My gf won't move in, cause I don't like her cats :-(

vmax71

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Hello.

I am on this forum/site for some serious help with some issues that I have about cats.

I have been dating this absolutely wonderful girl for the past 2 years, and I want her to move into my home..... but, I just can't stand her 2 cats! Sure they are great, cute and stuff, but ... every time I leave her apartement, I feel itchy and scratchy.... I feel that my clothes are covered in cat hair (and she cleans her place all the time, but face it, cat hair is always there...everywhere). I leave my leather breifcase on the floor, the cats try to open it, they use my coat to go throw the sleeves.... and they kidnapped my scarf.

The cats, well... they are independent, sometimes they like me, sometimes they don't, ... I am pretty much convinced they hate me, because my gf stays at my place (maybe 2-3days a week) and when ever I am at my gf's apt, the cats get less attention from her.

When I stay at my gf's place, the cats get jealous, and start meowing in the middle of the night, and start scratching at her door and want to come into the bedroom, my gf is constantly having to get up in the middle of the night to feed them or calm them down...etc... it seems to be a burdon, so I don't even want to go to my gf's place anymore to spend the night.

The cats have pretty much "carte blanche" in her apt, they go anywhere; on the counters, tables, chairs, knock over plants, they poop in the litter box, it stinks up the place no matter how clean the litter box is, the wet food she feeds the cats makes me want to gag (she spends $5 for a small can of cat food, and buys $1 can tuna for herself... the cats eat better than her)...its a real zoo in there.

I have a dog, and my gf loves my dog. In fact, she even takes my dog for long walks, brings it to her place cause she likes his company, plays tricks, the dog gets along with the cats. My dog is very well trained, it does not eat furniture, will not go into my bedroom or jump into my bed unless I tell him to...he doesn't poop or pee all over the place...etc... I can leave my home in peace, and know when I get back, my shoes, furniture, artwork, paintings, crystal collection are all safe and same as when i left.

I am scared that with her cats moving to my place,.... its going to be a total disaster...and well... its going to be a problem in my relationship. My gf already senses this... and well... she doesn't want to move in with me anymore because she knows I have an issue with her cats.

so how do i get over this? How can I start to like these cats? How can I deal with this? Has anyone else ever been in such a situation?
 

white cat lover

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Cats are cats - you can't change them. You live with them & do their bidding.

You have to start making progress on liking them - feed them, give them treats, scoop the boxes. Yes - it's kinda yucky, but she's spending time with your "child" the dog, you have to spend time with her "kids" the cats.
 

abbycats

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Honestly, If my husband/Bf at the time would have rejected my cats we wouldn't have got to the point of moving in and marriage. The cats go where I go!!


I didn't want any hassles about my cats from a boyfriend. That wasn't happening... You have a very smart level headed girlfriend!!!!
 

strange_wings

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Realize that they're cats, they do not have pack mentality that requires them to please you like a dog does. You're very lucky to have a dog that doesn't tear up your place when you're gone - I've had dogs that did, but have never had a cat do so.

Trying different litter, scooping more, maybe trying different cat food can change how much the litter box will smell. And as sad as this sounds, your girlfriend is used to that smell that even a very clean litter box will cause a house to have - you're not, but if you live will cats you will get used to it. I can walk into a home of someone that has dogs and always smell dog, though I tend not to notice cats in other people's homes.
People also have a smell, add to that whatever scented stuff a person may use and it's 10 times worse than a maintained litter box. (think musty old person perfume smell
)

Cats have fur. Your dog sheds and so do you. You use a lint roller or you realize it's not a big issue in life - maybe even give up wearing so many dark colors. Heck, I'll purposely buy clothes that don't show fur - grey is perfect.

As for artwork and breakables. Well.. it's a bit like having children... that can leap 4-5 ft.
Comprise must be made and cabinets with doors on them help.

