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I don't understand what went so wrong...

post #1 of 17
Thread Starter 
So-- I am pretty much a lurker.

I have gained so much help and advice just from lurking--- food ideas, ideas to help prevent future UTI, blockage info, etc.

I noticed in the past few weeks about once a day my soon to be 7 year old cat (born Jan 31, 2002) would cough. No hairball would come out and no vomit. So I thought-- huh weird. Then, I became more concerned as it happened more frequently. I had a vet appointment for this week but ended up taking him to the ER vet at 1:00AM on Thursday. Asthma was definitely the diagnosis-- steroids were dispensed-- the vet said he was not even in a crisis state and the prognosis for recovery was excellent. All day he seemed to be breathing just as heavy as when I went to the vet-- however he still had an appetite even though he was very lethargic. I called the vet and they said it would take a little time for the medicine to take its full effects. As the night wore on-- I just was not comfortable.

I took him in-- he was so limp and he died in the carrier on the way to the vet.

The vet thinks he may have vomited and then caught some of the matter in his airway.

I feel so horrific. I feel.. maybe I should not have pushed him through the cat carrier-- maybe I should not have taken him and stirred him up so.

It was the same ER vet tonight-- and they did try to bring him back-- but no go.

I just-- don't quite understand why this happened. I wish I felt I did the best I could. I just-- I dont know.

I came home and feel like I just need to watch brainless tv until I fall asleep and snuggle with my other cats. I am just so depressed I felt so hopeful today.
post #2 of 17
Sometimes it makes no sense....I truly do not know what killed my Damita Mae. (I've often wondered if I did something wrong, if I failed her) Sometimes, there is just enough wrong with the kitty that they cannot survive. I know words are useless, but many of us have been there before.
post #3 of 17
What a shockingly devastating thing to have to experience. You cannot fault yourself in any way for getting your kitty to the vet to help him, that is all you were doing. I am so very sorry this happened.
post #4 of 17
Dont blame yourself.
My Lucy died on the way to er in 2001.
So sorry he died.
post #5 of 17
I'm so sorry You really did all you could - just what any one here would have. He was loved and that is what matters.
post #6 of 17
Thread Starter 
Thanks so much for the kind words.

The irony is that 3 months ago I was also at the ER vet with his brother who had a nasty blockage-- now with the change in diet and the change in a few environmental things he is thriving. At the time, I had to do the minimum to save him because I was low on money.

Now with Sugar on the other hand, the irony is that I got a very nice bonus and had pretty much all the money I needed-- and yet I still could not save him.

The vet tonight was the same vet he saw earlier today (ie 100am-3:30am). She seemed just as devastated. The whole clinic that was there this morning seemed that way. They made me a paw print with his name and clipped some of his soft belly hair for me. I used to love to nuzzle his belly. I did opt for private cremation. It is ironic, my friend started making pet lockets for hair or ashes-- and now I have a reason to buy one from her.

Still sucks-- I just can't believe I wont see that sweet gentleman anymore.

I think my mom (she lives with me) will take it the hardest. She was stunned when she came to say goodbye to him tonight at the vet's, but Sugar was her best friend. He followed her everywhere like he was a dog. Even tonight he did his best to stay near her. She watched him come into this world and now he is gone way too fast.

Thanks again! I know many of you have been through this several times. Just stinks no matter how you look at it.
post #7 of 17
I am glad you got his fur.
I did that also.
You gave me a idea.
I will put it in a locket also.
post #8 of 17
Thread Starter 
Yes I like the idea a lot!

They did such a sweet job in getting his fur. They got a mixture of his white and tabby belly hair. Makes me feel better to know I have it.
post #9 of 17
I am so very sorry for your loss... please don't blame yourself.... You did everything you could....
post #10 of 17
I'm so sorry for your loss - he sounds like a wonderful cat and you all did everything that could be done.
post #11 of 17
The really bad thing about cats is that they are so good at hiding how ill they are until they just can't go on. It sounds to me like you DID do the best you could. Sometimes nothing we do can change the outcome. If your cat had been at the vets office the whole time, they still might not have been able to save him.

I'm so sorry that you lost him. Have you visited our "Crossing the Bridge" section, and www.petloss.com?
post #12 of 17
Thread Starter 
A friend of mine said about the same thing mrblanche. She said that cats health can change rapidly even more so than other animals from her experience.

Today is "better."

I don't think that I feel quite as guilty other than I wish now I had not put him in the carrier and had been holding him or let him pass away at home with his family around him loving him. I just worry the last thing he knew was the scary cat carrier.

I am so glad I ended up having an unexpected vacation day today! Thank goodness I did not have to go into work.
post #13 of 17
Thread Starter 
Thanks MrBlanche for the idea about posting to the Crossing Bridge forum and the links.

It was therapeutic to write things out and it is also therapeutic to read about others and their babies. It makes me feel less alone.

Thank you so much.
post #14 of 17
I'm just Mike. The "MR" are just my initials, not a claim to any formality!

I saw the picture of your cat, and he was a handsome devil!
post #15 of 17
If it's not too late, you may want to ask the vet to do a necropsy. When my cats have died from unexpected causes, I found that the necropsy really helped me to understand what happened and to make peace with the situation. I lost one cat to hypertrophic cardiomyopathy and another to FIP. Knowing the causes of their symptoms also helps me to be more alert to problems in the future. I know you did everything you could for your kitty, and I'm sorry for your loss.
post #16 of 17
Oh my gosh, that's so incredibly sad. I'm so sorry, Lovetheduns. Please don't feel bad about taking him to the vet, it was the right thing to do.

Sugar was well-loved in his life and I'm sure he knew it.

<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<<hugs>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> to you.
post #17 of 17
It was therapeutic to write things out and it is also therapeutic to read about others and their babies. It makes me feel less alone.

You are so not alone. My heart goes out to you during this time.
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