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I don't know how I am going to get through losing my Tazzy

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
I have posted about losing my cat, a little over a week ago, I feel like I am losing my mind at times. I am so lost without her. My kids and hubby and I adopted an adult female a few day ago who is a sweetheart and I love her and I am so glad we saved her but I do things on impulse when I am depressed, I know it was meant to be, she loves us and I am glad we did it but I can't help but feel guilty, I miss my Tazzy so much, I can't stand the thought of knowing she is not here in this house. I want to scream, move, leave, I don't know I am seriously not handling this well at all, at times I think I am going to be ok then today, it's just unbearable. How do I get through this, I feel like I need to be heavily medicated or something, I am one that does not take medicines, drink or anything and right now I feel like I don't know how to get through it, I know I need to toughen up and stop crying and think positive but I just can't today
post #2 of 19
I am so sorry for your loss. RIP Tazzy
post #3 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovecats4ever View Post
I know I need to toughen up and stop crying and think positive
No you don't. You've just lost your baby and you need time to grieve for her

If you want to cry, then go ahead and cry, it's all natural how your feeling.

Just take one day at a time, and if any friends or family think that after a few weeks you should be over it ignore them, because that's not how it works. You may feel better, but it's going to take time for your heart to heal.

Talk to Tazzy because she's watching over you And were all here as well to lend a shoulder when you need one
post #4 of 19
There is nothing wrong with crying.
I cried last week because it was 1 year since Stormy was pts and then yesterday I picked up a bag because I thought it was clothes and it was all my cats ashes.
Sorry you lost your cat.
I picked Meeko when Stripe was dying of crf and she turned out so much like Stripe.
I never expected her to be so much like her.
post #5 of 19
It's better to cry. Think positive thoughts about the time you had with Tazzy and that will make you cry but it is good crying. And it doesn't make you love your new girl less either. I cried for weeks over Napoleon, and having hte others helped me but didn't take away the hurt. It is so normal and you will heal in your own time, though you may still cry sometimes years down the line, when something reminds you.
post #6 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
No you don't. You've just lost your baby and you need time to grieve for her

If you want to cry, then go ahead and cry, it's all natural how your feeling.

Just take one day at a time, and if any friends or family think that after a few weeks you should be over it ignore them, because that's not how it works. You may feel better, but it's going to take time for your heart to heal.

Talk to Tazzy because she's watching over you And were all here as well to lend a shoulder when you need one
Quote:
Originally Posted by jennyranson View Post
It's better to cry. Think positive thoughts about the time you had with Tazzy and that will make you cry but it is good crying. And it doesn't make you love your new girl less either. I cried for weeks over Napoleon, and having hte others helped me but didn't take away the hurt. It is so normal and you will heal in your own time, though you may still cry sometimes years down the line, when something reminds you.
What they both said. It takes as long as it takes. Please be gentle with yourself.

RIP sweet Tazzy
post #7 of 19
Rosiemac and jennyranson really hit the nail on the head.

It has always been hard for me to deal with pain like this, too.
So many times in my life when it came time to face very sad times, I just couldnt. As I got older, I realized that its the healthy way to be able to grieve, no matter how painful. Let yourself grieve, dont hold it in, I promise you, time does heal. You will never replace or forget your Tazzy. As Jenny said, there will be times, later down the road, that her memory will bring so many tears, but that is from the love that you have for her.

We all do understand the love for our beloved felines who wrap their paws so tightly around our hearts, forever. All of us are so truly blessed to be loved by a cat, we truly are.
post #8 of 19
I missed your original thread, and I am SO sorry to hear Tazzy passed on!

You loved her deeply, so your grief is tremendous. Cry. Think of your wonderful times. Ignore those who don't understand. This is ALL great advice!

And come here to talk about her, to vent, and to get lots of understanding and hugs.



