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It's Over - Page 4

post #91 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by laureen227 View Post
well, as someone who hasn't found him yet - i'd still prefer being alone to being in an abusive relationship.
I agree. With all that's happened last year, I'm trying to get out more and meet new people. Who knows what will happen. I can't keep living my life at home and being afraid to go out. I'll never meet someone that way. This area is not the best for relationships or what I'm looking for so maybe I'll keep an eye out for a job somewhere else.

Nikki - I'm sorry that you are going through this, but envy you to have the courage to do what is right and what may not be the easiest. You have to look out for you. Keep your chin up!
post #92 of 111
Thread Starter 
Hey you guys, i'm at my sister's house for a little while hanging out with her so I just wanted to update and let everyone know that i'm doing ok today. I apreciate all of the support and kindness keep the prayers comming though, i need them.
post #93 of 111
Glad to hear you're doing well, Nikki. As others have said, it will start to get better soon, and someday you'll understand why it all turned out this way. When I think of the string of losers I dated and was engaged to now (and, believe me, there were some real losers), I know that it was the path I had to take to get me to my wonderful husband.

Hang in there...you're an amazingly special person, Nikki. You deserve SO much better than what Colin could give you and someday you'll have it.
post #94 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Tari View Post
someday you'll understand why it all turned out this way. When I think of the string of losers I dated and was engaged to now (and, believe me, there were some real losers), I know that it was the path I had to take to get me to my wonderful husband.

Every relationship you're in teaches you something. I've had my share of losers in my time too, and even though some of them were pure hell, I don't think I'd wanna change any of it, b/c it made me a stronger (and hopefully) better person. Every dark cloud has a silver lining.

You sound like you're doing well, and hanging in there, Nikki. You go, girl!
post #95 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by jugen View Post
Oh sweets!
I'm so sorry that divorce is in the future. But trust me I agree with all the people that say that verbal abuse doesn't get better, it just escalates.
I lived with a man who was terrible and abusive to me for 6 years until one of HIS friends said to me, that if I didn't get out, he (my hubby at the time) would end up killing me. Needless to say, it was horrible but I took his advice. My ex took the lives of my animals and made them a living hell for them, but I had no choice but to leave them there until I could find somewhere to put them all, and to this day, I'll never forgive him, not for what he did to me, but for what he did to my animals. I know that Karma is catching up to him for what he did to them (and me) because once in awhile I see him and it's not a pretty sight..

You'll be ok kiddo. You've got family and friends. We all love you here and will be the shoulders and tissues you need anytime of the day and night.
Colin is a jerk if he doesn't realize what a special person he's loosing. In the end karma will bite him in the (donkey) too.
Am I reading this correctly to say your ex KILLED your animals? That's a crime, I mean, really - as in illegal. I would guess - depending on where you live - it's felony abuse! He should have gone to jail for that!!!
post #96 of 111
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to update and let you guys know i'm still hanging in there. I spent the night at my best friend Renae's house last night and we had a little girls night in- so that was fun.

It's still pretty upsetting though- the whole idea of a divorce and all, especially because I still do love him..and I long for the person that he used to be and the way he used to treat me.....but I just can't be around him with the type of person he's turned into in recent months. I know I made the right choice for me at this point in time, but I still just wish he'd get the help he needs and make positive changes. I would love it if he did that and we were able to work things out- I still do love him. But for right now I don't see that happening, especially since he's said he wants a divorce and all...so I'm just trying to be positive and make the best of things on my own right now.
post #97 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR View Post
I still do love him.
Nikki, you need to keep reminding yourself of the things he used to say to you
post #98 of 111
So sorry to hear that divorce is what he decided, but you are going to be better off. As far you still being in love with him, that will fade with time. I was married to my ex for 13 years and never thought I would get over the divorce. I made some dumb choices right after we split up, and then realized I was worth so much better. I took time to figure out what I needed and wanted. Take your time and be good to yourself.

Glad you have family that is close, and they are there for you.

Any news on the job front? coming for healing your heart & finding a job.
post #99 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
Nikki, you need to keep reminding yourself of the things he used to say to you
I have to agree with Susan! I was in a relationship for 5 years with a man who was extremely abusive to me. He was never physically abusive but he was extremely verbally abusive, making me think I wasn't worth anything, never letting me be with my friends or his, making me stay home alone always, while he would be out during the week until 4:00am with only who knows who! I would cry daily, I never thought I would find another man like him, I thought he was the best thing alive. Boy was I wrong.