If she's worth it you will come to terms with this and adjust. She and the cats have adjusted to you and your dog (which is great! my cats hate dogs). If you push her on the issue you'll hurt her, cause resentment, or she'll choose her pets over you - after all, the relationship with you may end up not working out but her cats aren't going to leave her.


As for the cats whining at night. There are threads about this in the Behavior section. They've trained her and to correct this she needs them on a schedule and to ignore their whining. It can be done and the cats can be adapted to sleep more at night.
 

breal76

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Would you give up your dog for her?

You just have to learn to tolerate them. If you think they are stinky then help with the litter box.They have sented cat litter, plus air filters on cat boxes with covers. Keep an airfreshner by it too. It's no worse than dog pooh. ( I have both and I would take a litter box anyday over my dog poop.)

Cat hair: Get a roller for your clothes I do.

Cat hair: Get a brush and brush them.

They have pet wipes that have a nice sent to them.

The cats don't hate you. They don't understand why you are moving into their territory. It's the same thing when one brings a new cat home. Cat's at home are angry..but then there is a bonding moment.

My cats get into EVERYTHING. It's just something I have learned to deal with. The joy they bring me outweighs everything else.

My bestfriend gave up her cats for her husband, and she hated herself for it. In the end the marriage did fail. And she to this day cries in shame. Now she has four cats! lol


When I first started working at a shelter I could smell cat urine all the time. Very stinky, but it was a smell I did get used to. Then I transfered shelters and it didn't stink unless a cat pooped.

Really though, when you go poop does yours smell good?

I would question the diet of the cat and maybe do some research to find something that doesn't stink as bad.

Good luck to you, but don't ask her to give up her cats. She will regret you for it.
 

babywukong

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You mentioned that her cats seem to like you one day and not the next. This could be because they sense your resentment and dislike towards them.

From your post, you also sound like a very clean, neat person who likes everything to be orderly. You also did a great job training your dog so that he does not mess up the place. I think cat hair makes you itch either because you have allergies or because you maintain such a level of cleanliness in your house that any "contaminant" causes you a lot of distress.

Yes, cats have hair and they will shed. All over the place. I think its come to a point where you have to decide if this girl is worthwhile for you to make a major change to your life, something like what strange_wings mentioned.

If you decide that you are going to try getting along with the cats, and eventually coming to appreciate them and like them, then starting to take care of them like what white cat lover suggested. Taking care of animals or people create can potentially create a very strong bond between caregiver and receiver(s).

Its entirely up to you, but being a cat-lover, I hope things work out for you and your girl and through the process, you learn to love cats too
 
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vmax71

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Originally Posted by white cat lover

Cats are cats - you can't change them. You live with them & do their bidding.

You have to start making progress on liking them - feed them, give them treats, scoop the boxes. Yes - it's kinda yucky, but she's spending time with your "child" the dog, you have to spend time with her "kids" the cats.
yes... I don't mind spending time with the cats...I feed them, give them treats ... (ok I don't scoop the litter, cause I just can't handle that) ...the cats do like me, but they don't trust me. ... she spends time with my dog, that is easy, everyone loves my dog, the kids next door always ring at my door and want him to go play with them.

I am a bit of a "neat" freak. I just can't take all the cat hair and hair balls....and I think that if I leave the cats in my home all day, I will go crazy thinking that the cats are climbing up my curtains, and going on my counter tops, tables, knocking over vases....etc.

I bought my gf the top of the line Dyson vacumes, she uses it all the time, but there is always hair everywhere. She is still a student, rents a small apt, she is struggling every month with rent, and expenses (but will not admit it).

I can ease her life a lot by her moving into my place, she can walk to school, and i can help her with her expenses. I live/own a very moldern downtown apt, and again, I have very expensive things in my place... with cats running around all day, I can no longer arm my alarm sensors cause I am sure they will set the alarm off. I guess I sound selfish?? I wonder if its possible to leave the cats in a big cage during the day? But I am affraid to ask my gf that cause she likes her cats to run around free.