Laurie
post #9 of 19
Thread Starter 
I don't know how I can go on without her, I have children so I know I have to move forward but as low as I feel, I just don't know how I can deal with this everyday,I miss her that much
post #10 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovecats4ever View Post
I don't know how I can go on without her, I have children so I know I have to move forward but as low as I feel, I just don't know how I can deal with this everyday,I miss her that much
Every thing is so very raw right now, and christmas won't help the situation either

Just talking about Tazzy is therapy for you, and that's what were here for Tell us more about Tazzy?!, such as when she was a kitten etc..., and show us pictures of your little girl
post #11 of 19
Guilt, and the self doubt and other awful feelings and thoughts that it can create, can be a terrible thing. The guilt we feel when our actions are connected, no matter how remotely, to the loss of a loved one, can be the darkest and most horrible feeling in the world. To add that guilt to the already heart-shattering loss is unbearable. I'm so sorry...

With Tazzy's declawing, you only did what you thought was best. It was an act of love, to try to make your life with your loved one more livable. When any vet does a declawing and they don't know or inform you of the possible medical and emotional repercussions, they've committed a horrible evil. But that's been covered already. By taking their counsel, you leave yourself and your loved one in the hands of a professional. We do the same thing, frequently, with more mundane issues like our plumbing, electrical wiring, cars, and even our own bodies through our human doctors. It's only natural to expect that the professional truly knows what's best. The tragedy of declawing will continue until it is prevented through legislation or self-regulation from within the veterinary community.

Anyway, there's nothing you or I or anyone can do to change what we did yesterday. Our actions in the past are done, set in stone, left to stand for the ages, for better or for worse. Tazzy's loss must be terrible... it makes me sad for you, and I'm sure many others feel likewise. All here share your pain. But the guilt of feeling responsible can weigh on us like a heavy mantle. Please don't bear that mantle along with the burden of loss.

Like Rosiemac said, tell us more about your sweet friend. Post about her, and tell the world what she was like and how you loved her so that her memory may live forever.
post #12 of 19
Thread Starter 
My husband and I got married right out of high school, we got an apartment and wanted a cat, my mom said down the road there was a farm giving away free kittens so we went and picked Tazzy out.

She road in the car with us when we left our apartment, she would crawl up on the dash, we would go through drive thrus and people would say how cute she was.

She would attack us at night, playful attacks, she did it the first night we had her so we named her after Tazmanian Devil because she would run around and act crazy for fun.

She comforted me when I was pregnant with my first son, my husband was away in the Marines and she laid by my side and meowed at me when I cried and rubbed up against me.

She loved pork pieces that are in chinese rice, we would throw her a piece she would play with it and then eat it.

I can't go on right now because this is killing me to talk about her, I love you Tazzy and can't get over this.
post #13 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by ilovecats4ever View Post
we named her after Tazmanian Devil because she would run around and act crazy for fun.
Ah, so that's how she got her name!

You just take your time, and when you feel a bit stronger share some more about Tazzy with us These are the memories that will be with you forever, and as long as you still think of Tazzy she won't ever be gone
post #14 of 19
I am so sorry you are feeling such a deep pain. I can understand it though. I still get teary eyed talking about cats I lost over the years. Like Pami said some wrap themselves so strongly around our hearts. Reading this thread really got to me too. Thanks for sharing. It will get better with time and I'm glad you got the new kitty.
post #15 of 19
You don't have to toughen up -- you're grieving a loved one.

Grief can be very frightening because it's so overwhelming but in my experience, all we can do is go through it and let time slowly do its work. I don't think it ever "goes away" completely; it just becomes more of a whisper than a scream -- but that takes time.

I'm sorry about your loss.
post #16 of 19
Last Friday I lost my wonderful peerless cat Diablo. After 18 years and 3 months of his company I too am desperately sad and missing him. My heart goes out to you, and I share with you the very deep grief of losing a beloved friend and companion cat.

