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I don't even feel like Christmas this year.

post #1 of 15
Thread Starter 
I decided to do some serious Christmas decorating last night. So, I had Christmas music playing, candles lit, and decided to start with our Nativity set. It's actually my parents set that I inherited after they passed away, and it is probably the ugliest Nativity set you could imagine! They got the basics (holy family and wise men) the Christmas after they got married in 1962, but more pieces have been added as people in the family passed away so it's basically a hodge podge. We have a headless shepard (which came from one of my great grandfathers), a Five and dime dog (which is something my father insisted on putting in his when he was a little boy), a minature 4th wise man from my great grandmother's set....you get the idea...

Anyway, I just started getting VERY emotional. What made me the angriest is I don't remember where all the mismatched ones came from! I had the sudden urge to pick up the phone and call mom and ask...but I can't do that. It just made me miss her all the more.

Then, on top of that, I was moving Dad's light house (he collected lighthouses for years and this was his favorite...I had it hand made for him about 15 years ago and it's the only one I have left)....and it slipped out of my hands and broke! It's ceramic, and luckily only the base broke and could be fixed with super glue, but that was the last staw! I just sat down and bawled.

Poor DH came home from work shortly afterwards, saw the lighthouse, and just poured me a glass of wine and gave me a hug. God love him.

But, I still have the rest of the decorating to do, the rest of the house to clean, shopping to to, presents to wrap, cookies to bake, Christmas dinner to plan (DH "volunteered" us to do Christmas dinner...we just did Thanksgiving!! ) not to mention finding time to eat, sleep and go to work. I really am NOT in the mood for this!

I just want to grab the rest of the bottle of wine and curl up under the covers until Jan 2!

Sorry for the long post...I just needed to vent.
post #2 of 15
Oh wow honey you sure seem to be unsettled at the moment Christmas can be stressful, we know how you feel.

The idea of curling up under the covers until January 2nd seems such a good idea the more I think of it too Take care, and keep your chin up!
post #3 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
...I had the sudden urge to pick up the phone and call mom and ask...but I can't do that. It just made me miss her all the more...
Oh, sweetheart, I understand... I've actually started out to the living room a few times to talk to my father about one thing or another, forgetting that he isn't there anymore. It's so sad.

It doesn't feel much like Christmas in our house either, and we're not even really trying to do much about that. We have a wreath and some bells on the front door, and we're making breakfast Christmas morning... we have perhaps a tenth of the usual presents for my nephew, and only one small token gift for each of us adults.

I really admire the effort you're making in spite of how you feel... and I hope at some point the spirit will come back to you, and you'll be able to enjoy the season after all. Bless you for trying, hon.
post #4 of 15
I haven't even hung up my cats and our Christmas stockings this year. There isn't anything that resembles christmas in our house this year. My husbands work is going to shutdown for 10 days with no pay so we figured we were going to be very strapped this year. Last week they told him he could work the 10 days cause they needed some production done! We are just going to have a really nice prime rib for dinner and call it good. The cats will be getting this funny little electronic bug that works from sound and movement. That will keep them busy till they run it into a wall.
post #5 of 15
It doesn't seem much like Christmas around here this year, either. I miss my son & granddaughter, and I miss my mom & the rest of my family. It's the thing I hate the most about living away from them all.

I hope you get to feeling better soon, Calico. Try to count your blessings. You have a wonderful hubby, and all those furbies to love & cherish. They're some of the greatest "gifts" of all.
post #6 of 15
I know just how you feel. When I start playing Christmas music for the first time each year, I start crying--I think about all of the people I loved who are no longer here--even my Dad, who was not a very nice person to me, and always tried to ruin Christmas every single year (until 1995, when I finally told him how upset he made us. He then tried to be more jolly for the last 4 years of his life). I then think of my best friend Alice, who died of cancer 6 years ago...then I think of...

The best thing you can do is to get a little sad--nothing wrong with this--it's part of the memories, and those are important. I see this sadness as part of how we appreciate those are are still with us. Then, after you cry, wipe your eyes, and count your blessings, and hug those are are still here. All of these emotions are part of the holiday, and natural, IMHO.

I know I probably didn't express what I meant very coherently! I guess what I mean is: beacause of the sadness, you will appreciate what you have now even more.

I hope you feel better, and manage to create a wonderful Christmas for yourself and your family. Just do what you can, bit by bit. You don't need to turn your home into Six Flags Over________ (insert your state here) for it to be nice. Sometimes, simple is better at Christmas. That's what I did this year. I just didn't feel up to hauling out all of the bling-bling, and just had simple fresh greens and white candles. I love it. What is more important is to spend time with your family, and engage in a few meaningful activities together this season.

Merry Christmas and a Healthy, Happy New Year!
post #7 of 15
Its a tough, busy time of year..I secretly can't wait until its over too! I have so much to do and we are going away on Tuesday ...When the heck with I do everything? NO IDEA.
post #8 of 15
I absolutely feel for you. To make matters worse this year, DH is on call with his company that entire week so any plans we would have to go out of town to visit relatives are gone. So its just DH and I this year and we've started sharing presents this weekend. We'll have our prime rib dinner Christmas dinner at home tonight. And we haven't even decorated the house yet. I have the boxes with decorations in my dining room, but I'm just going to pack them away this afternoon.

