Mourning behavior??? She's missing my ex.

Hi Everyone, it's been a while since I was on TCS. It's been a rough couple months IRL for me.

Basically, my partner and I broke up, and he moved out on Saturday. For the last five days Mackerel's been crying a lot.

I work full time, and Mackerel is alone for about 11 hours every day. This is the first time she's been alone for all that time, because before my partner was at home without a job.

Since my partner left, whenever I'm at home now she's crying and crying and restless... I'll play with her or stroke her but she's never interested for long and she just goes back to crying.

She's eating fine and not hiding away... and she hasn't changed her behavior at all except for the lots of crying.

Is she missing my ex? What can I do?

I had something similar to that, I had a cat that had kittens and the kittens were together for quite some time before we found them homes. We kept one of the kittens, Mimi. She was devastated when they left, she lost weight and was very depressed, I had picked up another stray I found that needed a home and she started to gain weight again and was mothering it. I realize everyones circumstances are different and you might not be able to have another cat, but this was my experience. Good luck.

If it was an amicable seperation, perhaps you could get a shirt from your ex, with the familiar scent... and put it in Mackerel's bed or if you have a big ol stuffed toy you could put the clothing on...

it might help ease the seperation anxiety.

I take it your ex had a lot to do with the kitty?

It must be hard to hear your cat crying and I agree that Mackerel is crying for the loss of your ex. It is of course temporary however much you want to fix it. I have one cat and he is at home all day when we are both at work, although we are very much in demand for playtime and attention he is fine on his own. Another cat is an option but maybe not the solution. I just think lots of love and attention, lots of toys to distract and entertain him and he'll be fine in a while. A t-shirt of your ex is a great idea if possible or he might have left an old dirty t-shirt somewhere to hide from the washing machine use that somewhere that Mackerel sleeps. But change is a habit of all lives and at times the change can be hard for us all including our animals. I hope Mackerel perks up soon

Unfortunately he didn't leave any clothes and he's moved back to England so I can't get a shirt or clothing...

BUT I was just about to put his sheets in the wash when I started reading these, so I guess I'll leave his bed as it is for the moment and let her keep sleeping in his room until she decides that she can do without it. :-(

She was still upset last night... it's been almost a week and she's still crying almost incessantly.

She's started climbing up me whenever I'm not moving around to try and get into my arms and get my attention. It *really* hurts. So what I've been doing is to immediately move underneath her and say "ow" so that a) I'm not a stable climbing surface and b) so that hopefully she realizes that she's hurting me.

After she jumps down from climbing up me, should I pick her up? I'm worried that that might be training her that clawing at me is a good way to get some affection/comfort but she's so sad... I don't want to leave her down there alone. :-(

And yes, my ex did have a lot to do with her.

He was the cat person of the two of us- I'd always had dogs before. And though I've fallen in love with Mack I still wasn't the one that spent the most time with her.

And as well as that, I was the one who was working full time... he was staying home with the cat for almost two months when he was unemployed.

Zane was my father's cat, and after he died he would go around the house yowling. He got over it after a while, and yours will too.

So, it's been 15 days and she's still meowing. Not as much, but there's still noise.

She also wont let me sleep past 6:30- that's actually pretty normal, but she's even less likely to let me be now.

can you tell me how you got rid of the jobless guy? i have an infestation of that and while i'm sure the cats will miss him, I'd love tips on how you got him out. =)

Heh. You'll have to figure that out yourself. Our break up was messy and painful- I wouldn't suggest it for anyone else.