I know that he is better where he is now, no more pain from arthritis, not feeling ill from kidney disease, whole and hearty and healthy. I see him romping and hunting, sleeping and streching and just enjoying his life again.
I imagine metal pictures of him, round the house, doing things like jumping and climbing that had become too hard for him in his last week of life.

Think on how well Tazzy must feel now in her spirit body - no pains, no ills. And remember she can visit you anytime she likes in your dreams, or even in spirit. Imagine her with you when you need her to be there - and she will be there.

For myself, my comfort, and perhaps this will comfort you too, is my belief that animals can come back - reincarnate if you will. There are many wonderful stories of people who's animals come back to them for a second life with them - sometimes in a similar body, sometime in a different body. But the owners always notice the animal does something only the previous animal would know to do, or did.

I know my Diablo will return to me one day in the form of a kitten or a young cat. I keep my eyes wide open and my heart for his return.

Keep your heart and mind open, and one day, Tazzy will find you again. In the meantime, hold the good memories close, imagine her in your life doing the things she loved but could no longer do as she aged. Imagine her purring next to you, and she will be there.
post #17 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
No you don't. You've just lost your baby and you need time to grieve for her

If you want to cry, then go ahead and cry, it's all natural how your feeling.

Just take one day at a time, and if any friends or family think that after a few weeks you should be over it ignore them, because that's not how it works. You may feel better, but it's going to take time for your heart to heal.

Talk to Tazzy because she's watching over you And were all here as well to lend a shoulder when you need one
I agree you have the right to be sad. When we have these little beings as our friends it's a soul to soul bond, just b/c some people don't understand it doesn't mean you have to stop grieving. I had this little guy Redford, he was my best friend, I had other cats and a dog, but the connection between me and Redford was love. He was six when he was killed by a car, I was 24. I couldn't even think about him for around 2 years with out crying. He visits me in dreams sometimes just to let me know he is still with me.
Willie
savannh cat
post #18 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by whansen02 View Post
He visits me in dreams sometimes just to let me know he is still with me.
That's lovely
post #19 of 19
Oh honey--- I know your grief and I can so understand.

I just lost my Sugar on 12/18. My heart is so broken and I keep thinking-- oh god do I have to wake up and feel this way again for another day. I understand. Christmas does make it hard-- doubly hard because I keep thinking the live Christmas tree had something to do with Sugar's weakening over the asthma he was diagnosed with. I have yet to be able to drag the tree back into the house. It is the association.

It is okay to cry and be sad, be angry, be guilty, be all of those things. It is normal. It would be less normal if you didn't have those feelings.

I find it so much therapy to just write it out. People on these forums know first hand how much your baby meant to you. Afterall, if they didn't--- they would not be visiting a site about cats.

Talking about loss and how you feel with people who have had to shoulder the same burden makes you feel less alone-- or that is how it makes me feel.

Another poster mentioned this earlier, and I thought I would add. I lost my soul mate horse Kitty about 4.5 years ago. I was devastated utterly devastated at putting her to sleep. I kept praying (and I am not even religious) for some kind of peace and I had a dream where I got up and went to my window and there she was. She talked to me without words, but I could hear them so clearly in my head. She told me that she had stayed with me as long as she could but now I was going to be okay (Kitty had been the rock that kept me able to pull out of a couple depressions). She told me she would make sure that she would still be there for me. And I have to tell you, I had some more rough times in those 4 years and I would get a visit from her in my dreams to give me strength and courage.

I believe life and souls are interconnected-- from one single life source which is why even when our babies pass-- there is this ability to have some connection with them still because your soul evolved due to their souls in your life.

Now, I will be honest with you-- I know all of this-- I know that Sugar will never be forgotten and I know in some way he is still near me-- but that does not mean that I still do not feel his loss so acutely. I do. The little reminders and triggers are what gets me. But, I do know that with time things will be less raw and I will be able to just express my pure love for him and i will feel his again without the cloud of hurt that surrounds it right now.
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