I finally stood up on my own 2 feet after 5 years and realized that I was better than him - just like your better than Colin! You don't deserve what your going through and you DON'T deserve to be treated like that, nobody does

Keep your chin up, you will be happier than you ever imagined, no man is worth the tears, especially if he won't love you like you deserve to be loved
post #100 of 111
Thread Starter 
thanks you guys.
post #101 of 111
Nikki - you are a beautiful woman. Dump this jerk, don't look back, and the one who can see you for who you are is right there when you're ready.
post #102 of 111
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to let everyone know that i'm still doing ok! I had supper at my sister's house tonight so I thought i'd update while i'm over here. Thankyou again so much for the continued prayers. Please pray I find a good second job soon- i've been really trying, so hopefully my efforts will pay off soon!
post #103 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR View Post
I long for the person that he used to be and the way he used to treat me.....but I just can't be around him with the type of person he's turned into in recent months.
I would bet, that the person he "used to be" never really existed in the first place, and all that sweet & loving attention you used to receive from him was all just a facade to get you "hooked". That's the way it usually is with abusers. You don't see the real person till after they've gotten you to fall head-over-heels for them....

My ex was that way, too. He sure knew how to turn on the charm when he wanted to. But after he got his way, the snake in him would come out. He had more venom than a cobra..

Once I realized I was in love with a fantasy, all those stars in my eyes for him vanished...

Nikki, if you want any info on online support groups for peeps who've been in abusive relationships, just let me know. I really think it could benefit you..
post #104 of 111
Thread Starter 
Just wanted to let everyone know that i'm still hanging in there. I am at my sister's house for dinner so I wanted to update while I have a minute.

Thanks to a very sweet angel, I will be getting my internet hooked up at my apartment tomorrow so I will be able to get back on TCS more often and have access to the internet again. I am so thrilled- that's definitely giving me something to look foward to, despite all of the negative things right now!
post #105 of 111
Quote:
Originally Posted by StarryEyedTiGeR View Post
Just wanted to let everyone know that i'm still hanging in there. I am at my sister's house for dinner so I wanted to update while I have a minute.

Thanks to a very sweet angel, I will be getting my internet hooked up at my apartment tomorrow so I will be able to get back on TCS more often and have access to the internet again. I am so thrilled- that's definitely giving me something to look foward to, despite all of the negative things right now!
There are a lot of sweet angels who hang out at TCS.

I'm so glad to hear you're hanging in there, Nikki! In time, you'll get over this, and be so happy that you hung in there.
post #106 of 111
Thread Starter 
Hey everyone! Just wanted to update and let you guys know i'm ok.

I'm at my sister's house at the moment. The internet company that was supposed to hook up my internet earlier in the week never showed after I waited ALL day on them (and called 3 times) so anyways, I cancelled service/etc with them. So for the time being no internet just yet. Instead I decided to go with AT&T. They are mailing me my self instillation kit/etc so I should have that around the 20th! After that all I have to do is get my brother in law to install it for me and get everything set up- then I should be good to go! So hopefully soon thanks to my wonderful angel, I should have internet! I can't wait!

In the mean time I'm still trying to find a second job- been looking everywhere and applying like crazy...unfortunately even though i'm qualified to work as a Vet Tech and a Florist- I can't find anything in eithor field....so i'm looking elsewhere in addition to that as well. Please pray I find something good soon!

Thankyou again for all of your prayers and support everyone! I appreciate them so much! Hopefully soon I'll be able to get online much more often and catch up on all the threads i've missed!

No news really from anything between Colin and I. He hasn't called me or tried to contact me whatsoever so nothing new really. Things are still pretty aweful as far as that goes. I guess we both need prayers. I know he's treating me like crap, but I still think that he has something else going on with him (possibly mentally) so even all that aside if you guys could spare some prayers that he gets the help he needs that'd be good to. I do still love him, and I would never wish anything bad on him....even after all he's done to me, but i just can't be with him right now. I think i still have a lot of compassion and love for him because I know deep in my heart he really does need help- but I just can not allow myself to be his doormat anymore. I don't deserve to be treated badly just because he has some issues he needs help for. He has to get help for himself and make positive changes and I hope he does that reguardless of what happens between us...
post #107 of 111
That sounds like a good, healthy attitude, Nikki. Thinking of you often and hoping good things...
post #108 of 111
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
That sounds like a good, healthy attitude, Nikki. Thinking of you often and hoping good things...
Thankyou Carol I appreciate those vibes I need them this week!!
post #109 of 111
Many that you can find a second job quickly and
post #110 of 111
Woohoo, you'll have internet in a few days

I hope you are able to find a second job soon.

You have a pretty darn good outlook on the whole situation, and are doing a great job at starting to heal yourself. My thoughts are with you during your journey.

that Colin realises that he needs help, and is able to get it.
post #111 of 111
Sending you prayers, vibes & some California sunshine
I hope that your internet gets hooked up on Tues., that we read about that great 2nd job very soon, and that both Colin & you get to heal. I understand how you feel about him - and I applaud that you show the dedication that you meant when you exchanged those wedding vows It doesn't mean that you are a "pollyanna" or a "wimp" (your moving out shows the integrity, self-respect & courage that you have ) but it shows Heaven that you have a strong moral character - I am sure that all your ancestors & unborn descendants from over RB are smiling very proudly at seeing your faith & courage
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