I still cant get past it, I mean I am a mess, I cried all weekend and know if I going to lose it as I type this out but I have to face this and need to know how to get through it. I know it's ok to cry but how do I get through knowing it was my fault she died, Please don't tell me it wasn't because it clearly was. The facts are this
My 13 year old Tazzy was never declawed because when she was 7 I was told she was too old so I never thought about it, not once. Then we bought this new house and bought some new furniture that I hadn't paid any money on and she started tearing away at it, so I tried other things and even tried clipping her tips of her nails and she still got holes in it, so I called around to 4 local vets, all of them told me she wasn't too old and I was surprised, one even told me about the laser surgery and it was more but the chance of infection was low and pain was low so I was all for it.
Then I took her in, brought her home the next day, she was doing great, I have another cat that lives here and they share a huge litter box. I had put the new litter I had to use in the box. For 3 days I could not find any used litter, I was wondering what and where their potty was and then My other cat starting howling and then I found he had gone behind a couch, I wasnt sure if Tazzy was using it, she was eating but I could not find poop in the litter, so I switched it back to the old litter and told myself too keep an eye on her paws, I think because she was seeming completly normal that I didn't think the litter would hurt her. Also I had to give her antibiotics and pain meds daily, the pain meds went down easy but the antibiotics, she either spit it out the side of her mouth or ended up gagging it up, I tried for days and thought after 5 days that I was hurting her by forcing her to take it when she would throw up so I stopped thinking she dind't have an infection anyways. 2 weeks went by she seemed great, then all of a sudden, I was wondering if she was eating because I wouldn't see her eat but I would see her drinking water, my son told me I saw her eating so a few more days go by and then my son told me that her paw was bleeding so I hurried in and took her in the bathroom and saw that one of her paw fingers was open, I mean they had glued them because it was the laser surgery and I could see one was open. So I cleaned her up and the next day I had to go to the airport to take family so I told my husband to take her to the vet, I said to him, if she does not have an infection, do not get anymore antibiotics that we have to give her by mouth, tell them she does not hold them down, also I said tell them she is not eating and also that her meow was gone I noticed. He took her in and they said her meow was gone from the tube in her throat during surgery and also never said she lost weight or anything, he said they cleaned her paw and soaked it and asked if we wanted to try antibotics and he said no but told me they never said she had an infection, they said make sure we use the right litter. Ok so then 4 days go by and I still see she is not eating, she looks horrible, breath smells so bad so I call them up again and take her right in, they said she had an infection, no fever, also I had go her paw wet because I rinsed it off and I noticed purple going up her leg, I showed them this and they said I will give you an antibotic, and I said I need a shot one or something I can give her that I know it will all go in her so they kept her, gave her fluids all day and gave her the injection that they said would last 2 weeks, I took her home, force fed her that day and all day the next, by Friday morning she looked so good, I took her to the vet for them to check her out, they said it was a great improvement and I said the only thing was she had diarrea, they gave me meds for that and on Saturday I gave them to her, she was eating Friday night but on Saturday it seemed harder to force feed her, by Saturday night the food wasn't going down and we had a hard time, she looked horrible again, going from looking so good on Friday to very sick looking late Saturday night. Sunday morning I got up and she seemed to be sleeping but I knew she hadn't got up, I could tell, so I went over and picked her up and held her in my arms, she jerked her legs and let out two meows at me as she looked into my eyes and she then wet on me and I realized she just died, she waited for me to pick her up, she laid there and waited for us to wake up and hold her to die. How can I get through this, how can I continue on with my life knowing that I took my cat's life by making this decision over some stupid furniture that I could seriously take out front and burn if I didn't owe so much on, I didn't get her to the vets soon enough, I didn't use the right litter, I didn't take care of her like I should have and now I don't have her, now she is out back in the ground buried with cold snow on top of the ground, she hated to be cold and now she is in a cold ground. I know you can say she is at a better place but she is alone, waiting for us, wanting to be with her family. I look at my cat as a child and I feel like an awful parent right now and I cant get over this, no matter how much I try, I can't. I feel like I killed my cat and I had her since she was a baby, she comforted me when I was pregnant, she layed by my side. I just don't know how to go on, I can't stop thinking of this and I am overwhelming myself with thoughts and I feel like I can't get through this. Please tell me what to do, I can't face that she is dead, I want her back and I want to hold her, tell her I love her.
