black tie dinner

Hey everyone...

SO I have to go to this black tie dinner tomorrow...and I'm super nervious since i have nEVER in my LIFE been to one of them...any advice??

(My sis is letting me borrow a dress she wore to a breast cancer gala so I'm all set there)

Don't let the words intimidate you. Is this a job event or a social event?

If it is job related there may be some butt-kissing that has to be done, but if it's social, just be yourself.

It sounds like you already have a dress. As long as you have the accesories to go with it, you should be good to go (for accesories, I wouldn't recommend bringing your everyday hand bag with a formal dress...did that once for a military ball...yeah, not a good idea) Everyone is uncomfortable at black tie events because I don't think anyone knows what to expect the first time. I mean heels, tuxes? That is not how normal people throw a party.

You will be fine. You are going to look nice and everything will be fine!

Its an event for my fiances company. So its even worse the nnormal because not only do I know absoutley NO ONE. I'm terrified taht I am going to embarass my fiance in front of all his bosses and co-workers because I am not a very graceful and elegant person. (I'm more of a wiings and beer chick) I am not sayig I don't have great manners I do (mom made sure of that) I'm just very shy at social events. Plus my fiance is realtively new to this company and they say he has alot of potential...plus I'm intimidated by some of the other wives....ya know the supermodel look great in a burlap sack type woman...while I'm not bad looking but I'm very short and half the time I am lucky if I match! (never was into fashion)

Okay I'm kind of a weird one I LOVE doing anything that involves a formal gown LOL!
DON'T:
Worry about embarrassing your fiance! He loves you and thats all that matters!
Think about walking if you are not used to wearing the heels. Just kinda let it happen.
Think everyone's eyes are focused on you! Chances are they will all be chatting it up and socializing!
Dont just stand by him all night! Try to get out there and chat it up a little and just be kind a introduce yourself! Mingle a lot and enjoy the small talk!

DO:
Get the shoes you are wearing out NOW! Wear them around the house today and tonight, cook dinner in them, vacuum in them, anything! Trust me if you just get used to them you will be much better off!
Practice making your makeup look nice! Or if you dont feel comfortable doing your own, go to the mall! Many of the clinique booths or make up booths will do your make up for free or very little.
Make sure to stand with your shoulders back! Posture makes the difference!
Make sure to have a nice bra that will go with the dress or corset type undergarment. If the dress is strapless either go for pasties, a backless bra, or Duct Tape (yes... it works... hurts like a mofo to take off...)
Tell yourself that you belong there. They are not better then you, they just know how to act at these things and put on a show! You can do it too! Just relax, breathe, and be yourself!

Originally Posted by capt_jordi

Okay I'm kind of a weird one I LOVE doing anything that involves a formal gown LOL!
DON'T:
Worry about embarrassing your fiance! He loves you and thats all that matters!
Think about walking if you are not used to wearing the heels. Just kinda let it happen.
Think everyone's eyes are focused on you! Chances are they will all be chatting it up and socializing!
Dont just stand by him all night! Try to get out there and chat it up a little and just be kind a introduce yourself! Mingle a lot and enjoy the small talk!

DO:
Get the shoes you are wearing out NOW! Wear them around the house today and tonight, cook dinner in them, vacuum in them, anything! Trust me if you just get used to them you will be much better off!
Practice making your makeup look nice! Or if you dont feel comfortable doing your own, go to the mall! Many of the clinique booths or make up booths will do your make up for free or very little.
Make sure to stand with your shoulders back! Posture makes the difference!
Make sure to have a nice bra that will go with the dress or corset type undergarment. If the dress is strapless either go for pasties, a backless bra, or Duct Tape (yes... it works... hurts like a mofo to take off...)
Tell yourself that you belong there. They are not better then you, they just know how to act at these things and put on a show! You can do it too! Just relax, breathe, and be yourself!

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Great advice! Think of it as a costume party and everyone is "pretending" to be fancy, vapid and boring! You can do it, too! Watch out for convo's on politics and religion (double ).

Originally Posted by capt_jordi

Tell yourself that you belong there. They are not better then you, they just know how to act at these things and put on a show! You can do it too! Just relax, breathe, and be yourself!

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I think this is the best advice (everything else is great too!). Black tie events are stressful, simply because of what is expected. Just be yourself. I got SO stressed out about one military ball I went too, and I made the mistake of saying "Yes Sir" to a Staff Sargent. Yeah, that was a major mistake in the military world. I got a big speech about how he was "enlisted" and he actually worked for his pay. At the end of the the night he was dancing me around the floor and my BF was jealous.

You will be fine sweetie. Just be yourself and have a great time. I think at dinners like this, the achohol flows freely and most people don't remember much.

You and I could probably be twins! I'm a wings and beer type of girl myself, but I know how to handle myself in this situation because my mom taught me just like yours taught you. Yeah, it's scarey but it's worth it.

I said it before and I will say it again....be yourself! Fancy dress, high heels and a new hair-do doesn't change who you are. You will be fine.

