girls!
It was awkward, as, understandably he's feeling frustrated and would like to know what's going on. He'd like to work on it, so i said ok, what do we do? Neither of us knows what to do, so I suggested going out together, starting from the beginning again. He wasn't sure about that as he thinks it will be awkward.
He says that i just need to decide what I want. If only it were that easy.
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