My 13 year old Tazzy was never declawed because when she was 7 I was told she was too old so I never thought about it, not once. Then we bought this new house and bought some new furniture that I hadn't paid any money on and she started tearing away at it, so I tried other things and even tried clipping her tips of her nails and she still got holes in it, so I called around to 4 local vets, all of them told me she wasn't too old and I was surprised, one even told me about the laser surgery and it was more but the chance of infection was low and pain was low so I was all for it.
Then I took her in, brought her home the next day, she was doing great, I have another cat that lives here and they share a huge litter box. I had put the new litter I had to use in the box. For 3 days I could not find any used litter, I was wondering what and where their potty was and then My other cat starting howling and then I found he had gone behind a couch, I wasnt sure if Tazzy was using it, she was eating but I could not find poop in the litter, so I switched it back to the old litter and told myself too keep an eye on her paws, I think because she was seeming completly normal that I didn't think the litter would hurt her. Also I had to give her antibiotics and pain meds daily, the pain meds went down easy but the antibiotics, she either spit it out the side of her mouth or ended up gagging it up, I tried for days and thought after 5 days that I was hurting her by forcing her to take it when she would throw up so I stopped thinking she dind't have an infection anyways. 2 weeks went by she seemed great, then all of a sudden, I was wondering if she was eating because I wouldn't see her eat but I would see her drinking water, my son told me I saw her eating so a few more days go by and then my son told me that her paw was bleeding so I hurried in and took her in the bathroom and saw that one of her paw fingers was open, I mean they had glued them because it was the laser surgery and I could see one was open. So I cleaned her up and the next day I had to go to the airport to take family so I told my husband to take her to the vet, I said to him, if she does not have an infection, do not get anymore antibiotics that we have to give her by mouth, tell them she does not hold them down, also I said tell them she is not eating and also that her meow was gone I noticed. He took her in and they said her meow was gone from the tube in her throat during surgery and also never said she lost weight or anything, he said they cleaned her paw and soaked it and asked if we wanted to try antibotics and he said no but told me they never said she had an infection, they said make sure we use the right litter. Ok so then 4 days go by and I still see she is not eating, she looks horrible, breath smells so bad so I call them up again and take her right in, they said she had an infection, no fever, also I had go her paw wet because I rinsed it off and I noticed purple going up her leg, I showed them this and they said I will give you an antibotic, and I said I need a shot one or something I can give her that I know it will all go in her so they kept her, gave her fluids all day and gave her the injection that they said would last 2 weeks, I took her home, force fed her that day and all day the next, by Friday morning she looked so good, I took her to the vet for them to check her out, they said it was a great improvement and I said the only thing was she had diarrea, they gave me meds for that and on Saturday I gave them to her, she was eating Friday night but on Saturday it seemed harder to force feed her, by Saturday night the food wasn't going down and we had a hard time, she looked horrible again, going from looking so good on Friday to very sick looking late Saturday night. Sunday morning I got up and she seemed to be sleeping but I knew she hadn't got up, I could tell, so I went over and picked her up and held her in my arms, she jerked her legs and let out two meows at me as she looked into my eyes and she then wet on me and I realized she just died, she waited for me to pick her up, she laid there and waited for us to wake up and hold her to die. How can I get through this, how can I continue on with my life knowing that I took my cat's life by making this decision over some stupid furniture that I could seriously take out front and burn if I didn't owe so much on, I didn't get her to the vets soon enough, I didn't use the right litter, I didn't take care of her like I should have and now I don't have her, now she is out back in the ground buried with cold snow on top of the ground, she hated to be cold and now she is in a cold ground. I know you can say she is at a better place but she is alone, waiting for us, wanting to be with her family. I look at my cat as a child and I feel like an awful parent right now and I cant get over this, no matter how much I try, I can't. I feel like I killed my cat and I had her since she was a baby, she comforted me when I was pregnant, she layed by my side. I just don't know how to go on, I can't stop thinking of this and I am overwhelming myself with thoughts and I feel like I can't get through this. Please tell me what to do, I can't face that she is dead, I want her back and I want to hold her, tell her I love her.