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I'm hurtin'

post #1 of 42
Thread Starter 
I can't live like this, any more. Bill won't talk to me, we haven't been out, since New Year's Eve and the last time that we went out to dinner, was his birthday, back in February.

The past couple of months have been rough: Mark's drugging and subsequent rehab, job hunting, the twins being born and now my ex is jerking me around, with the alimony. Just when I REALLY need comfort and support, Bill pulls away.

I thought that we had patched things up, last month but I guess not. He comes home from work and starts drinking beer - one right after the other. By the time that we've had dinner and he's showered, he's totally blotto. We haven't made love, in over a month.

My ex has been sending one check, per day. So far, he's sent a total of $105.00. Today was a check for $5.00. I got upset and was ranting a bit (understandable). Because of this, I haven't been able to pay Bill my share of the household expenses, yet. His comment was, "This is jamming me up." My response, "I'm sorry but I'M jammed up, too."

While going out, for a smoke, I shut the screen door a bit forcefully. He said, "Don't you go slamming MY f---in' door." I said, "Fine, I'll just move out."

Anyway, I juggled some numbers and gave him a check, for $200.00. I also gave him my engagement ring and told him that he could get some of his money back. He just took the ring and hasn't said a word to me, since. He's been drinking steadily, since noon and just went out, for another 18-pack. He just brought one home, yesterday. Its sure nice to know that I rank lower than beer.

I'm moving back to the couch, tonight and will start checking on apartments. I can't move until Numbnuts coughs up all of my money, though. Not only am I losing Bill and my home - I won't be able to take the dogs. They can't live in an apartment and I couldn't afford the deposits, anyway. I'll try to take the cats, if I can.

I'm sorry, for going on so long but, I need SOMEBODY to talk to. I can't lay this on Mark or my parents.
post #2 of 42
Oh Cindy sweetie! I'm so sorry to hear that things aren't getting better. I thought about asking you a few days ago, but I figured "no news was good news".

I really don't have any advice for you....I wish I did! Just know that if you need to talk about it, we all have open ears and soft shoulders to cry on. If you'd like to vent way from the boards, you can email me anytime.

I really wish you didn't have to go through all of this. But honestly, you moving out just might be a good thing for you. At least you have a job and have means of supporting yourself. Don't let him make you out to be the bad guy! You've tried so hard to work out your relationship problems. It just looks like he's shutting down and doesn't care if he takes you down in the process. Please don't let him! You're a wonderful person who has beat all those battles of your past....You're a tough woman Cindy! You can beat this!

I'm sure you have heard this Country song, but it is fairly new. It has become my new Motto when it comes to my last relationship. I hope it can give you some strength right now! Here are the words:

There's More To Me Than You"

I spent years and all this time
thinking I was better off cuz you were mine
You always said it was your way or the highway
So I'm shiftin my life into drive
I'm getting out kissing the past good-bye
Like Toby said, "How do you like me now?"
This conversation has run dry
And I keep telling myself

There's more to me than you
Don't underestimate what I can do
Well I'm alright, it's okay
I know I'll make it through
Cuz there's more to me than you

I'm not saying I'm battered and bruised
but I might as well be with the words you used
I believe in myself, that makes me stronger
Things changed and so have I
I'm gonna make hay while the sun still shines
You can clip my wings, but I'm still gonna fly
I'm on my own and on my way
And I keep telling myself

There was always something that meant more to you than me
And I'm just sorry it's taking this for you to see
There's more to me than you

Please take care of yourself Cindy! You're definitely in my thoughts and prayers!
post #3 of 42
Cindy, I'm sorry things have gotten this way. I'm in a similar position myself, and it's a real b****! But you're obviously a tough lady, and you can feel free to rant here, if you need to get something off your chest. Just keep putting one foot in front of the other...
post #4 of 42
Gosh. ot sure sounds like when it rains it pours I am so sorry he is treating you this way Maybe some time away will help things......I really don't know what else to say is that I am here if you need me ok? Try not to get too upset....
post #5 of 42
Thread Starter 
I am just SO tired of starting over. At my age, I should be kickin' back and enjoying the fact that the kids are grown and gone. At least, this time, I have a good enough job, to support myself and I don't have to move 400 miles.

Mark and Sam are thinking about moving to Tucson. Maybe, they'll be willing to share a house. It'll save all of us money, for a while. I hate to do that to them, though. Living with in-laws is a pain and they're living with her parents, now.

I am so p----d off, that my ex has put me in this position. Didn't he get enough of hurting me?
post #6 of 42
I'm sure the kids wouldn't mind if you would share a house with them. I'm sure they'll need the help with the two little ones.

As for the ex, he sounds like one sick SOB. It's sad that after all these years he still finds the need to hurt you. I'd give him a big piece of my mind if I were you!
post #7 of 42
Cindy, I'm so sorry that things are hard for you at the moment. Just know that there are a lot of us here who care for you and only wish the best for you, whatever you decide and whatever that may be. Good and loving thoughts coming your way!
post #8 of 42
I had wondered if things had gotten any better for you. I am so sorry this is happening. I guess evil ex husbands never get enough of hurting somebody. It would be great if you could share a house with Mark, Sam, and the new babies for awhile. One baby is hard enough, and she would likely be grateful for the help, and support. I really wish there was something I could say to make you feel better. Just know that we are all pulling for you!
post #9 of 42
Boy, Cindy, I am sorry to read this. I thought that things were going fine after the last go-around. I, too, wish I had some words of wisdom for you, but if I did, I'd apply them to my own life. I hear you loud and clear that by the time you reach this age, you would think things would be settled. You do have shoulders to cry on here and a support system to help you keep looking ahead.
post #10 of 42
Katl8e Hey I only live 1 hour out of Buffalo Want me to go kick some butt? sherral46
just say the word I'm there!
post #11 of 42
I'm really sorry, Cindy. I echo the sentiments of everybody else in the post... I really hope things get better for you.