The year after I lost my mom (dad's been gone for a long time), I realized that if I didn't start to lower my expectations for Christmas, I'd be completely depressed. That alone gets me through the holidays each year.

to get your through Christmas.
post #9 of 15
awwww..honey i hope your feeling better, i think DH will be able to cheer u up for the holiday, i cant imagine how hard it is to not have both your parents anymore, i almost lost my mom a few years ago and it was the scariest thing ever.

i experienced a little sadness over a lost loved one a few days ago....i was going to cash in the last of my savings bonds from my gram to died on dec 23rd about 7 years ago.....well i started looking at the dates on the savings bond, and the one was sept 7 1977....that was just a few days after i was born, it was prob the first bond she got for me....it kinda hit a soft spot and i got all teary eyed.

i really think everyone goes thru this over lost loved ones around the holidays, sending my love your way.....
post #10 of 15
Awwww....Hope, I know how you feel. I haven't lost both parents, but one and that is hard enough. I did end up decorating the tree and well, I just couldn't remember what it looked like - and of course I can't ask my mom anymore. She was good at almost everything - even if she hadn't tried it before. I don't seem to have picked that up from her.

However, my mom was an ultimate cook and baker. She could do it all - it took me YEARS to even get good at it and even then I could never cook as fast as she could. I also don't know what spices go well together. I get so frustrated because there are so many recipes I didn't learn from her so now I am stumbling trying to go based on memory and taste. So far, I've actually done well, but there will be one day when I won't know what went wrong - and I can't ask.

Everywhere I go - it is just another reminder and this christmas is especially hard because I see all the things I want to buy for her, and well- I can't anymore. I just don't have any christmas spirit.

The other night I fell asleep for about 10 mins and woke up to my dad and best friend talking and I was about to ask where mom was - then I remembered.

It just makes you wish you would have asked what you could while you had the chance. You always think you have all the time in the world and then it is gone.

Your husband sounds like he really cares and understands you. You are so lucky!
post #11 of 15
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone for your words and support. I was just feeling sorry for myself last night, but I guess that's allowed some times during the holidays.

Quote:
Originally Posted by MargeCat View Post
The best thing you can do is to get a little sad--nothing wrong with this--it's part of the memories, and those are important. I see this sadness as part of how we appreciate those are are still with us. Then, after you cry, wipe your eyes, and count your blessings, and hug those are are still here. All of these emotions are part of the holiday, and natural, IMHO.

I know I probably didn't express what I meant very coherently! I guess what I mean is: beacause of the sadness, you will appreciate what you have now even more.

Merry Christmas and a Healthy, Happy New Year!
Honey, you expressed yourself perfectly! Mom always said Christmas was a "bittersweet" holiday for her, but I never really understood what she meant. Her grandfather, who she adored, was a BIG Christmas nut! Every Christmas she and grandma would talk about how fun he made Christmas and I guess it wasn't the same for her after he died. He died when mom was still a teen so I never had a chance to meet him.

You're absolutely right, Christmas is about missing people who are gone, but cherishing the people who are still here. The whole thing just slapped me in the face yesterday for some reason. But thank you again for taking the time to read my rant.
post #12 of 15
Down here it's always hard for me to get into any kind of holiday spirit when it's 80 degrees outside, but this year I haven't made a single effort to decorate. Not one decoration, not even a card standing up on our entertainment unit. No lights, nothing. This year I feel like it even less than usual so just didn't bother.
post #13 of 15
Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
Thank you everyone for your words and support. I was just feeling sorry for myself last night, but I guess that's allowed some times during the holidays.



Honey, you expressed yourself perfectly! Mom always said Christmas was a "bittersweet" holiday for her, but I never really understood what she meant. Her grandfather, who she adored, was a BIG Christmas nut! Every Christmas she and grandma would talk about how fun he made Christmas and I guess it wasn't the same for her after he died. He died when mom was still a teen so I never had a chance to meet him.

You're absolutely right, Christmas is about missing people who are gone, but cherishing the people who are still here. The whole thing just slapped me in the face yesterday for some reason. But thank you again for taking the time to read my rant.
Thank you! I always mean well, but it usually comes out wrong, especially on this forum. I'm not the most eloquent person here! I'm glad that my comments helped you--that was my intention.
post #14 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by ShopCat View Post
Down here it's always hard for me to get into any kind of holiday spirit when it's 80 degrees outside, but this year I haven't made a single effort to decorate. Not one decoration, not even a card standing up on our entertainment unit. No lights, nothing. This year I feel like it even less than usual so just didn't bother.
I hear you! I spent 4 years in Guam and it was SO hard getting into a Christmas mood while wearing shorts and t-shirts in December! It was just wierd seeing palm trees decorated with lights. And they still had plastic snowmen in their yard, and played "I'm dreaming of a white Christmas"...they have never seen snow in their life!!

One friend actually bought a banana tree in a pot and used that as her Christmas tree.
post #15 of 15
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by MargeCat View Post
Thank you! I always mean well, but it usually comes out wrong, especially on this forum. I'm not the most eloquent person here! I'm glad that my comments helped you--that was my intention.
You were perfectly eloquent honey!
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