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It has now been exactly a month since Max left us...

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
Today marks the one-month anniversarry of the day that our oldest cat, Max, passed away. We found him dead in our living room on the morning of November 17th. We have no idea what killed him. He was totally fine the night before when we went to bed. The next morning, he had passed away. He was quite overweight and we couldn't get him to lose weight no matter what diet or exercise we tried with him. He was also inbred, with his parents being brother and sister, so it could have been some sort of congenital anomaly that just finally took it's toll on him. He would have turned 7 on Christmas day. We had him since he was a tiny kitten. I miss him so much it hurts. He meant so much to us. He had the best personality and just loved everyone. He was a true Garfield. Not ever knowing what killed him is tearing me up and making me feel so incredibly guilty. I feel like I failed him somehow and wonder if I could have prevented his death. He didn't even show any signs of being ill and wasn't even acting the least bit strange.

Last night in the middle of the night, something VERY strange happened. I woke up around 5 AM from a deep sleep in a complete panic. I was short of breath, sweaty, and my arms and mouth felt tingly. I was having a full-blown panic attack, which has NEVER happened to me before in my entire life. The first thing that I thought when I woke up was, "Oh my god..where's Max?!?! I never saw him yesterday!" I jumped out of bed and started turning lights on, going from room to room searching for Max. I then snapped right out of it when I saw our new cat, Abby (who we adopted after Max died), sleeping under our Christmas tree in the living room. I was totally shaken up and couldn't get back to sleep. My DH was sleeping and I didn't want to wake him, so I went into the guest bedroom and lied in bed and cried for the first time in 3 weeks. I have no idea why this happened and I think it's very strange that it happened EXACTLY one month to the day since he died. Maybe it was the NyQuil I took before going to bed for my cold. I just don't know. I think about Max constantly and miss him so much. I have been doing a lot better over the last 2 weeks or with coming to accept the fact that he is no longer with us and I will never know what killed him, but what happened last night just freaked me out. I think I may have been having a dream about Max right before I woke up, but I really can't remember. Has anything like this ever happend to anyone else before? Please tell me I'm not crazy!
post #2 of 9
You are not crazy.
post #3 of 9
Thread Starter 
Thanks. I just feel really strange today after that little incident. I haven't even been able to concentrate fully on my work because I can't stop thinking about it.
post #4 of 9
So sorry he died all of a sudden.
post #5 of 9
I think you are probably more stressed out than normal. You lost a cat and had a 2nd one sick in the last month. I know I worry more than I used to since I lost 2 cats in the last year....one rather quickly. I wake up in a panic every once in a while. It's not fun........I know how you feel.
post #6 of 9
Thread Starter 
I definitely do worry more now about my animals. Scooter (the one who had the URI) has finished his antibiotic and has completely recovered and is back to eating like a little pig again! He's back to pushing the other 2 cats right out of the food bowl when he wants to eat and loves his peanut butter! I still worry about all of my babies, even more since losing Maxwell.
post #7 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by jwheeler View Post
I have no idea why this happened and I think it's very strange that it happened EXACTLY one month to the day since he died. Maybe it was the NyQuil I took before going to bed for my cold. I just don't know.
I'm sorry for your loss... I had a similar (though less dramatic) experience when I lost my first cat.

NyQuil is the all around favorite cold/flu treatment in my household, so I've taken it quite a bit. One of the active drugs in it is Dextromethorphan, frequently referred to as DXM. If you read the wikipedia article I've linked to, you'll find that it has some pretty interesting side effects (it's a hallucinogen). I too have had some strange moments when taking the stuff... usually when I'm a little too liberal with dosage size...

But more to the point... I'm very sorry for your loss and pain.
post #8 of 9
It's still early days, and your emotions for Max are still raw But your certainly not crazy, your still grieving
post #9 of 9
Thread Starter 
I definitely am still grieving. I just feel so much guilt not knowing how he died and wondering if I could have prevented it somehow, but I honestly had no idea that anything was even wrong with him. He had been acting completely normal the night before and he was gone the next morning. I miss him more than I ever thought possible. I think about him multiple, multiple times a day. I miss getting into bed at night and not having him come running and jump in bed with me and sleep with me all night long. I miss him stretching out across my legs so that I couldn't even move and if I tried to move him, he always would let out a little growl. I just miss him not being there. He was always with me. I work from home and he slept in my office all day while I worked. I have had cats all my life, but Max was the first cat that DH and I had together and he just had such a strong personality and was such a character. Everyone who ever met Max loved him immediately. Finding him dead that morning was one of the single worst experiences of my life. I don't think I have ever been in so much shock before. There will never be another cat like him.



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