I'm sorry... (long)

Hey everyone, belated Merry Christmas, and Happy New year!!! I have been so overly busy. My boss had her baby 6wks early, 11.18.08, she was born at 2lbs. She isnow 4lbs and getting to go home soon. With my boss gone, and the holiday season, we were so busy, and I was working more then 40hrs a week. Finally things have gotten back to normal. Business is back slower so we can get stuff done, and my boss is back.

Then... a note got left on my husband's brother's table, penned by my husband's brother for everyone to read. It had pieces to different family members, then the part about... not to, but about me. It pretty much said that I had to go. It said that I wasn't helping around the house. Sweeping and doing dishes every day that I didn't have to work 11 or more hours didn't count. Cleaning up their dog's crap, or their cat's pee didn't count. So it came down to my hubby's brother's wife leaving, or me. So... I am now going home back to Wyoming and going to be staying with my parents. I think what happened is that my niece and nephew was taking credit for the house work I was doing. I am not about to argue, or try to make them see any different since it would be saying that their kids are lying. I see no point in causing any problems. I will just go and be done with it.

His sister in law has never liked me anyway, from day one. She has always showered my hubby with gifts here and there, and I never got anything. That didn't bother me. On my hubby's birthday they gave him a computer, and took him out for a family dinner, on mine... Not even a 'happy birthday'. We invited everyone out to eat with us, and they all never said a word, so when we were getting ready to leave, they ignored us. So... my hubby and I had a nice dinner together. Christmas was great, besides the speaker falling on my head, and cutting my eyebrow open. Everyone was happy and in a great mood. But everything has been so UP and DOWN with her. One day she is happy and everything is great, the next she won't even look at me. It made no difference what I did.

So I was very hurt and sad. Down on myself for being such a horrible person. My hubby told me it wasn't my fault cuz she is jealous. I am thin, she is not, he says I am pretty, she isn't. He loves me and spoils me, she isn't spoiled. I think it is just that she would rather be the only woman in the house. I would have preferred to have been talked to like an adult, rather then read it in a note addressed to everyone in the house. But hey... I am getting to go home and see my cats again. And NyghtShade will be going with me.

I do appologize, I really am a more hapy person then I seem. It always seems when I make it to this forum things aren't going well for me. I do appologize for that. In general I am a positive person who would rather help others then be helped. I just wanted to stop in and ask for everyone to send some vibes to my Shadey. We are driving from Houma, Louisiana, to Denver, Colorado. Then I will be headed to Sheridan, Wyoming. I am worried about the trip in a car with her. She's a great cat, but that will be a bit stressful for her. I am also concerned for my husband, he is very sad that I am leaving. He thinks it is for the best though. He doesn't like seeing me treated this way. There are so many more instances where she was mean to me, but it isn't worth going over everything. Today is a new day, and I am leaving to go to Florida with my friend, then Saturday I will be back to pick up the rest of my stuff and my Shadey, and we will be headed to Denver.

Everyone be safe and happy. Thank you for listening.

Your husband isn't going with you? (I don't understand the whole situation, but it sounds awful)

Originally Posted by Going Nova

Your husband isn't going with you? (I don't understand the whole situation, but it sounds awful)

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He's got a good job, and he just got a raise, and he doesn't want to leave it. We were trying to get ourselves set up here, but we are having problems finding a place. Jobs are easy to find, but a place to live isn't so easy. where we are from it is very very hard to find ajob that pays like the one has here.

be safe

Ok, from what I gather, you and your husband were staying with your BIL and SIL while he was getting settled in his job? Or were you staying with someone else?

First of all, and this is just my opinion, your husband should have spoken up for you to his brother and his wife. That is just wrong to me. Yes, he is his brother, but you are his WIFE. Unless you were seriously in the wrong (which it definitely doesn't sound like you were) he should have at least said something and stated his opinion. Even if it meant crimping, saving and doing without to get a place of your own, I think that would be a better alternative than moving away from your husband and moving back in with your parents.

I don't get along with one of my SIL's either, but we actually have a non-verbal agreement to not speak to each other unless necessary. Of course, I don't have to live with her. If I did, I would probably either have to shoot her or myself.

If leaving is your own choice I wish you all the luck. It definitely sounds like a tough situation.

Originally Posted by Going Nova

Your husband isn't going with you? (I don't understand the whole situation, but it sounds awful)

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IMO .Your husband is supposed to be your support person. he should stand up for you. If it was me. Dh and I would live in ratty apartment, then to be apart. for you and Shadey

I live right outside of Denver, if you need anything - we've got an extra couch and litter box!

Originally Posted by calico2222

Ok, from what I gather, you and your husband were staying with your BIL and SIL while he was getting settled in his job? Or were you staying with someone else?

First of all, and this is just my opinion, your husband should have spoken up for you to his brother and his wife. That is just wrong to me. Yes, he is his brother, but you are his WIFE. Unless you were seriously in the wrong (which it definitely doesn't sound like you were) he should have at least said something and stated his opinion. Even if it meant crimping, saving and doing without to get a place of your own, I think that would be a better alternative than moving away from your husband and moving back in with your parents.

I don't get along with one of my SIL's either, but we actually have a non-verbal agreement to not speak to each other unless necessary. Of course, I don't have to live with her. If I did, I would probably either have to shoot her or myself.

If leaving is your own choice I wish you all the luck. It definitely sounds like a tough situation.

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That's what I was thinking... where is your hub in all of this? Why should YOU leave??? If someone in my family was rude to my boyfriend, they would get an earful!!!! And we're not married! I would tell them to get a life. Being under that roof with them.... not good. Yeah, I would have gotten a shack and moved out..both of you. I know Houma was hard hit by Katrina way back... and I understand housing is hard to find, but still....

