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The Joys and Tears of Fostering

post #1 of 21
Thread Starter 
There are so many happy and sad things to fostering, but the most emotional part has got to be when they find their forever home!

Specifically, I only have one foster right now, Rukia. Her brother and sister got fixed a few weeks ago and adopted the weekend before Christmas. Rukia was held back because she was too small and had some kind of infection, not bad, but enough. So, I nursed her to health and a good weight. For the last week, she's been our only foster.

Let me tell you, I, at least, get WAY more attached- I mean, dangerously attached- when I have just one foster. So naturally, with her being tiny and slightly sick and my only one, I got attached, anyway.

Then I made the mistake of promising her, when she went to her spay today, now that she is big enough and healthy enough, that she will be sore, but we will be there for her and she'll come right home and we'll spoil her right back to health, and then she'd find her forever home.

WELL, ends up, I lied! She's not coming home at all!! I was just told this. She's going to the foster lady's house, because someone wants to look at and likely adopt her.

Every foster suddenly leaves me, it's the only way I can give them up! So it's not the suddenness, it's that I'm breaking my promise to her!

This has never happened! All the fosters always come back home to recover before they get adopted out... Guess I've learned my lesson- you never know what will happen when fostering! Don't make promises you can't keep...

Now, don't get me wrong, I'm totally thrilled that she will likely be adopted in 48 hours and at her forever home!! I'm just also sad, I'm actually crying! I'm an emotional mess.

Still, can we get some good vibes that these people like Rukia and that she has indeed found her furr-ever home?
post #2 of 21
I hope she has a good home.
The 2 sphynx might still need fostering.
I wanted to do it but my husband said no.
I ended up keeping a few of the ferals we caught.
Its very hard to give them up.
Even the fosters we took to your place we had trouble with.
I wanted to keep them so bad.
post #3 of 21
Ah, I know how attached I get ... and I am only a once or twice a week caretaker! My boyfriend has said to me that he could NEVER foster because after a day or two, that cat wouldn't BE a foster anymore!!
post #4 of 21
Congrats on being able to foster at all!! It is wonderful what you do for these kitties...

I only fostered once. That was about 2 years ago, was supposed to be for 2 weeks and Pepper is staying fur-ever! I didn't even make it the 2 weeks before I went and signed the papers.
post #5 of 21
I am missing Jackie, one of the cats at the shelter that I worked a lot with. She was terrified of the lobby, so she was moved to a back room and allowed free run of the area. She never came out in the lobby, but when she heard my voice, she'd come out to the door of the lobby and talk to me all the time, telling me she wanted to be petted, held, etc.

She was a very soft dilute tortie with funny crossed golden eyes, and I loved her.

She got adopted by someone else who fell in love with her, and I guess the best of the bad news is missing a cat who got adopted.
post #6 of 21
I have to commend anyone who fosters, or works in shelters and say thank you. It is not something I could do, I would keep all of them I would be a nervouse wreck and when things went wrong it would break my heart. I get too emotionally involved and angry at some of the terrible things people do to these beautiful animals, any animal. So to all of you who are involved
post #7 of 21
i am lucky that I dont get too attached to fosters, there are some that get a bit deeper than others, but knowing they are going to a fab home and that it allows you to help the next needy cats works well for me.

You didn't break your promise to her though, as thanks to you she has got a chance of a forever home, and it is better for her than moving around more. It is hard when things happen so unexpectedly though.
post #8 of 21
My first and only foster cat (so far) went to her forever home three days ago. I still feel sad when I think of her and keep wondering if maybe I should've just adopted her. It was made worse because I was the one who rescued her off the streets; she ran to me when she saw me on the sidewalk, mewed, purred, and then immediately got on her back to be pet.

I almost cried when the lady who adopted her came over to meet her and said, "My philosophy is that pets choose their owners and they show it in some way." In my mind, I kept thinking that maybe she had already chosen me. She acted aloof to the lady, completely opposite of when she saw me outside, and I had to trick and force her into the carrier.
She mewed to me a few times on her way out while looking at me. I don't even want to think about it anymore.