I am getting stressed just thinking about all this.
 

white cat lover

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Caging the cats is not acceptible. It's not fair - they won't thrive that way. You need to either learn to deal with cats as they are - or find someone else to date. That sounds harsh - but if you can't accept the cats for being cats, there is no way the relationship can work (and if she really loves the cats as much as you say - she won't "dump them" for you).
 

dragoriana

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See, this is where you can see what separates the dog people from the cat people.

Use a lint roller for the cat fur. Don't leave your valuables lying on the floor.

If you can't stand scooping out the litter tray, am i right in assuming you don't pick up after your dog when you take it for walks? Because most responsible owners do that..

I cannot imagine a dog that could physically climb a curtain or jump onto a counter without sliding off. This is what cats do. Not all cats, but cats none the less.

I know there are people on here who have allergies, but adore cats, so if they can deal with allergies, perhaps you can learn to live with these cats.

You have to remember you and your gf are two different people, with different approaches to pet care taking with two completely different species in your house. The way you keep saying how your dog is loved by everyone and doesn't misbehave makes it sound like you think dogs are superior and cats are inferior. That is not the case.

My fiances pup is cute but smelly, and she likes to jump up on the bed or couch and nuzzle into you wether she's been washed or just rolled about in the mud. But i've learned to live with that after 3 years.

You're pretty much going to end up choosing between your neat freak ways, or your gf. You cannot make someone throw their pets away to give a relationship a chance.
 

clixpix

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Originally Posted by Vmax71

yes... I don't mind spending time with the cats...I feed them, give them treats ... (ok I don't scoop the litter, cause I just can't handle that) ...the cats do like me, but they don't trust me. ... she spends time with my dog, that is easy, everyone loves my dog, the kids next door always ring at my door and want him to go play with them.

I am a bit of a "neat" freak. I just can't take all the cat hair and hair balls....and I think that if I leave the cats in my home all day, I will go crazy thinking that the cats are climbing up my curtains, and going on my counter tops, tables, knocking over vases....etc.

I bought my gf the top of the line Dyson vacumes, she uses it all the time, but there is always hair everywhere. She is still a student, rents a small apt, she is struggling every month with rent, and expenses (but will not admit it).

I can ease her life a lot by her moving into my place, she can walk to school, and i can help her with her expenses. I live/own a very moldern downtown apt, and again, I have very expensive things in my place... with cats running around all day, I can no longer arm my alarm sensors cause I am sure they will set the alarm off. I guess I sound selfish?? I wonder if its possible to leave the cats in a big cage during the day? But I am affraid to ask my gf that cause she likes her cats to run around free.

I am getting stressed just thinking about all this.
I'm going to say it right off the bat...no cat lover would ever leave their cats in a cage for any reason. I wouldn't even broach the subject with your gf.


It sounds like most of the problem you have with cats is your perception of them creating messes, their poo and pee, where they walk. Unfortunately that's part and parcel with cats, and I wish I could tell you that's different.
If you really love this girl, and it truly sounds as if you do, then you need to work on that issue within yourself. Those that own cats have to accept a certain level of untidiness. That's what has to change for this to work. You have to be able to accept that. The only one with the issue is you, and you're the one who will have to change I'm afraid.
 

strange_wings

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I've thought of another rather humorous bit that maybe hasn't been thought through by Vmax71. Forget the cats for a moment. Have you thought about all the other compromises you'll have to make?


And, being married myself, I can honestly say my cats are cleaner than my husband! Sad, I know, but they don't think it's funny to fart with the car windows rolled up or leave used glasses on the tables.
 

dragoriana

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Originally Posted by strange_wings

Sad, I know, but they don't think it's funny to fart with the car windows rolled up
Or when he's sitting in his favourite leather office chair merely because it sounds funny...
 

fwan

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you must have a wonder dog, because all the dogs here smell and pee and poo inside the house, they simply have no respect!