Make yourself look your best and then forget all about it and enjoy yourself. I used to love the black tie events I had to go to in the big world. But advice about bags is good. Take the smallest one you can, just room for your cloakroom ticket and a lipstick if possible. If you have one that has a long strap or silk cord that matches your dress, that is good, as you will have to leave it on the table to dance otherwise. Do not put more money into it than you are certain you will need and then you needn't worry about where it is all the time.

I have to go to one of these just about every year. My father and his brothers own a residential construction and land developing company, and the parties are for the local builders association. I'm not a girly girl, getting there though, and we're pretty broke most of the time so I can't afford to buy really fancy dresses or shoes. At these parties all we really have to do is: walk in, get our picture taken if we want to (which I'm usually forced to by my mother), then go sit down at the table, eat dinner, then listen to a bunch of stiffs talk for over an hour (it was funny this year though, b/c our congressman told a joke about thong panties LMAO!!). I sat directly in front of our congressman with my back to him, and one time we stood up to clap my dress stuck to my butt. OMG I was so embarrased!! We were in the front of the room also, b/c my dad's real estate manager was made the president of the builders association, so we were at the first two tables.

After the talking they dismissed people for desert and dancing, and at that point we usually just leave. One year (the first time we went actually) we stayed and danced, but my uncle was made the president so we were forced to stay the whole time. We haven't stayed to dance since then.

Here is a photo of my family at the party. It is missing a few people from the company (the person made president isn't in this picture). I'm in the polka dots, and I hate the way the photographer posed me b/c it makes me look hunch backed. My father is in the tux with the blue tie at the far left and my mom is right next to him in all black. My sister is in all black next to me with her boyfriend holding her hand, and my husband is between us. The rest are a few of my aunts and uncles. The three men on the left side are all brothers.

My hair was curled under, but it was snowing/raining when we came in and it went completely flat.

Just relax and have fun. I hate going to these things but I normally just drink a lot and end up partying lol in a classier way of course. One thing I have been complimented on is being a very classy drunk when I need to be. Wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t my Daddy be proud .

My advice would be to learn about cutlery, plates, and glasses and which one should be used for which meal. Usually these things have a multiple of items on the table. The rule of thumb for cutlery is to work from the outside to the inside. These things are basically about having fun, small talk, and being on your best behavior. There are certain things that arenâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t necessary but are guidelines for these things. Such as always placing your napkin on your lap when seated to eat and if you leave, leave the napkin on your chair and not the table. While eating bread pull off small pieces and butter it instead of buttering the whole piece and swallowing it whole lol. My boyfriend does this… avoid messy foods, donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t put on makeup at the table. I am trying to think of some other small things but I cant. Its mostly just being confidant, and classy, its all pretty basic, and straightforward.

Donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t worry about not knowing anyone or being shy. As long as you stand up straight, and make eye contact your good to go. If someone engages in conversation with you the best way to have people think you are an awesome conversationalist is to ask questions on whatever they are talking about and seems very interested. If its for a business ask the person about what they do and keep asking smaller questions to their answers. Once that gets old ask about family, kids etc, people love to talk about their loved ones. Eventually you will feel confident enough with that person to engage in a more friendly comfortable conversation being as you now know the person better. If you pass that person while walking smile and say hello to them and if you remember their name say it, itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s a friendly gesture.

I think the main thing is learning about whatâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]s on the table and when to use it and relaxing. These things can be so much fun and the food is always awesome. Enjoy yourself, itâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]ll be romantic in a way, dressing up and going to a fancy dinner with your man, sounds good to me!

Here's my best advice for dealing with unfamiliar social situations:

Relax, be yourself and pretend you know what you're doing.

As long as you look confident, you'll be fine. Trust me here, I know...I organize fancy social events all the time. Odds are, this is an unfamiliar situation to everybody else there as well. It doesn't much matter if you use the wrong fork...nobody else will know what the right fork is either.

And even if they do I've NEVER ever heard anyone say at the end of an evening "can you believe so-and-so's fiancee used the WRONG FORK". It just won't happen. People will remember that you're nice or that you're funny, not that you didn't make every single move perfectly. At worst they'll remember that you're kind of quiet, and that won't in any way harm your fiancee's future with the company. The only way you can really make a bad impression is to get loaded and do something totally embarassing. Just don't do that and you're OK.

Have a great time tomorrow!

Originally Posted by Tari

Here's my best advice for dealing with unfamiliar social situations:

Relax, be yourself and pretend you know what you're doing.

As long as you look confident, you'll be fine. Trust me here, I know...I organize fancy social events all the time. Odds are, this is an unfamiliar situation to everybody else there as well. It doesn't much matter if you use the wrong fork...nobody else will know what the right fork is either.

And even if they do I've NEVER ever heard anyone say at the end of an evening "can you believe so-and-so's fiancee used the WRONG FORK". It just won't happen. People will remember that you're nice or that you're funny, not that you didn't make every single move perfectly. At worst they'll remember that you're kind of quiet, and that won't in any way harm your fiancee's future with the company. The only way you can really make a bad impression is to get loaded and do something totally embarassing. Just don't do that and you're OK.

Have a great time tomorrow!

