It's Over

starryeyedtiger

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 5, 2005
Messages
22,317
Purraise
20
Location
USA
I felt I should let everyone know why I haven't been as active on TCS as I usually am. It's pretty much over between my husband Colin and I.(I know, we just got married not all that long ago, but things have become so bad and volitle with him that I just can no longer allow myself to be in that position.) I go tomorrow to pick out an apartment and the plan is to move out right after Christmas. Things have escilated to a point that I can no longer be with him. I've elaborated more in the PL....but for the sake of this thread I'd prefer not to go into too much detail other than I have tried just about everything to save it.....he just doesn't want to.
I still love him very much, but I also have to look out for what's best for me as well and right now it's in my best interest to get away from all of the negativity and bad things....to put myself in a better place and allow myself the chance to be happy maybe. Last night thing were so bad between him and I, that I left the house at 3am in my pajamas, grabbed my purse, keys and drove to my sisters house....that was the last straw. Things have been bad for months now and I'd stuck with it because I loved him and tried to make it work, but he has given up pretty much, so there's not much I can do. (We tried counseling - after the first session he blew up at me and said he wouldn't go back, we tried several books "5Love Languages" and "The Love Dare" most recently.....we didn't finish the last book, things have just become to bad.

It doesn't help that it's Christmas time eithor, but i'm just going to try and make the best of it. So anyways, if i'm not online as much as I normally am, that's what's going on. Any vibes you guys could spare would be nice.
 

carolina

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Nov 17, 2008
Messages
14,759
Purraise
215
Location
Corinth, TX
I am sorry you are going through this situation.... but I am also glad that you found the strength to remove yourself from a toxic situation... A lot of people don't... We are responsible for our own happiness - nobody else is, and there is nothing wrong in seeking what is healthier and better for us. You know in your heart if what you are doing is right. If it is, don't look back, just set on the auto pilot and do whatever you need to get yourself situated in your new apartment, new life, etc. One step after the other, one day at time - nothing more...
I have been in a similar situation, and all I can say is... It hurts now, it will hurt more the day you leave, but IT WILL PASS, and the happiness you will find when it is all over will make this one of the most rewarding ordeals of you life.
A huge door is opening in front of you, with the opportunity of much happier times -cross that door and close it behind you.

Good luck!
 

kittymonsters

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Mar 5, 2007
Messages
1,505
Purraise
17
Location
USA
I am so, so sorry.
Getting to a better place is the healthiest thing you can do.

Lots and lots of
 

calico2222

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 9, 2004
Messages
7,731
Purraise
41
Location
Over the river and through the woods...
Oh honey, I'm SO sorry!!
. I have noticed you haven't been around much but I thought that was just because of the holiday's and everything. I honestly don't know what to say except you need to do what's right for you. I'm sure it breaks your heart to leave him, but if he isn't making you happy you need to make the change to make YOURSELF happy.

 

kittkatt

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 1, 2006
Messages
6,108
Purraise
14
Location
Online
Originally Posted by carolinalima

I am sorry you are going through this situation.... but I am also glad that you found the strength to remove yourself from a toxic situation... A lot of people don't... We are responsible for our own happiness - nobody else is, and there is nothing wrong in seeking what is healthier and better for us. You know in your heart if what you are doing is right. If it is, don't look back, just set on the auto pilot and do whatever you need to get yourself situated in your new apartment, new life, etc. One step after the other, one day at time - nothing more...
I have been in a similar situation, and all I can say is... It hurts now, it will hurt more the day you leave, but IT WILL PASS, and the happiness you will find when it is all over will make this one of the most rewarding ordeals of you life.
A huge door is opening in front of you, with the opportunity of much happier times -cross that door and close it behind you.

Good luck!
Very well said, Carolina.

I am so sorry to hear of such sad news. But as Carolina pointed out, as difficult as it is right now, you are doing what's best for you, and things will get better.
I was involved in an abusive, toxic relationship several years ago myself, and even though I loved the guy with all my heart, I knew I had to get away from it b/c all the relationship brought to me was pain & heartache. It was one of the most difficult things I've ever had to do, but I'm glad I did it. It wasn't easy at times, but in the end everything turned out for the best.

Your heart is hurting now, but it will heal.


Sending you strength & courage to help you get past this difficult time.
 

oscarsmommy

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 30, 2005
Messages
2,803
Purraise
8
Location
O-H-I-O!
Oh Nikki I am so sorry! Please know that if you need ANYTHING, please please let me know. I am so here for you!
 

greycat2

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Aug 6, 2003
Messages
3,311
Purraise
138
Originally Posted by carolinalima

I am sorry you are going through this situation.... but I am also glad that you found the strength to remove yourself from a toxic situation... A lot of people don't... We are responsible for our own happiness - nobody else is, and there is nothing wrong in seeking what is healthier and better for us. You know in your heart if what you are doing is right. If it is, don't look back, just set on the auto pilot and do whatever you need to get yourself situated in your new apartment, new life, etc. One step after the other, one day at time - nothing more...
I have been in a similar situation, and all I can say is... It hurts now, it will hurt more the day you leave, but IT WILL PASS, and the happiness you will find when it is all over will make this one of the most rewarding ordeals of you life.
A huge door is opening in front of you, with the opportunity of much happier times -cross that door and close it behind you.

