My bridesmaid scheduled her wedding right before mine

trouts mom

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So, maybe I am being totally selfish but here is the scenario:

One of my bridesmaids just got engaged in the Fall. AFTER we got engaged...now they have announced there wedding is in May...ONE MONTH before ours.

They have just had a baby in December..and now they are getting married right before us.

I don't care for her fiance, and as ridiculous as it sounds..I think he is just trying to do everything before we do. (So stupid I know)

Anyway, I love my friend...I do not like the guy she is marrying..and I feel totally bitter about their wedding being so close to ours.

I have a hard time even acting happy for them (partly because I see through her fiance).

What do I even do? This is so awkward..I can't even tell any real life person other than Josh how I feel because she is literally such a close friend of mine I don't want to make any drama.
 

tara g

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My husband's cousin got engaged in December 2005. Rob and I had gotten together in February 2005, so we'd been dating about 10 months when her fiance proposed.. We got engaged in February 2007, and married in February 2008. His cousin didn't get married until August 2008. (I guess maybe it's their fault for having such a long engagement!) She accused us of doing everything before her, too. We've also built a house long before them. The thing she asked for this time was "At least let me be the first to have kids!" We told her she doesn't have to worry there, we don't want any at all.

I don't think there should be a "race" to get married. We were the first ones of all the people we know that got engaged in '07 to get married. But it wouldn't have really bothered me if one of our friends got engaged after and married before us. I'd try not to let it bother you either. I don't know your friend, but I don't see why she would be trying to get married first to aggravate you. Even if that's her fiance's idea, you should be happy with the date you and your fiance set and not care when anyone else gets married.
 
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trouts mom

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Oh I don't care when they get married because I want to get married before them. I just think its weird that they chose so close to our date..and when they just had a baby.

I feel like they are stealing our thunder


Trust me, I wish I didn't feel this way..I know its ridiculous and it makes me feel terrible.
 

going nova

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Don't worry, I don't think you're silly for feeling like they're stealing your thunder. Your wedding day is one of the most important days in your life, probably, so it's no wonder you are sensitive to every detail.

That said, if I had two sets of friends or family getting married in close temporal proximity, it wouldn't make either friend's wedding any less special to me. I think you should not let it put a damper on your day and try to just be happy for your friend. If she's happy marrying the guy, you can be extra happy that you're marrying someone who isn't him!


Jokes aside, maybe they are getting married so soon because they just had a baby? I have a niece who had a baby two months ago, and she's getting married two months from now. It's a short engagement but the family's already made so it's kind of time to get married now!


 

forensic

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... So?
It's not the day of or before or some such.


"Stealing our thunder", pheh... at least this way they have less time to plan and obviously your wedding will be better.
 

calico2222

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Honestly hon, I don't think she's trying to steal your thunder (although that is the first thing I thought...until I sat back and actually THOUGHT about it). You're getting married in the spring, which is the most popular time for weddings. Summer is just too hot, autumn is too unpredictible and winter is just...well...winter. If they just had a baby last month, they probably want to make it official as soon as possible so it's a logical time.

Think of it this way. You can go to her wedding, and take notes about what you don't want to do at YOUR wedding. There is a month in between, and you will still be the Queen on your wedding day. Trust me!!
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by Trouts mom

I feel like they are stealing our thunder
.
You're jealous, plain and simple. You have two choices, get over it or risk taking it out on your friend and straining/losing the friendship.

Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. Don't stain it with such a petty emotion as jealousy - as long as she's there to be your bridesmaid (which I assume she agreed to) you have nothing logical to hold against her.
 

mimosa

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I'm getting married in July and I'm happy some people decided to marry shortly before us, I can take notes !

I'm also happy my friend got married before me, because she can be quite a copycat
I did not care for her fiancÃ[emoji]169[/emoji] either so i had mixed feelings too, and now they are already getting a divorce. I am 100% certain my guy and me are in it for the long haul, after 9 years everything is still so much fun, and so will our wedding, so to me it will be the best anyways !
 

cheylink

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I have yet to even come close to wanting to marry, but I thought it was about the life long bond and commitment you make to one another.
 
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trouts mom

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Originally Posted by strange_wings

You're jealous, plain and simple. You have two choices, get over it or risk taking it out on your friend and straining/losing the friendship.

Weddings are supposed to be happy occasions. Don't stain it with such a petty emotion as jealousy - as long as she's there to be your bridesmaid (which I assume she agreed to) you have nothing logical to hold against her.
Yeah I know its jealousy. I expressed how ridiculous I feel already having these feelings. Thanks for making it so very clear to me yet again though.


Originally Posted by cheylink

I have yet to even come close to wanting to marry, but I thought it was about the life long bond and commitment you make to one another.
Yep it certainly is. My bond with my FH has NOTHING to do with my feelings here. I was just trying to share some feelings here which I haven't done in a very long time...and I suppose after a few posts here I remember why.

Bottom line is, I can't wait to be Josh's wife...somedays I even think we should scratch this whole big wedding and just run away. I am interested in living with him and us sharing our whole worlds with eachother. The fact that I feel weird about my friend getting married right before us...? Has nada to do with our connection and committment.
 

snake_lady

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What really got me jealous. My husband and I have been together for 8yrs (before that it was off and on, and other people). His brother met a woman, and within a year or so they were married, and I wasn't even engaged.
I was very very jealous, and had many talks to my husband about it. I mean heck, me and DH had the child, had the house, but for his own reasons he couldn't propose at the time.

The thought of his brother marrying before us definately hurt me, since I had been wanting marriage for years. I was jealous, very jealous.