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I'm sure I never use the right fork, I never really pay attention. I'm sure no one else does either.

I completely agree with this post!! Just be yourself, and soon enough the night will be over.

Of course you donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t have to use to correct fork. I was only typing what has made me embarrassed and uncomfortable in my past. Being painfully shy and watching everyone seem like they knew what they were doing made me feel embarrassed and because of this I felt uncomfortable and even more shy and I would want to hide. Nothing you do will make people hate you or anything but there are some things that are different at black tie event then normal fancy dinners. If you are shy and donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know about them before hand I would think it would make you even more uncomfortable… it would for me anyway.

I'm sorry if it seemed like my comments were directed at you, silvionc. They absolutely weren't intended that way. I just meant that when I first started having to do these things I got very nervous about not knowing the "right" way to do everything. It took me a long time to realize that nobody was really paying that much attention to me. And now that I do know what the "right" way is, everybody else is asking me because they don't have a clue.

I just think that the most important thing is to be true to yourself. If you're genuine people will recognize that and they'll forgive a whole lot.

My advice is to have a glass of wine first thing, and then relax, lol. If, at any time in the evening you aren't sure what to do, just look around and do what everyone else is doing. Hope you have fun!

I have no idea because I haven't attended one but I know you will be fine!

Thank you all for your support and GREAT advice!!! I feel alot better now that I have some pointers and advice to guide me through the evning.

I have gotten my nails done (which I never do since I chip them whenever I even go near my paino) and my hair done....so now i'm just killing time until its time to go...(surfing the cat site and planning the menu for THE SUPER BOWL TOMORROW!!)

kara_leigh you look lovely in that picture! Heh I have the opposite problem...my hair is nauturally curly so I flatten it for formal events and the minute ANY water hits it...poof I become a curly chia pet!!

now all I have to do is...not fall flat on my face...(I was my biggest fear during my college graduation...so much that I forgo fancy shoes and wore my sensible yet not matching clogs under my robe)

So how was it

It was fun...

but....I had my moments....first off since I borrowed my sisters dress it was a bit big and it got me into trouble in that the back (which was cut out and open) kept on sliding around so my bra kept on showing so badly that I had to keep my wrap on all night (which worked out fine since the place was FREEZING) but I looked great and my sis was right the dress was perfect!

I didn't embarassed my fiance at all in fact Iwas chatting wit hthe head of the company and didn't even realize it! but it was all good.

The only issues I ran into were:
At the cocktail hour (which had AMAZING food) all the guys shaking my hand were shaking it so vigirously that they spilled my martini all over me!! and then another person wanted to shake my hand and I was like oh I'm sorry but I have stuff all over my hand...the lady next to me saw what happened (I didn't react at all when it happened I just kept on going like nothing happened and discretly tried to wipe the mess up with my hand) and she passed me a napkin so I could wipe up and shake the persons hand. (I felt a little bad until another woman had the SAME thing happen to her!)

Then we went into the ballroom for dinner and I have never been to an affiar that was so formal that my seat was already assigned at the table...so I didn't know I was supposed to sit at the chair to the right of the napkin with my name on it...until I went to sit down and the guy next to me was like..err I think your place is one over..I apologized and he just started to laugh and said don't worry about it...he couldn't even FIND our table!! So it was good...until....

The waitress dumped red wine all over me... thank goodness I was wearing black!! After that...it went smoothly...until the guy next to me bumped into me while I was eating my salad which sent the lettuce all over the place...Mind you i was trying not to move too much since my dress kept on sliding around. But no one seemed to mind and I talked to my fiances Co-workers and they were all happy to meet me since apparently he talks about me all the time and we danced and enjoyed some really amazing food.

Then on the way home my fiance informed me that this is a YEARLY event and I was like great...next year I will be more prepared AND I will get a dress that acutally fits!!! But I hope that this year he will do so well that he can get an award next year. Even though they didn't serve dinner until 10 because of speeches and an awards presentation I did find it interesting since overall I really didnt know much about how his company was doing in this economy (his feild is totally different from mine) so I learned alot and got to see that he is workign for a wonderful company that places ALOT of value on the spouse and family.

So I survived and again thank you all for your wonderful advice! It really helped me out and settled my nerves when the bad stuff did happen since all I did was laugh it off. Even though mom said I should have mentioned something to the waitress who dumped the wine on me since she said that the catering hall would have paid for the dry cleaning...and I didn't know that.

and I'm happy because today I got to be my wings and beer self at a super bowl party!

AWWWWWWWWWWWW you did so well! Despite those unavoidable hiccups you had. Was the meal nice?

Originally Posted by kara_leigh

I'm sure I never use the right fork, I never really pay attention. I'm sure no one else does either.

I completely agree with this post!! Just be yourself, and soon enough the night will be over.

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The simple rule: Always use silverware from the outside in. In other words, the cutlery farthest from the plate. Usually, the server will take away the silver you have used, adjust for the next course, and bring in the food.

Going on a cruise is good practice for this kind of dinner. And a 7-day cruise usually has two "formal" nights. The ladies usually love the chance to dress up. The guys just grumble.