I'm sure Sam and Mark will share a house with you. You sound like a wonderful mother and mother-in-law.

**hugs** and best wishes.

post #12 of 42
Thread Starter 
Originally posted by sherral46
Katl8e Hey I only live 1 hour out of Buffalo Want me to go kick some butt? sherral46
just say the word I'm there!
Thanks for the offer, Sherral but the butthead and his cyberslut live in Tombstone, about an hour from me.
post #13 of 42
I'm so sorry you are going through all this sh**. If I could fly down I would .Hang in there,you are strong.
post #14 of 42

I hope you find the inner strength to do what needs to be done. I know that sometimes it seems an impossible task, but somehow, women always seem to find the resolve. Best of luck!
post #15 of 42
Thread Starter 
I'm going to miss the dogs but there is no way that I can take them with me. The deposits would be crippling and, without a yard, they wouldn't be happy. At least, Bill will take good care of THEM.

If I have to move into an apartment, the cats will be OK. They are insiders, anyway.

I can't seem to stop crying.
post #16 of 42
Cindy, I am so sorry to hear about this. I'll keep you in my thoughts and prayers.
post #17 of 42
Have you talked to Bill about this? Maybe he has no idea who badly you are hurting. If he doesn't want to talk, then write him a letter. Make sure you talk to him when he is sober...alcohol seems to make the fire burn a little hotter.

I wish you the best Hon. I'm sorry that you are hurting so much. I wish I could do something for you!
post #18 of 42
Thread Starter 
I've tried to talk - he ignores me. Its impossible to talk to someone, who totally freezes you out.

The only things that he is willing to talk about are the pets.

Years ago, I was able to make myself go numb but it doesn't work, anymore.
post #19 of 42
Cindy, you should never have to numb yourself in a caring relationship. I'm so sorry this one is taking this turn. Like everyone has said here, you have lots of friends here, and we will definitely listen and have a shoulder for you whenever you need it. Knowing Mark and Sam's situation, I would bet they would be thrilled to share a house, and you are considerate enough so it isn't like "living with the in-laws."

post #20 of 42

I'm sorry you have to go through this. You don't deserve it, but if anyone can survive it and tough it out.. it's you. You're a great lady, strong, and beautiful.

We all love you, and if you need anything it only takes telling us. Keep your head up. You'll make it through.

We You!
post #21 of 42
Cindy, I'm sorry your relationship with Bill has gotten so difficult. Since he is drinking and refusing to communicate with you, I was wondering if you have considered discussing your situation with either Alnon or an alcohol and chemical dependency counselor??? They may be able to give you some additional support and some sound advice on dealing with your relationship problems. Whenever you need to talk, we are here for you.
post #22 of 42
Cindy, I too am sorry to hear about your situation. I don't have any advice really - just wanted to know you are in my thoughts. It breaks my heart to think you are going to have to leave the dogs behind, but at least you will be leaving them in good hands.
post #23 of 42
Cindy, I'm really sorry you're having so much trouble - it's bound to get anyone down. Writing a letter to Bill might not be a bad idea, particularly if he reads it when he's sober. Probably the stress is getting to him, too, and he freezes you out when you're talking about your ex, even if it's to complain about his rotten behavior. You are in my thoughts, and I really hope you find the solution that's best for you.
post #24 of 42
Thread Starter 
He was freezing me out before the B.S. started, with my ex. He seems to have his priorities (beer) and I've got mine (a peaceful, stable life) and these don't seem to match up.

I've been emotionally fragile, since my ex deserted me and I've found out that I'm not as tough as I used to be or would like to be.
post #25 of 42
I think most of us aren't as tough as we'd like to be.
post #26 of 42
Please contact the district attornies office about your support. Get into counceling it will help make you stronger. You don't need to stay with this sorry ***. You may be able to find some one who is looking for room mate. Check at the feed stores as these folks usually allow room mates to bring their pets. If you don't see an ad put one up for your self! Give your work number so you can leave without a ton of questions. Begin packing your non essentials now. This will give you a feeling of getting SOMETHING done. Please know this isn't your fault! Very best of luck! We love you and are behind you 100%.
post #27 of 42
I wish I knew what to say to make things better for you... I know what you're going through. A colleague of mine is going through the same thing with her ex... I think you probably have more friends than you realise... 4,041 of them are right at your fingertips.

Whatever you decide to do, we will all support you. Chin up, you can do it! (((hugs)))
post #28 of 42
(((((HUGS)))) I cant add any more to whats allready been said but im sending 'get strong,be strong' vibes. You have realy had a rough time of it. we are all here for you. Take care.
post #29 of 42
Thread Starter 
I checked this morning's paper and I can get a duplex or mobile home, within my price range that allows pets. The ones that I marked are closer to work, too.

As for my ex - as long as he's sending me SOMETHING, I can't do anything. If he doesn't pay the full amount, by the end of the month - THEN he's in contempt of court.

I don't think Bill has any idea of how much pain that I'm in. I'm used to men being clueless but, when a woman has been crying, for the better part of two days, even the most obtuse male should get it!
post #30 of 42
oh pumpkin, I'm so sorry. men (oh excuse me MOST men) sre such a$$h**es. It's like they have NO idea that the world doesn't revolve around them. sometimes you need to smack them upside the nose with a rolled up newspaper( not that I'd EVER treat an animal that way, just the occassional man! LOL!) chin up girl. You're definately stronger then you think and Bill is silly to not see the wonderful person you actually are. He'll be sorry when you are gone. like I said, men are stupid. they can't help it, it just comes naturally!
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