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I have posted some time ago in response to someone else's thread about mothers. My mother and I have never had a good relationship - we irritate each other easily and often quarrel.
I went with my mother on a 5 day trip to Hong Kong from 21st December to 25th December. I knew it was a bad idea to take this trip to Hong Kong, but I only agreed to go because my father (who is working full time in China) would be there and he wanted to spend some time with all of us together. When we left, my mother and I were on good terms, talking and chatting normally. I thought maybe this trip would go well afterall, but things turned sour on our second day there.
My parents like this particular Italian restaurant near our hotel, and wanted to go there for dinner on our second evening in HK. Unfortunately, the restaurant was fully booked, which put my mother in a really grumpy mood. She nagged incessantly at my father for not booking a table earlier, and continued nagging even after we'd found a Chinese restaurant, ordered and started to eat.
I could tell that my father was getting very irritated, so I tried to do something nice and diffuse the tension - I offered her a chinese mushroom (something that I don't like but I know my mother likes), but she refused it saying in a very irritated tone that she already had one. Since the bowl was quite deep, and I was not sitting right next to her, I could not see that she already had one. I put the mushroom back in the big dish.
My father picked up that same mushroom and offered it to me. When I said I didn't want it, my mother immediately snapped "No wonder! She offered it to me because she doesn't like it!" I was furious and hurt, and told her that I was just trying to do something nice and that I really regretted it. In return she said "Just wait till you get back in Singapore, I have a lot of things to settle with you, I've been watching you!" Now, I have no idea what I did to make her say that since we were on talking terms when we first reached HK. I think she just likes to say things like that to make me afraid of her.
The next morning we all went out, I overheard her telling my father to buy a Louis Vuitton handbag that she was eyeing. It costs $5000, so my father thought it was way too expensive for a bag. She said "You should buy me that bag, why leave so much money for her?" Meaning let her spend more of his money instead of keeping it for my inheritance after they pass away.
To add to the misery, I received news at my favourite aunt had passed away in hospital after a long battle with cancer. She passed on the 3rd day we were there. My mother booked a ticket and came back to Singapore while I stayed to accompany my father till X'mas Day. While packing her bags, she threw all my things onto the bed, refusing to pack anything of mine back to Singapore. I didn't ask her to bring anything back, nor did I expect her to do so... Its just the way she did it to let me know that she was purposefully throwing my stuff out.
Since getting back, we have not spoken a word to each other. I think its better this way. We could never spend too much time in the same physical place without exploding into an argument. Being around her is like walking on a landmine - I never know when she'll hit me with some criticism like I'm fat (I'm average weight, just not supermodel skinny), she doesn't like the way I walk, she doesn't like the way I sound the horn in the car (!) and so on. And this is when she's in a good mood! Everything just has to be done HER way and its made me feel so uncomfortable around her.
Okay, thanks for letting me rant. I hope I haven't affected anyone's mood here, being the holiday season and all. I just really need a listening ear.
I went with my mother on a 5 day trip to Hong Kong from 21st December to 25th December. I knew it was a bad idea to take this trip to Hong Kong, but I only agreed to go because my father (who is working full time in China) would be there and he wanted to spend some time with all of us together. When we left, my mother and I were on good terms, talking and chatting normally. I thought maybe this trip would go well afterall, but things turned sour on our second day there.
My parents like this particular Italian restaurant near our hotel, and wanted to go there for dinner on our second evening in HK. Unfortunately, the restaurant was fully booked, which put my mother in a really grumpy mood. She nagged incessantly at my father for not booking a table earlier, and continued nagging even after we'd found a Chinese restaurant, ordered and started to eat.
I could tell that my father was getting very irritated, so I tried to do something nice and diffuse the tension - I offered her a chinese mushroom (something that I don't like but I know my mother likes), but she refused it saying in a very irritated tone that she already had one. Since the bowl was quite deep, and I was not sitting right next to her, I could not see that she already had one. I put the mushroom back in the big dish.
My father picked up that same mushroom and offered it to me. When I said I didn't want it, my mother immediately snapped "No wonder! She offered it to me because she doesn't like it!" I was furious and hurt, and told her that I was just trying to do something nice and that I really regretted it. In return she said "Just wait till you get back in Singapore, I have a lot of things to settle with you, I've been watching you!" Now, I have no idea what I did to make her say that since we were on talking terms when we first reached HK. I think she just likes to say things like that to make me afraid of her.
The next morning we all went out, I overheard her telling my father to buy a Louis Vuitton handbag that she was eyeing. It costs $5000, so my father thought it was way too expensive for a bag. She said "You should buy me that bag, why leave so much money for her?" Meaning let her spend more of his money instead of keeping it for my inheritance after they pass away.
To add to the misery, I received news at my favourite aunt had passed away in hospital after a long battle with cancer. She passed on the 3rd day we were there. My mother booked a ticket and came back to Singapore while I stayed to accompany my father till X'mas Day. While packing her bags, she threw all my things onto the bed, refusing to pack anything of mine back to Singapore. I didn't ask her to bring anything back, nor did I expect her to do so... Its just the way she did it to let me know that she was purposefully throwing my stuff out.
Since getting back, we have not spoken a word to each other. I think its better this way. We could never spend too much time in the same physical place without exploding into an argument. Being around her is like walking on a landmine - I never know when she'll hit me with some criticism like I'm fat (I'm average weight, just not supermodel skinny), she doesn't like the way I walk, she doesn't like the way I sound the horn in the car (!) and so on. And this is when she's in a good mood! Everything just has to be done HER way and its made me feel so uncomfortable around her.
Okay, thanks for letting me rant. I hope I haven't affected anyone's mood here, being the holiday season and all. I just really need a listening ear.