Good luck!
I'm so sorry Nikki.
Many to you.

We're here for you.
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #10

starryeyedtiger

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 5, 2005
Messages
22,317
Purraise
20
Location
USA
Thankyou you guys. I appreciate your kindness and support right now. I definitely need all the vibes you guys can spare.

I think what hurts the most is how much I still love him and care for him, knowing he doesn't feel the same.

I do think moving will give me a chance to maybe be happy down the road. I'm going to try and concentrate on just taking it a day at a time and trying to get my ducks in a row. It's just hard, I've tried everything I know to be a good wife to him, but i'm just not what he wants. I know I don't deserve to be treated the way he's been treating me though, so I think maybe getting away for a while will give me a chance to clear my head and make a better life for myself....I just wish that life included him by my side loving me, but at this point it doesn't so I'm just going to try and handle things as positively as possible.

I go tomorrow to hopefully sign the contract on an apartment and the plan is to move right after Christmas while he's out of town so it'll be easier on me I guess.
 

fwan

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 5, 2004
Messages
13,279
Purraise
2
Location
Australia
Oh wow


I just don't get it on his side, you only just got married I am sure it hasnt fizzled out that fast!!

All i can say is good luck and i'm sending you all the strength vibes I have to get through this!
I will be thinking of you!

 

twstychik

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Sep 27, 2006
Messages
5,720
Purraise
4
Location
Northern IN
Nikki, In some ways you'll probably always love him... but you tried above and beyond to do everything in YOUR power to save this.
Just know that you WILL find happiness when you ready.
 

katiemae1277

TCS Member
Veteran
Joined
Nov 28, 2005
Messages
20,445
Purraise
17
Location
NE OH
Originally Posted by carolinalima

I am sorry you are going through this situation.... but I am also glad that you found the strength to remove yourself from a toxic situation... A lot of people don't... We are responsible for our own happiness - nobody else is, and there is nothing wrong in seeking what is healthier and better for us. You know in your heart if what you are doing is right. If it is, don't look back, just set on the auto pilot and do whatever you need to get yourself situated in your new apartment, new life, etc. One step after the other, one day at time - nothing more...
I have been in a similar situation, and all I can say is... It hurts now, it will hurt more the day you leave, but IT WILL PASS, and the happiness you will find when it is all over will make this one of the most rewarding ordeals of you life.
A huge door is opening in front of you, with the opportunity of much happier times -cross that door and close it behind you.

Good luck!
this is such a great post!! words to hold close: one day at a time and this too shall pass don't forget what does not kill me, makes me stronger
 
  • Thread Starter Thread Starter
  • #17

starryeyedtiger

TCS Member
Thread starter
Top Cat
Joined
Apr 5, 2005
Messages
22,317
Purraise
20
Location
USA
Thanks you guys for the kind words and support. My sister and I are about to head out in a little while to go apartment hunting. I'm hoping to get a lease signed today, i'll update and let you guys know how it all goes.
 

KittenKrazy

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Jul 24, 2003
Messages
4,465
Purraise
13
Location
Double Springs, Alabama
Sweetie, you know where to find me if you need to vent or just to talk, know that you're in my thoughts and prayers, today and through the rest of the holiday season.....and the months ahead too, for that matter......like was said before me, one day at a time is the best way to take it, and remember that we're here for you...always! (((HUGS)))
 

snake_lady

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 9, 2008
Messages
7,218
Purraise
13
Location
ON./Canada
Originally Posted by carolinalima

I am sorry you are going through this situation.... but I am also glad that you found the strength to remove yourself from a toxic situation... A lot of people don't... We are responsible for our own happiness - nobody else is, and there is nothing wrong in seeking what is healthier and better for us. You know in your heart if what you are doing is right. If it is, don't look back, just set on the auto pilot and do whatever you need to get yourself situated in your new apartment, new life, etc. One step after the other, one day at time - nothing more...
I have been in a similar situation, and all I can say is... It hurts now, it will hurt more the day you leave, but IT WILL PASS, and the happiness you will find when it is all over will make this one of the most rewarding ordeals of you life.
A huge door is opening in front of you, with the opportunity of much happier times -cross that door and close it behind you.

Good luck!
I don't think it could be worded any better.

Lots of

I hope you are able to find an apt. today
One step at a time.
 

strange_wings

TCS Member
Top Cat
Joined
Dec 20, 2006
Messages
13,498
Purraise
39
I had seen little bits here and there in your posts for a while now - pretty much since I joined in fact. I see it in a lot of peoples posts, several who should take the initiative like you are but won't until everything completely falls apart or blows up in their faces, so to speak.


So he has a temper? My father is like that but was much worse when I was growing up, it was horrible watching my mother crumble under that and lose more of herself. Her self esteem is still very very low because of the way she let him and lets everyone else treat her. It's no way for a person to live.

It's good that you're thinking of you. You've made the effort, now you've got to save yourself. I hope the apartment works out well. Presumably you find one that won't have big issues with animals. You're also lucky to have family that's there for you.
 
Top