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ekekekek07

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My life is very busy, which is a good thing, and it is during those moments where I can sit down and feel good and relaxed, b/c I accomplished what I set out to do in a day, that I start to think about Angus. Well, I think about him all the time, but during my quiet time I can really remember him. Last night, I finished my school work and boiled water for tea and remembered the day I finally clipped one of Angus's polydactyl claws all by myself. It took a few minutes, but he was such a calm boy. He didn't fuss or whine or jump away. It was like he knew it had to be done. I really had to press hard on the scissors and finally I heard it cut through and the nail shot up and almost hit me in the eye. I released him and started dancing around the apartment, so proud of myself. Proud of him. I gave him a treat and ran out and bought him a stuffed monkey toy. I kept the nail on a shelf. I came across it last night, and the emotions flowed immediately. I miss him so much. I still replay the events of his last day in my head. It is important to me that I grieve now privately. I'm really beginning to see and understand how Angus impacted my life. It's such a beautiful thing. But I really wanted him in my life for 20+ years. He was so good. Funny. Loving. Sometimes I close my eyes and caress the air above my chest b/c that's where he slept. I am really struggling today.
 

jaffacake

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I`m sorry your having a hard time and I totally agree that you need to grieve in private. So many people don`t understand that you do go through the greiving process with a pet especially when it was that special
one.

You carry on doing the things that bring you comfort
I have done the stroking the air thing, I open the door every night to let him come in or out, I kiss his photo and say goodnight to him when I blow out his candles and I keep his ashes next to me when I`m at home.

Someone saw Kittys urn next to my pillow a few days ago and told me I was sick


Try to remember the good times and don`t hold back the tears. You will never forget but it will get easier
 
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ekekekek07

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Young Cat
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Highland Park, NJ
i have angus's ashes in a wooden box and i placed a small amount in a cylinder pendant that i occasionally wear tucked into my shirt b/c it is another private thing that i am not at all ashamed of, but i don't feel like explaining it to people. i feel asleep with the the box on my chest the night i got them and i keep them on the night stand b/c angus loved to sit under the lamp and stare at me
it's definitely not sick to keep the urn by your side. i didn't expect to have this attachment to the pendant or the box, but i think it's part of the process. it's helping me cope. missing him is more challenging then mourning him was b/c missing is a cold harsh ache. i am looking forward to bringing home a cat in march. thanks for the replies everyone!
 

jaffacake

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Oh, I love the idea of a pendant
That is really sweet.

I think having another cat will help you
I`m so glad I have Maisie and my new boy, you know they can never replace the one you lost and the relationship is different but they are all unique and bring you many rewards
 
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