Unfortunately I don't think you and your gf should move in together because its going to end in bad terms.(i am only saying this from previous experience with men)
 

strange_wings

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Originally Posted by Dragoriana

Or when he's sitting in his favourite leather office chair merely because it sounds funny...
Or tries to blame it on the cats... when they're three rooms away.

Note to the men reading: No, we really do not find this as amusing as you do.
 
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vmax71

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thanks for all the input...and the quick replys are amazing.

It is a serious issue i know. I have been a dog person all my life, most of my friends have dogs too.

(p.s. for the person that thinks I don't pick up my dogs poop... you are wrong, I do pick it up, my dog's poop barely smells and is very small, again depends on diet and the proper food... my friend once fed my dog a lot of strong cheddar cheese, my dog pooped, and all 220lbs of me almost fainted picking it up.... man it was gross... I guess I will have to look into different food for my gf's cats)

ok, so the cage thing is a no no.... noted.... thank you.

hmmm, how about I have some of the engineers I work with build some sort of device that the cat will walk through all day long, and suck up all the hair it loses? lol...


P.S.
I got my dog from a shelter, it was rescued from a puppy mill. My gf also had rescued her cats. We met at an animal shelter, I was helping my friend choose a dog, and she was getting her second cat. we started talking, I thought that what she was doing was great (saving another cat), and she thought the same of me, ... i obviously didn't tell her that I wasn't really a "cat" person...
and here we are 2 years later, totally in love... but uhh... me with the cat issues.

P.S #2
What if I buy a house, and say good bye to the bachelor pad, and put the cats in the basement... providing them with ample space, and get them nice toys like those tree things they like to climb... is that a possible idea?
 

sarahp

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Think of it as child-proofing the house for the future


Training cats is possible to a certain degree. We don't like our cats on the table, so we bought a Ssscat repellant. It's a can of compressed air attached to a motion detector, which sits on the table. If the cats try to get on, it sprays a burst of air, and they jump straight off. They don't even try to get on the table any more, and we just put it elsewhere if we have guests.

If you don't want them scratching the furniture, put double sided tape on the furniture, and provide tall cat trees or them. They have nice modern ones available that the cats will love, and they will soon learn to scratch in the appropriate place.

If you have particular vases or whatever that you don't plan to move, get the earthquake proofing stuff like Museum Putty or QuakeHold Putty .

If the cats are yowling through the night, you and your GF need to work on this, and the move to your house would be a good time - change of environment = change of routine. Sounds like they'll have more space, and if they have a doggy play mate and maybe a nice new tall cat tree to play on, they'll have more to do, and get worn out, and sleep all night. Our cats wanted to play, or annoy us at night, and when they did, we just kicked them out, and closed the door and ignored them. They learnt pretty fast that they had to be quiet to be allowed in the bedroom! One of our cats occasionally yowls through the night, but it's not often and it doesn't last long. We also feed dry food only, and have an automatic feeder which dispenses 2 scoops of dry food at 6am and 6pm so the cats don't bug us for food, and we don't have to worry about them if we're away.

Smelly litter boxes? What sort of litter does she use? I use Worlds Best Cat Litter and covered litter trays, a Litter Locker (you keep it next to the litter tray, and scoop directly into that, so it makes scooping convenient and smell free), and have a Febreze type plug in (they have a Pet Odor Eliminator scent).

You can probably guess that we're all about convenience and practicality! Pretty much every problem you have can be solved. The cat hair issue? Get a good brush, and just deal with it. Your dog sheds, but for some reason you just hate the cat fur. You probaby notice it more in the small apartment.

The cats are going to do things that drive you nuts that you're going to have to learn to deal with. They are different to dogs. They are also going to grow to be fabulous companions who you will end up having a good relationship with.

