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My boyfriends mother(A long rant)

post #1 of 28
Thread Starter 
OMG i just do not know what to do anymore............ Me and Aaron(my man)have our own place we rent,Aaron and his mother had this great idea for her to move into our basement suite which has its own kitchen,bathroom,bedroom and livingroom there is no reason to be upstairs all the time.She tries to take over the care of my animals,the training and basically the way we spend our money(we don't spend stupidly and all our bills are paid)so what is the problem with our money spending???????
We found a new place to move into and i do not want her to come with us and he does not either but he is afraid to tell her so now she tells me all the time how excited she is about the move.......I swear i am gonna scream.
He is gone from 630am- 530 or 6pm I am home because i work nights She cleans(like dishes and such)upstairs while i try to sleep.After Feb 13 i will be off work for 2-6months after back surgery and i am thankful she will be there to help after my hospital release but she will drive me nuts...... sigh

There is alot more just typing sucks
post #2 of 28
It sounds like she is just trying to be helpful by cleaning and offering suggestions. If she's a bit overbearing, I think it's up to your SO to tell her that while her help is appreciated, it really isn't necessary (being careful to not hurt her feelings, of course). She won't know that her input isn't appreciated, if no one mentions it to her.

I would imagine it's difficult to live with a parent. I would not want either of my (or SO's) parents living with us unless it was for health or financial reasons. I love my parents and SO's parents, but now it's sort of time for us to make our lives together, the way we would like.

Good luck.
post #3 of 28
Thread Starter 
I have talked to her before about everything,my biggest thing was getting like 2 hours of sleep during the day because she is making way to much noise upstairs whether be from dishes,her playing computer games(with the volume cranked),or playing loud music(while she cleans),or her yelling and punishing MY dogs that did perfectly fine with me sleeping during the day before she moved in.
Aaron thinks it is best if he stays out of it,yet during the day when i am awake(after she woke me) all she does is nag about us never buying groceries we tend not to as much because she goes hard core on the food and hides it when she buys.
post #4 of 28
Sounds to me that she is a bit to involved in your lives! The two of you established a home together, yet he and his mother decided she should move in downstairs? Aaron thinks best if he says nothing? From what you've said, you had little if any choice and he decided for you that she would live with you both. Obviously he forgot to mention that any complications from this living arrangement, he would have nothing to do with. After all, it's best if he stays out of it.....
post #5 of 28
Find a new place; a one bedroom. That way his mother can't move with you.
post #6 of 28
Can you lock any doors so she can't come up to your place??
She doesn't seem to respect your requests-have you sat down and explained this to her.
She doesn't work?? Does she need to live with your for financial reasons?
post #7 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
Find a new place; a one bedroom. That way his mother can't move with you.
And he needs to step up and tell his Mom no. I had a family member propose a similar situation (to take place in 4-5 yrs) and all I could think was HECK NO! I'll live in our small 2 bedroom house with no room for house guests forever if need be. I really couldn't live with my parents again. And being married, neither of us want parents moving in.
post #8 of 28
I live with my in-laws and hate it (been there 3.5 years). The closing on our house is taking entirely too long, been dragging out for about a month & a half now. I swear if we didn't live a few hundred feet from them in our new house, she'd be trying to move in. She has to know every move and be around us as much as possible and get into our business constantly.

I feel your pain!

Definitely have him tell her NO. He's old enough to talk to her about these things and make it clear only the TWO of you are moving.
post #9 of 28
Sounds like maybe it's time for you to get your own place and let your boyfriend stay with his mother, at least temporarily. Find a place that's big enough for the two of you (plus kitties) but not for three, then move in by yourself. When he comes to his senses he can move in with you. Tell your boyfriend what you're doing and why. It's his responsibility to tell his mother, you shouldn't have to explain yourself to her.

Whatever you decide to do, keep the communication with your boyfriend open. Guys (and a lot of girls) are not too good at picking up on subtle hints. Sometimes you have to hit them over the head with a 2 by 4.
post #10 of 28
Its your bf's place to tell his mother that she will not be moving with you when you move. Tell her you need your OWN place and are capable of caring for your pets and finances without her help.

