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Reconnecting With Adult Son

post #1 of 3
Thread Starter 
I don't know if anyone else has been through this but I gave up custody of my son to my ex when he was six and lost all contact with him. It's not something I am proud of and it's a long ugly story. He, his wife, and two kids showed up at my door last week. He is 27 now and turned out amazing despite the childhood he had. He owns his own auto repair business, his father who has passed away was also a decent mechanic. He never owned his own business though. Of course I owed him an explanation of my side of what happened and I sent that e-mail last night which was one of the hardest things I have ever done. He already replied to it and wants some kind of relationship. I know it can't ever be a parent child relationship and he knows that. He only lives 3 hours away.
post #2 of 3
Wow, 21 years is a long time. I wish you the best of luck and end up with a loving relationship. I met my birthmother a few years back, unfortunatly we are not able to have a relationship, long story also. If you vere need to talk or just vent PM me, I know what its like to meet someone you are related to and the emotions that can come up. Best advice for now is take it slow, since he serched you out go at his pace but don't be afraid to tell him you need time to process everything, he will understand. He is still young and it is possable to have a parent child relationship someday it may just take time. Now you can get to know your grandbabies and be a grandma to them. From what you have said he obviously loves you and wants to get to know you.

Good luck and I will keep you in my prayers.
post #3 of 3
I was given up for adoption at birth (closed adoption) and am thinking about going though the process of at least getting some kind of medical history about my birth parents. Of course, it costs money, but there is also the option to ask if the birth mother (or surviving family) would be interested in contacting me. I'm half afraid to do this because of the reaction I may get from her or her family. It took a LOT of guts for your son to find and contact you after that much time.

The question is....how do YOU feel about this?

No, it will probably never be a mother/child relationship, although if you signed over custody of him at age 6 he probably does have memories of you that he cherished. But, you weren't there through everything so you can't step into the "mother" role, and I don't think he expects you to.

I obviously can't speak for your son, but I feel there were definite reasons why I was put up for adoption. Do I resent my birth mother for it? Not at all. I figured she did what was best for me, regardless of what the situation was (poor, too young, not mature enough, etc). And, honestly I would like to thank her for her decision that allowed me to be adopted into the greatest family any child could want. I would like to get to know her, and any relatives I may have, but I wouldn't expect anything more from her than a good friend. She could never step into the role of "mom"...that was filled 39 years ago.

I kinda rambled, sorry. I guess what I'm trying to say is, take it slow and don't have high expectations (or pressures on yourself). Just get to know him and his family and don't freak out. Most likely the same things are going through his head.
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