Seems that he let his bro and sil get in the middle of his marriage and that is not right....

Also. .... what about your other cats? Who is going to look after them???

Originally Posted by MyRage

He's got a good job, and he just got a raise, and he doesn't want to leave it. We were trying to get ourselves set up here, but we are having problems finding a place. Jobs are easy to find, but a place to live isn't so easy. where we are from it is very very hard to find ajob that pays like the one has here.

be safe

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Oh, I see. That woman sounds like an insecure, controlling witch. Writing a note about you is a nasty and immature thing to do. I think, if I were in that situation, my main priority would be that my husband and I stick together. However, I'm not in your situation, so maybe for you both it is more important that he keep his high-paying job. That doesn't really make it any more pleasant, though.

Maybe, it would help if you and your husband set a timeline to be together, and a course of action if your preferred plan doesn't work out. Your wants and needs are important too.

My Husband turned down a job that is secure, high paying, it involves a lot of moving around and being away from each other!

I think you should all sit together and have a discussion about it because it is not fair!

I know what your situation is like, we are living with the inlaws with one BIL he is only 15 though, with another cat and two dogs, most of the time three as the other BIL brings his puppy over for us to baby sit on weekends. When the dog is here we all go nuts it pees and poos everywhere as its only a puppy and it is not trained yet!

I wish you the best of luck!

Wow. I am in Pensacola Florida right now. I really needed to get away from the situation to get a piece of mind... or maybe peace in mind.

Well we've been married 9 years, we are working on our 10th year now. We've been together almost 11 years, so our relationship is very strong. We've been apart before like this.

While I was really angry about the whole situation, I wanted to sit down and write a note back. My Brotherinlaw actually wrote the note to apease his wife. She is bipolar and very very heavy, and very unhappy. He wanted us all to sit down and have an adult conversation. When we got home we waited around for a while, and their 15yr old son was hanging around in the kitchen (he was very disrespectful to me). They never asked him to leave, and it was getting late, so we decided to say screw them and we went to bed. I wasn't about to conversate with him there.

My hubby and I both agreed that going home would be best. I wanted to go home anyway. I love my husband with all my heart, but I am a very family oriented person, and being away from family is very very hard for me. These were the first holidays I spent away from my little brother in the last 26 years, and it was hard on both of us. He's got his little girl who just turned a year old. My 85 year old grandfather isn't getting younger, my dad had a biopsy done cuz they thought he had cancer... I just want to be with them.

I will get back to Louisiana eventually, but my heart wants to be in Fort Collins, Colorado. It was my decision to leave.

He did tell them what we thought. He told them that I had been cleaning, and they really didn't act like they believed him. He is so fed up with his SIL that he is thinking of getting a motel room. They are very stubborn, once they get an idea in their heads, they won't let it go. They've got this idea of who they think I am, and they won't change their minds. They are pretty uppity, and feel as though they are better then most. I am very happy to be away from it all.

My other two cats are in Wyoming with my brother and his fiance. They are wanting to get married in August, and I am making her dress. Her family have turned their backs on her because they don't agree with the religion she feels most comfortable with, so they feel if the whole family is against her, she will go back to their religion. I was planning on going back in April so I could help with the wedding, spend time with my family, and find myself again. The note just pushed my plans to NOW rather then allowing myself time to plan everything.

It also worked out that I have a friend who lives in Denver that was going to Florida to visit her boyfriend. She needed some funds to help her get home, I needed a ride there, so we are going together. I believe it is all happening this way for a reason. I wish the hard feelings and anger, and negativity could have been left out. I am what some people have called an empath. I seem to pick up on other's feelings and when I am surrounded by negativity it makes me feel negative, and I hate that. There is a lot of negativity in that house, and a lot of the people I met seem to have a chip on their shoulder. That was very hard for me to deal with. That is why I like Fort Collins. We talked about it and that is where we want to be, so we will both be working towards that goal, even if we are miles apart. We have cell phones with free mobil to mobil. We have computers and we can team on WoW together with voice chat. I will miss being near him, but we will definately be happy to see each other once we are together again.

Right now Shadey is in Louisiana with him. I left her there while we went to Florida, I didn't want to stress her more then she already will be. She is cuddling with him, and clingy because I am not around. She doesn't like her humans being seperated, and she hates being seperated from either one of us, so I am more worried for her then myself. I know I will be fine, and so will she, but I just don't know how much she understands when I explain her parents will be apart from each other. She may be a cat, but she is our baby, I bottle fed her from 3wks until she was weaned. Her foster mama, MY baby MyRage wasn't producing enough milk to feed the three of them, so I suplimented with bottle feedings to make sure they were well fed.

Sorry, long again. I guess I had more to say then I expected. Sometimes it is nice to just let life pull you around a little without a set plan. I know I will be picking up my cat and computer (on my laptop now). I know I will make it to Denver. I don't know HOW I am getting back to Sheridan, but I know I WILL make it there too. So, I am not too worried, I just hope it all goes well for my baby cat (she'll be 5 this year).

Thank you all for your helpful and insightful comments. I agree with all of you. I would rather be with my husband, but neither one of us wanted to cause any more waves, just cuz it isn't worth it. It would fuel her fire more. That is what she was after, was more drama, and this way... We put her fire out, we killed the drama. That to me is better then anything. I've got my sanity. She's got her world, she's got to live in it, and karma will bite her in her butt. I will just move forward, and not let the bad situation I left behind put a dent in my happiness anymore.

Be safe everyone. Think of my Ladi NyghtShade please, she needs it.

Sounds like you have a very clear-eyed, level-headed view of things. I wish you, your husband and your furbabies the very best.