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writing a letter..i need advice

post #1 of 10
Thread Starter 
Ok, so this may get a little long but i have to so it makes sense.

I "had" a friend named Robin...her and i were best friends all thru school(starting in 8th grade) and i am 31 so if that tells u anything anyhoo-we always had our ups-n-downs but always over came them..no matter what....

She gets married, yada yada, her hubby(now ex) and i and my hubby all become friends and so on...well they spilt in Feb of this year, and her and i still talk...then she meets another guy and i am like now. She totally changed, i mean quit smoking,drinking,etc, which is cool but now she totally ignores me We havent spoken since March 17. 9 mos now we havent talked!! She wont wave to me if she sees me..she had her phone number changed as well. I guess all this time i have kinda just hid my feelings,but deep down my heart aches. I miss her so much...

i want to write her a letter, but what do i say? idk if she will even read it!!?

What do i do?? I know deep down she probly misses me, she has to. How could you be friends with someone THAT long and then just decide one day you dont like them?!?! I dont get it....

Sorry for such a long post but had to be done....

oh yeah and she married the guy in june....like 3-4 mos after thy met.
post #2 of 10
You write what is in your heart.... Down to the T. Without rehearsals... Try not to think about what to write - just listen to your heart and transcribe the words.
You deserve to tell her your true feelings, and she deserves the chance to "listen" to you.
Of course this is my opinion only...
post #3 of 10
Tell her you will always be her friend unconditionally, no matter what the two of you go through, your friendship is a rock.

Sounds like she is not thinking clearly and is not in her "right" mind during this time in her life. I hope her husband isn't abusive - usually abusers try to alienate their victims from friends and family.

Try not to take her actions personally... she is acting/reacting to what is going on in her life and you have nothing or very little to do with her current situation. Please just tell her you will always be her friend. It sounds like one day in the future she is really going to need you.

Bless you for being such a good friend.
post #4 of 10
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by carolinalima View Post
You write what is in your heart.... Down to the T. Without rehearsals... Try not to think about what to write - just listen to your heart and transcribe the words.
You deserve to tell her your true feelings, and she deserves the chance to "listen" to you.
Of course this is my opinion only...
thank you for your opinion i am so bad with writing letters. i rehearse it in my head but then it comes to write i am blank...
post #5 of 10
Quote:
Originally Posted by carolinalima View Post
You write what is in your heart.... Down to the T. Without rehearsals... Try not to think about what to write - just listen to your heart and transcribe the words.
You deserve to tell her your true feelings, and she deserves the chance to "listen" to you.
Of course this is my opinion only...
I agree completely! Don't think, just feel and write. Don't worry about how it sounds, just say how your feel; tell her how much she means to you and let it go from there. Sometimes friends grow apart due to different circumstances, etc, and sometime people don't realize they are alienating their own friends (especially with marrige). That doesn't mean she still isn't your friend or that she doesn't care about you. She needs to know how you feel. Sometimes its easier for me to type because my hands can usually keep up with my thoughts. So, if you don't know her email....type it on the computer and send it...don't check for spelling or grammer errors....just send it.
post #6 of 10
It is wrong that she has not spoken to you about things, but here is a different perspective. About 4 years ago, I looked at my life, my relationships, and the people around me. I was unhappy. I drank, smoked, and was a partier (went out at least twice a week, threw house parties etc). One day I realize that I was going nowhere living my life like this, and that some of my friends werent truly my friends, they were people who enjoyed drinking, smoking, and partying with me. I needed to change that part of my life and I did, but those friends...well they ended up discarded. Maybe your friend thinks you just want to drink/smoke/party/behave in the "old" ways with her, and that she has moved on or "grown out of" that type of behaviour. Maybe she spends a lot of time now very interested in things you traditionally wanted nothing to do with (this happened with me, as I got interested in things like cooking classes and I wasnt going to as 5000x for a friend to go with me if I asked 5 times and she always said no, or invited me out to the bar instead). My boyfriend is having the same problem with 2 of his friends now - they never want to play football with him, or go to the movies, but out to the bar or strippers, and theyre in every time. Im not saying this IS the case with you and your friends, but it sounds like it might be part of it. Especially if the life she is trying to move on from is the one with her old husband, who as you admit, you and your hubby are close to.
Sometimes people need to move on, but they should at least let you know why. I also have a best friend who I barely talk to because I am not prepared to handle the (fair) judging she would give me about my life right now. Maybe she is convinced you will just harp on her for leaving old hubby and jumping into new relationship and not dealing with that stress and lack of faith was more important to her than fighting to save the friendship.
I hope everything works out. Assure her that you can be her friend differently then you were before, because having her in your life is important, not the specific things you used to do together.
post #7 of 10
I agree that your bf may have changed to a healthier lifestyle, but it seems odd that she doesn't return your calls and avoids you. I wonder how new DH has been influencing her. Also, since they met and were married so quickly, do you think that she was having an affair and she can't own up about it to you? Just speculation.

Regardless, try to contact her. A letter is fine and like everyone says just do it from the heart. It is better hand-written unless you two have always written to each other electronically.

How about this? Can you send balloons, flowers, stuffed animals, with an "I miss you, let's get together and talk" message? That will let you know if she is open to talking before you poor out your heart. If she agrees, then you can just be yourself and talk. I would do this before a long letter.

If she does not return your call after the balloons, etc. I think that you should be prepared to accept that she does not want to be in the same kind of friendship that you used to have.
post #8 of 10
I have a friend that I have known since high school too.I have known her for 18 years. We had a bad arguement over something stupid and she refused to talk to me, I wrote her letters and some of the she answered were very nasty and some of them she comepletely ignored. I prayed for her to come around and it turns out while I was praying for her to come around, she was praying for me to forgive her and find a way to reconnect. One day I started sending her emails and she started responding to them. Then I quit my job and was dreading looking for another and she needed a caregiver, she called me for the first time in nine months of no speaking and asked me if I would be interested in working for her and mending our friendship. Things are much better between us and it's a blessing to get to spend time with my best friend every day.
Write the letter and wait patiently, she is probably going through a phase. I know how bad it hurts, I missed my friend so much my heart ached...sometimes you just have to step back and let things take care of themselves. Also, you should respect the changes she has made in her life.
post #9 of 10
I completely understand your dilemma, and now exactly what your feeling. It is really hard to confront someone you love in such a way, much less think about loosing them from your life. When you have such a close, long term, growing up together relationship, its family.
You should write a letter, you should take your time doing so and express everything your feeling. Why you are writing her, what you miss about your relationship, any and every emotion and concern you have. The most important reason you should do this is because you want to. Don't do it expecting a response. If there is an outside influence persuading or controlling her, she may become agitated, defensive, or indifferent to what you have to say. You can't take it personally.
post #10 of 10
Write the letter telling her you miss her and want to get together to talk. Let her know you're unhappy with the way you've drifted apart. Don't start bashing her new husband or blaming him for keeping the two of you apart. Even if it's true (or maybe especially if it's true) she is likely to become defensive and it would drive an even deeper wedge between you.
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