Good on you for coming here to look for advice
 

sarahp

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Originally Posted by Vmax71

P.S #2
What if I buy a house, and say good bye to the bachelor pad, and put the cats in the basement... providing them with ample space, and get them nice toys like those tree things they like to climb... is that a possible idea?
Sure, if you plan to spend all your time there as well


Hiding them away where you don't see them kinda defeats the purpose of having pets! By then, you'll have learnt to love them (or can cat proof the house from day one).
 
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vmax71

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Originally Posted by fwan

you must have a wonder dog, because all the dogs here smell and pee and poo inside the house, they simply have no respect!

Unfortunately I don't think you and your gf should move in together because its going to end in bad terms.(i am only saying this from previous experience with men)
well... this little dog I have is a bit of a wonder dog actually. I rescued him about 3 years ago, he was very sick, had to have a hip transplant, so you can only imagine the vet bills were in the thousands.... no but wait... he was also neurotic, so he went to see a dog psychologist for about a year, and sent me doing overtime at work!.

Any dog or animal that comes out of a shelter is very "different" and let me tell you, he appreciates what he has now. It wasn't easy at first, I will admit, the dog didn't want to eat, didn't play, and was very traumatized at everything and yes, he pooped in the house... but now, he is wondeful...well, he was always wonderful from day 1 :-)
 

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Let me get this straight: You would go to the point of building a house with a basement for the kitties, but you wouldn't let your girlfriend move it with the cats... That sounds just a little off for me...
You claim your girlfriend buys $5.00 cans of food for her cat... Hum... funny - I have never seen a little can of cat food cost $5.00... She must really love her kitties to go to some pricey exclusive store to get their food.
You have a dog, but you claim that the cats are dirty, and run around all day... quite frankly, cats are known for sleeping around 15-16 hours a day... Are these cats on steroids? Also, I have yet to see a dog cleaner then a cat!
I have lots of things in my house - my cat never dropped/damaged anything... Cats are pretty good on balance - way better than a dog.
Yeah, what would you do if instead of the cats she had children? Tell her to put them up for adoption?
Well, if you are a real person and this issue is also real, and you do love this girl, you will know better than tell her to give up on her cats.
 

hissy

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You must care for your girlfriend very much to come here and ask advice. But, you need to remember that everyone here loves and respects cats and accepts them for all they are. Assigning them tasks to do or setting down rules doesn't work- "don't jump on the counter, climb on the table, eat my hair, rub up agaisnt me...."your list could be endless and cost you a lot of anxiety when they break every rule you set down.

My husband didn't like cats when we married. I had NO idea that he wasn't a cat person. I rescue strays and ferals and work with bottle babies. His daughter was visiting the second year of our marriage (during kitten season) She came into the living room where Mike's lap was full of kittens and he was bottle feeding two! She skidded to a halt and exclaimed; "Daddy- you HATE cats!" I was amazed and looked at my husband who had never even told me he didn't like cats. He said "I used to, until Mary Anne came into my life!" By the way, we have 15 cats currently...and yes, we have cat hair- occassional hairballs, some hiss and spit matches and sometimes our home might smell like a litter pan- but not to often! We have a large cat enclosure we built from scratch that attaches to our home so the cats can come in and out of the house into the enclosure safely. We also rescue abused German Shepherds and we have and have had dogs and puppies throughout our 20 plus years of marriage that get along fine with cats.

My point is that you need to overcome your aversion to cats. They are neat, fastidious animals- somewhat like you. They bury their poop- something a dog would never do. They groom themselves daily and if they are healthy, they take great pains in looking good always.

There are options for people with allergies- there is Allerpet- a visit to the doctor to find out if you are allergic to them truly, or you just think you are allergic to them.

Don't assign them human emotions- they don't have them. They don't get "mad" and carry a grudge, they just react. If you are not prey, you are predator and that is how they look at their world.

You almost sound like you want to "save" your girlfriend. It sounds to me like she doesn't need saving. She just needs to be cherished along with whatever pet she decides to bring to the table-

I wish you luck in what you finally decide to do-
 
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