My life is very busy, which is a good thing, and it is during those moments where I can sit down and feel good and relaxed, b/c I accomplished what I set out to do in a day, that I start to think about Angus. Well, I think about him all the time, but during my quiet time I can really remember him. Last night, I finished my school work and boiled water for tea and remembered the day I finally clipped one of Angus's polydactyl claws all by myself. It took a few minutes, but he was such a calm boy. He didn't fuss or whine or jump away. It was like he knew it had to be done. I really had to press hard on the scissors and finally I heard it cut through and the nail shot up and almost hit me in the eye. I released him and started dancing around the apartment, so proud of myself. Proud of him. I gave him a treat and ran out and bought him a stuffed monkey toy. I kept the nail on a shelf. I came across it last night, and the emotions flowed immediately. I miss him so much. I still replay the events of his last day in my head. It is important to me that I grieve now privately. I'm really beginning to see and understand how Angus impacted my life. It's such a beautiful thing. But I really wanted him in my life for 20+ years. He was so good. Funny. Loving. Sometimes I close my eyes and caress the air above my chest b/c that's where he slept. I am really struggling today.
post #1 of 8
1/29/09 at 7:42am