I hate feeling jealous, it seems to be one of the worst feelings. But we are human, and we do have emotions, jealousy being one of them.

I can understand your feelings very much. I do hope that it will subside though, so that this can be a happy time for everyone. Some people do get married with a shorter wait, which your friend is doing. I don't think she deliberately planned it to spite you or anything. May and June are great months to be married. Maybe she wanted May so that it wasn't in the same month as yours.

I hope you are able to be happy for your friend (feelings towards her spouse aside) and that you both have wonderful weddings.
 

momofmany

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The year that we got married, we stood up in 5 and attended another 5 other weddings that year. Of the 10 weddings, 8 of them were our friends, and there was the same group of attendees to all of them. It just so happened that we were all of the same marrying age.

And my observation of all those weddings was this: a couple of the brides felt they were in competition with the other weddings, and they were miserable through the entire ordeal. Everything had to be perfect and better than the others. Those that just looked at the other weddings as an excuse to hang out with their friends had a great time at their own.

Your wedding day is a celebration of the life you plan to share together. The dresses, flowers, vows, dinner, music, etc are all simply symbols of the ceremony, and personal to you. There is no competition in weddings, and there shouldn't be anything that happens outside of that ceremony that will steal your thunder. Your day is your day. Your friends day is her day. Celebrate both of them for what they are.
 

cruisermaiden

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If they already have a child together I doubt she is just trying to do everything before you. Perhaps she just wants to get married before the baby gets much older? I donâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t know them so I canâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t say, but maybe the date they have chosen for their wedding is a special day for them – like an anniversary of their first date or something? Or maybe they just want a Spring wedding too and are intentionally not doing it in June when you are getting married?

It is a very awkward situation!

I wouldnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t push it because you need to remember her wedding is as important to her as yours is to you. If she asks you to be in her wedding and you would have done so if it wasnâ€[emoji]8482[/emoji]t the month before yours I would do it. But I would also make sure she knows you will be very busy planning and organizing your own wedding so you may not be able to help her as much as you otherwise would have.
 

gailc

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One of my bridemaid and one of our groomsmen got married each got married about two months before our wedding.
For my bridesmaid it was great as I "borrowed" her idea of headpieces for the bridesmaid and her mom had made a banner at church that was great and I was able to use it for mine. These were items I had not really though about until her wedding!!
We all had a much different bunch of friends and were married (the groomsman) in different cities. My bridesmaid was married at my same church so it was a good practice run!!

I wouldn't let it bother you if you can help it.
 

mbjerkness

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A friend of ours did the same thing to us. I felt the same as you. I was jealous because, We were paying for our own wedding. We had a very small wedding. When she saw my rings , she took hers back and got the same as mine. She chose the same colors. Of course hers was a huge wedding . I was green
I felt that she was taking something special away from me. Two years later they were divorced. It's been 29 years we are still together.
I think mine turned out much better.
My advice to you is , do it your way enjoy, every minute of it.
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by Trouts mom

Yeah I know its jealousy. I expressed how ridiculous I feel already having these feelings. Thanks for making it so very clear to me yet again though.
.
Well, I'm not going to coddle you and tell you it's alright to feel this way like everyone else is. It may be a natural reaction for many to feel jealousy, but it's a harmful emotion. Ultimately it causes problems unless you can get over it.

If your friend means a lot to you, work though it for her sake. Besides it's something you and your finance can do together, and there'll be free food.
 

jugen

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Originally Posted by Trouts mom

Yeah I know its jealousy. I expressed how ridiculous I feel already having these feelings. Thanks for making it so very clear to me yet again though.




Yep it certainly is. My bond with my FH has NOTHING to do with my feelings here. I was just trying to share some feelings here which I haven't done in a very long time...and I suppose after a few posts here I remember why.

Bottom line is, I can't wait to be Josh's wife...somedays I even think we should scratch this whole big wedding and just run away. I am interested in living with him and us sharing our whole worlds with eachother. The fact that I feel weird about my friend getting married right before us...? Has nada to do with our connection and committment.
Oh honey,
I'm so sorry you feel bad about commenting on your feelings. I understand that you're feeling like they're stealing your thunder. I'm sorry that you feel this way, but could it be possible that you're worried about your friend and are just feeling like it's jealousy? I mean if her man isn't the best in the world( and we all know cat owners have great sense of people
) then it could be that you're just upset that she's marrying someone that's not good for her?
I'm sorry that you're upset. Don't let it ruin your day. You're a great person and everyone knows that.
 

sarahp

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Originally Posted by Going Nova

That said, if I had two sets of friends or family getting married in close temporal proximity, it wouldn't make either friend's wedding any less special to me.


I don't think anyone else will think she's "stealing your thunder" or anything like that.

I also agree that it sounds like it's the best time to get married, and they just want to get it over with - it may have also been the only date available at short notice.

And think of it this way - she'll be going through the same stresses as you, so she will be the perfect person to go shopping with and vent to.

I know it sucks feeling jealous, but it's one of those things that happens. Maybe say something like "wow, you guys don't have much time to prepare", and maybe she'll explain why she booked it so soon. If not, let it be
 

katiemae1277

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I can totally understand where you're coming from, Natalie. Brides do tend to get a little sensitive about everything cause of the stress of wanting everything to be "right". If you have never planned a wedding, you cannot even begin to understand how it can take on a life of it's own, IMO.

I like Hope's idea of taking notes of things you do not want to happen at your wedding and those that have said at least this way she can't copy you


The only advice I can give you is that your wedding is just one day, and if yours is anything like mine was, it flies by in a blur and you can barely remember what happened
so try not to stress too much
 
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