It indeed can be emotionally draining and I'm not sure when I'm going to foster next. I tend to get attached way too easily.
post #9 of 21
Quote:
Originally Posted by BelongsToEvie View Post
Then I made the mistake of promising her, when she went to her spay today, now that she is big enough and healthy enough, that she will be sore, but we will be there for her and she'll come right home and we'll spoil her right back to health, and then she'd find her forever home.
Don't worry you didn't break your promise. OK so maybe YOU won't be there for her, but now she'll get to go home and be spoiled back to health. And you "brought" her there by fostering her until that home was found. See?

That they do decide to bring her home!
post #10 of 21
Bleach babies, haha thats cute as hell =p
post #11 of 21
Hugs to you, BelongsToEvie. The pain of not getting Rukia's expected return must have been awfully rough. I think I felt the same way, kinda lost and oh-so-very upset when the shelter I work with kept my feral fosters after I brought them in for what was supposed to be no more than a deworming session. (Thankfully, I finally got them back.)

Just know that you gave her a wonderful start - you instilled in her a trust in people that will enrich her whole life.

post #12 of 21
Aww... so was she adopted? I've got two foster kittens right now. They're #2 and #3. My first one was adopted a couple of days ago. I couldn't even look when her new owner walked out with her in her little carrier (and I know he'll take great care of her!). It broke my heart even more because Nova was looking for her in the bathroom.

I talked to her too, and told her that she was going to a new home. But it made me sad all the same.
post #13 of 21
It's the mothering instinct, and it's what will make you a fabulous mother when the time comes

It's definitely soooo much harder with just the one. There was no way we could give up Smudge when we had her because she was sickly, on her own, and integrated well with our kitties) and was completely and utterly adorable. The multiples who are healthy, happy and super cute - I adore them, but can give them back much easier.

I'm glad Aizen and Karin went to good homes!
post #14 of 21
Thread Starter 
Thank you all so much! <-- Tears of a healed heart.

What would I do without you all? I'm sure I would just break down! You are life savers.

I haven't heard from the foster lady, so I have no idea yet if Rukia has found her forever home. I promise I will let you know as soon as I know!



Quote:
Originally Posted by mews2much View Post
I hope she has a good home.
The 2 sphynx might still need fostering.
I wanted to do it but my husband said no.
I ended up keeping a few of the ferals we caught.
Its very hard to give them up.
Even the fosters we took to your place we had trouble with.
I wanted to keep them so bad.
Oh, I know! They were really sweet! Wish you could have kept one of them, wish I could have, too! But they all have good homes now, and they, we, and their new families very much appreciate your help.

As for the two Sphynx, next time I talk to her, I will ask if we can take them on! I'd have to go through her, or else I would never get them adopted!




Quote:
Originally Posted by AddieBee View Post
Ah, I know how attached I get ... and I am only a once or twice a week caretaker! My boyfriend has said to me that he could NEVER foster because after a day or two, that cat wouldn't BE a foster anymore!!
I do understand where your boyfriend is coming from, and you! I've fostered 15 since June, and I wanted to keep all of them, and come very close to adopting 9 of them!




Quote:
Originally Posted by Calico76 View Post
Congrats on being able to foster at all!! It is wonderful what you do for these kitties...

I only fostered once. That was about 2 years ago, was supposed to be for 2 weeks and Pepper is staying fur-ever! I didn't even make it the 2 weeks before I went and signed the papers.
Aw, thank you! I know Pepper is more than glad you only did a short term forster!



Quote:
Originally Posted by mrblanche View Post
I am missing Jackie, one of the cats at the shelter that I worked a lot with. She was terrified of the lobby, so she was moved to a back room and allowed free run of the area. She never came out in the lobby, but when she heard my voice, she'd come out to the door of the lobby and talk to me all the time, telling me she wanted to be petted, held, etc.

She was a very soft dilute tortie with funny crossed golden eyes, and I loved her.

She got adopted by someone else who fell in love with her, and I guess the best of the bad news is missing a cat who got adopted.

Aw... to you for Jackie! It's amazing how they steal our hearts, isn't it? And I agree, it is the best type of bad news when you miss them because they have a very happy home!