My husband dealt with his ex's mother living with them. After that experience he vowed that neither one of our parents would be living with us! It never ends, the mother trys to take over and you never can have privacy.
post #11 of 28
Thread Starter 
Sorry the long time to respond,Aaron will be talking to his mother I have tried numerous times.Ohh and on a double good note she is going out tonight for the whole night...... romantic night planned for us.
post #12 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelic00 View Post
Sorry the long time to respond,Aaron will be talking to his mother I have tried numerous times.Ohh and on a double good note she is going out tonight for the whole night...... romantic night planned for us.
You should make this evening work for you! Get as many promises as you can out of him, make him work for some lovin! He should realize what hes missing out on because of the current stressful situation.
post #13 of 28
Thread Starter 
It has been a few months since i posted about Aarons mother,I have really awesome news.....She is moving out I am not sure it is wrong to be this happy but i am,Ohh ya she is moving out the end of this month.
post #14 of 28
My divorce was mostly cuz my in-laws would not leave us alone. They came over whenever they wanted and didn't call before. I just got so fed up that it actually helped end our marriage. Don't let this happen to your relationship, someone has to tell her she has to go and that's that. Be nice but firm. Parents of either partner living with you is never a good thing and very rarely works out well. I would nip this in the bud.
post #15 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelic00 View Post
It has been a few months since i posted about Aarons mother,I have really awesome news.....She is moving out I am not sure it is wrong to be this happy but i am,Ohh ya she is moving out the end of this month.
Good news! I don't think it is wrong to be happy about her moving out. It is much better for you and Aaron to be alone.
post #16 of 28
It is so true that rarely can two women live in the same house. There is just not enough room in the kitchen for two, I agree totally.
post #17 of 28
This is very good news for you and your relationship, congrats.
post #18 of 28
Best luck on your relationship. Hopefully things will be a lot better now. And hope in the future it never happens again. At least you are warned what can happen!
post #19 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelic00 View Post
It has been a few months since i posted about Aarons mother,I have really awesome news.....She is moving out I am not sure it is wrong to be this happy but i am,Ohh ya she is moving out the end of this month.
Congrats!!! Make sure you never ever agree to have her move back in with you guys. It's so sad but mother in laws are like the devil!!! Eek
post #20 of 28
Thread Starter 
In some ways my first marriage ended because of his mother,He was abusive and hit me his mother was always at my house and when he would hit me in front of her she told me i better not go blaming her son for it,Even though his father was ready to beat him when he found out.
I am beyond excited about her moving out it will be alot harder on the bills and such since i was cut off my disability but i am willing to make it work.
post #21 of 28
The situation sucks- try to talk to your boyfriend into moving somewhere where she doesn't live with you...
post #22 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelic00 View Post
In some ways my first marriage ended because of his mother,He was abusive and hit me his mother was always at my house and when he would hit me in front of her she told me i better not go blaming her son for it,Even though his father was ready to beat him when he found out.
I am beyond excited about her moving out it will be alot harder on the bills and such since i was cut off my disability but i am willing to make it work.
that sounds horrible.....Mothers are the ones who teach their sons how to treat women she was not doing her job as a mother...
post #23 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by BMW Kitty Cat View Post
Congrats!!! Make sure you never ever agree to have her move back in with you guys. It's so sad but mother in laws are like the devil!!! Eek
You know, I find this pretty offensive. Her boyfriend was born and raised by that woman. Isn't there a chance that the best thing to do is for him to do whatever it takes to take care of his mother?

From the posts, she's not a burden on them other than her intrusiveness which is probably a mistake and is surely done out of love, not bad intentions.

A good sit down with all 3 and iron out the boundries would be a much better solution, and I'll tell ya one thing, any woman that tries to put my mother out would be packing her bags.

I do want to clarify something though, I'm happy for angelico getting relief. I do understand the frustration.
post #24 of 28
Thread Starter 
She has caused so many arguments and fights between me and Aaron it was at the point it was her or me(and i would have gladly left)She is never home anymore which is a good thing,she is moving at the end of the month and will not be here much until then.Anyone can take offense to me not wanting her living with me,but it is time whether she like it or not to leave us alone and let us have our own lives(we are 30 already).
post #25 of 28
I didn't take offense to your post at all. and I DO understand your position. What I don't agree with is someone thinking they somehow have a right to refuse to let their SO offer assistance to the people that dedicated their lives to raising them.

I think you have plenty of room to vent. I didn't see you saying you were telling him to tell her to move, sounds like you accepted it, and just got upset at things. That, to me is a valiant thing, to agree to live in a tense situation for the consideration of your S/O's family responsibilities
post #26 of 28
Thread Starter 
It might have worked out if when we talked to her she did not take things way to seriously.She is going to live with her daughter and her boyfriend,So it is not like she is left in the cold.
post #27 of 28
it probably bugs me a little because i'm dead center in that situation.

I also know when my grandpa died (i was too young to remember) my mom's mother stayed with all of her kids. 3 months at a time with all 3. She did this for over 20 years.

Personally I think it would be awful to be that age and not have your own roots somewhere, but then again, she never had a driver license either. So some people just think differently

Glad to hear she got tied in with a family member.
post #28 of 28
Quote:
Originally Posted by angelic00 View Post
She is going to live with her daughter and her boyfriend
Ironically that's what a woman at work is doing.

She is eligible to retire and her and her husband talked with their daughter and her husband who live about 2 hours out of the City and all have agreed that she should retire and her and her husband should move in with the daughter and her family.

Apparently they all get along very well and are very close.

From what I understand is the daughter and her husband have a huge house, so the woman from work and her husband are selling their own house in the City and when they move in with their daughter this summer, they will have their bedroom and share the rest of the common space as part of the family and help with part of the mortgage payment.

This arrangement will get the daughter's house paid off much faster and also allow them to all be near one another.

I don't have any parents now, but if I did, at this point in my life I'd love to have them living with me. I miss my parents a great deal. I haven't had the experience of parents as an adult since both of mine died when I was 15 and 16 years old, so I don't know how I would deal with a meddling parent. I think my reaction now that I'm in my 40's would be very different than it would have been when I was in my 20's though. I was quite the "wild child" in my 20's and I'm sure my Mom would have been at me left, right and centre about some of the things I did and my behaviour in general.
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