Quote:
Originally Posted by twokatz View Post
I have to commend anyone who fosters, or works in shelters and say thank you. It is not something I could do, I would keep all of them I would be a nervouse wreck and when things went wrong it would break my heart. I get too emotionally involved and angry at some of the terrible things people do to these beautiful animals, any animal. So to all of you who are involved
I know! Oh, some stories just break my heart. It's part of why I am doing this- there is some good in the world for these wonderful babies! Thank you so much.


Quote:
Originally Posted by booktigger View Post
i am lucky that I dont get too attached to fosters, there are some that get a bit deeper than others, but knowing they are going to a fab home and that it allows you to help the next needy cats works well for me.

You didn't break your promise to her though, as thanks to you she has got a chance of a forever home, and it is better for her than moving around more. It is hard when things happen so unexpectedly though.
Aw, thank you! It really helps me to hear that. I feel so bad for breaking the promise, it really helps to think that I didn't, after all. She is still going to find her forever home! And I tell myself the same thing, that now I have room for the next precious ones that come my way.


Quote:
Originally Posted by KatGoddess View Post
My first and only foster cat (so far) went to her forever home three days ago. I still feel sad when I think of her and keep wondering if maybe I should've just adopted her. It was made worse because I was the one who rescued her off the streets; she ran to me when she saw me on the sidewalk, mewed, purred, and then immediately got on her back to be pet.

I almost cried when the lady who adopted her came over to meet her and said, "My philosophy is that pets choose their owners and they show it in some way." In my mind, I kept thinking that maybe she had already chosen me. She acted aloof to the lady, completely opposite of when she saw me outside, and I had to trick and force her into the carrier.
She mewed to me a few times on her way out while looking at me. I don't even want to think about it anymore.

It indeed can be emotionally draining and I'm not sure when I'm going to foster next. I tend to get attached way too easily.
Oh, that is so sad! to you! It is so hard, isn't it? That was such a short time ago, I'm sure your heart is still broken! I hope you do manage to foster again, even though it is heartbreaking, I find it to be truly worth it! Major to you!
post #15 of 21
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CruiserMaiden View Post
Don't worry you didn't break your promise. OK so maybe YOU won't be there for her, but now she'll get to go home and be spoiled back to health. And you "brought" her there by fostering her until that home was found. See?

That they do decide to bring her home!
Thank you for the good vibes! And thank you so much for letting me know I'm not breaking my promise. You are right, I promised she'd go home, and hopefully she really trully has!


Quote:
Originally Posted by InterHmai View Post
Bleach babies, haha thats cute as hell =p
Ha hah, if that isn't sarcastic, then thanks!


Quote:
Originally Posted by Auntie Crazy View Post
Hugs to you, BelongsToEvie. The pain of not getting Rukia's expected return must have been awfully rough. I think I felt the same way, kinda lost and oh-so-very upset when the shelter I work with kept my feral fosters after I brought them in for what was supposed to be no more than a deworming session. (Thankfully, I finally got them back.)

Just know that you gave her a wonderful start - you instilled in her a trust in people that will enrich her whole life.

Aw, thank you so much! For the hugs and the kind words. I really did my best to give her a great start to her life, she even got to spend Christmas with us! For which I'm very thankful. And she spent a day at the office with me, and did very well! She will be a good little girl when she gets to her new home! Thank you.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Going Nova View Post
Aww... so was she adopted? I've got two foster kittens right now. They're #2 and #3. My first one was adopted a couple of days ago. I couldn't even look when her new owner walked out with her in her little carrier (and I know he'll take great care of her!). It broke my heart even more because Nova was looking for her in the bathroom.

I talked to her too, and told her that she was going to a new home. But it made me sad all the same.
I wish I knew if she was! I called for an update the day of her spay, and the foster lady told me that Rukia was miserable. Of course I offered to take her back. :P But the lady still wanted to come see her the next day, so Rukia stayed with the foster lady. After hearing she was miserable Tuesday night, I decided I better not call again for a while out of fear that I would demand she come home! So I have not heard. I plan on calling tomorrow if I don't hear from her, that should be enough time. Oh, but it has been SO HARD not calling to hear how she is doing! My poor little baby...

to you for your first foster! It's great you are doing this, too! And hugs to Nova, how sweet that she was looking for her! I swear Evie throws a party every time she realizes she is the only cat of the house again.


Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahp View Post
It's the mothering instinct, and it's what will make you a fabulous mother when the time comes

It's definitely soooo much harder with just the one. There was no way we could give up Smudge when we had her because she was sickly, on her own, and integrated well with our kitties) and was completely and utterly adorable. The multiples who are healthy, happy and super cute - I adore them, but can give them back much easier.

I'm glad Aizen and Karin went to good homes!
Aw, thank you Sarah! And, oh yes, there was no way you could give up Smudgie! And we all are the luckier, too! We get to watch her grow. And yeah, it is much easier to give them up when there are a lot. Of the 9 I've wanted to really keep, 3 (Cronos, Sam, Rukia) have been singles, and 3 (Davy Jones, Jack, Calypso) were bottle babies! The other 3 (Lovelock, Sparks, Aizen) were just cute and major love bugs!
post #16 of 21
I wonder if she still has them?
I still have the email she sent me.
Maybe you can give the lady you use her name and rescue,
One is named Sugar.
Of all the ferals we caught I kept Patches,Stripe and Smokey.
My sister kept Simba.
My brother kept Whitie and Pookie.
It was hard giving the rest up.
I hope the kittens are loving thier new homes.
post #17 of 21
I just brought home my first foster kitties. One brother & two sisters, I believe (not sure yet, as they won't let me hold them long enough to find out). I rescued them from underneath my neighbor's porch. They're about 1.5 months old. They've lived outside their entire lives. It's been below freezing most of that time. I wanted to bring them in sooner, but I had no resources and another cat's health to worry about. They're actually the younger siblings of my cat. The owners of the mother didn't really care about the kittens, which is a shame. Luckily, I came in contact with a local rescue by chance and found out they'd pay vet & food bills if I could foster the kittens. Luckily, I can do just that now that I don't have to pay for everything.
They're in the bathroom now, as I have to keep them away from my cat until they go to the vet.
I'm already seeing their different personalities coming through. I've named the boy Simba, as he looks and acts like a little lion cub. The others don't have names yet because I tend to take forever to find the perfect name. I've only had them for about 5 hours now, but I'm in love! I know I can't keep another cat, but I desperately want to. My cat's brother died a few months ago from FIP. She'd sure like a new playmate or two, but I just cannot afford it. I know it'll be terribly difficult to give these babies up, but it's what I have to do to give them the best life possible. At least I can rest knowing they've yet to go to the vet, meaning I will have them for at least a little while.
How long do you guys usually have your foster kitties? I realize kittens will probably go pretty quickly.
post #18 of 21
Thread Starter 
Well folks, I'd say Rukia is obviously adopted!

The foster lady has not called me back AT ALL... Kind of frustrating, but she is really good when it's something important... I guess keeping me updated isn't all that important!

So thank you all for your good vibes! They worked, as usual! Yay TCS vibes!!

Mews2much, since I haven't heard from her, I haven't received an answer yet... If they still need a foster home, let me know! I can push her harder.

MissKitties, yay for fostering! You are their hero. I know, it is SO HARD to give them up, I fall in love really quickly, too!

To answer your question, the longest I've had fosters is 2 months, the oldest I've had was 6 months. One of the kitties, Sam, I only had for about a month, and he was five months. He went to the foster lady, and it took... A month or two to get adopted. But he has a great home now!
post #19 of 21
I never gave her your email.
I had told her I would ask you.
It has been a long time though.
post #20 of 21
Aww, I hope the home did work out for her. Does that leave you with no fosters at all?

I had hoped for a quieter year this year, but had to take 2 in this week, which has taken me up to my highest number yet!! We dont officially open till tomorrow, so hope this isn't the way the whole year is going to be. My longest foster has been 14 months, although I think the average is 2-3 months.
post #21 of 21
I haven't put my foster babies up on Petfinder yet. They're getting over some eye infections and warming up to people still, so I figured they weren't quite ready to be adopted. I'll have to put them up within the next few days. As much as I want them to get loving homes, I don't want them to go! I want their forever home to be here with me!
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