Extremely disappointed....help...

menagerie mama

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I am at my wits end. I need a positive nudge in the right direction. My heart is extremely heavy right now.
Two issues I am having at the moment....and I'm not bashing anyone, just trying to get ideas.
One is, since going Vegan, I have become even more aware of animal suffering because of all the research I am doing. I realize forcing these issues down peoples' throats is not the way to open their eyes, that they'll become upset and ignore me altogether. It is extremely frustrating, being an animal advocate. I can't get anyone to listen. If I post horriffic videos of extreme cruelty, nine times out of ten, people will say "I can't bring myself to watch that stuff." Yet, there they go, ordering up a steak for dinner. Or if I'm asked a question about why I am Vegan, they listen to my response but argue every point, and at the end of the conversation, shake their heads and go about their lives as if I had just told them I have decided not to eat apples because they feel pain.
And they look at me like I'm crazy, or even go as far as to roll their eyes and scoff. No remorse, nothing. I am a sensitive person, and it hurts ME that they act this way.
The second thing is, my boyfriend is addicted to purebreds.
We (he) has a Bullmastiff, and he says he will never have another kind of dog. She has allergies that make her itch herself bloody. We have tried anything and everything short of going to a raw diet. Even had her tested, which was inconclusive. By the way, I was a vet tech for 13 years, so I do have a huge grasp on these issues.
So knowing what I know about this, and the fact that I have told him so many times the horrors of the animals world, and knowing how much these issues break my heart, plus the fact that he's one of the "I can't watch that stuff" people, he now announced that he can't wait to get his kitten some day. I said what kitten? He said my Scottish Fold kitten. He said he's been looking them up all day and they go for $650.
I feel like I'm talking to walls. He will not listen to me about trying to find one at a shelter. He says he wants a baby, and thanks to Cats 101, he knows that they're expensive because one parent has to have folded ears and one has to have upright ears, and also that not all the kittens get folded ears. I said what happens to the upright eared kittens? He had nothing to say about that. Just like in one ear and out the other. Yes, I love the breed, but would only get one from a rescue.
How can I live with someone who dismisses such issues? Back on the Vegan subject, he refuses to even try any of my food.

Can anyone please help me I am so depressed about these things, and feel helpless to do anything. And if anyone knows somewhere I could get a Scottish Fold kitten other than pet finder, I have already looked there. I want to have more options when he decides it's time to get one. Although, I have a feeling he'll just go behind my back and get one from a pet store or some other horriffic place.
 

swampwitch

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My advice is to live your life with integrity and teach by example. In either of the instances you talk about, lectures aren't going to work.

You might want to keep in mind that a vegan diet is not for everybody. I was a vegetarian for moral reasons for 19 years and had to start eating meat again because of health issues. I won't go into details here (unless asked) but I had no choice.

(It would be good for you to find some like-minded people to hang around with, too, that would help with the frustration you are feeling.) Good luck!
 
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menagerie mama

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Originally Posted by SwampWitch

My advice is to live your life with integrity and teach by example. In either of the instances you talk about, lectures aren't going to work.

You might want to keep in mind that a vegan diet is not for everybody. I was a vegetarian for moral reasons for 19 years and had to start eating meat again because of health issues. I won't go into details here (unless asked) but I had no choice.

(It would be good for you to find some like-minded people to hang around with, too, that would help with the frustration you are feeling.) Good luck!
I am trying my best. I stopped lecturing. I have joined a Vegan forum to get support on that issue. Thank you.
 

naia

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I've come to realize that most people already have their mind set on the whole meat issue. Most people get very defensive and sometimes very rude when it's brought up. I've learned to just let it be and not talk about it. If they eat pork, then they eat pork. It's not my business what they eat, and it's not their business what I eat. No matter how I feel about it, they will continue to do so.

I wouldn't think less of anyone based on their food choice. I've been in your shoes before, getting those looks from people and everything. Some think you're a lesser person. I've learned to not let it bother me.

Hope you feel better.
 

natalie_ca

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My advice is to live your life the way you want to and let others live theirs the way they want to. Nothing alienates people more than a zealot trying to shove their ways and beliefs down their throats.

You can't change what people say or do, all you can do is change how you react to it. So live your life according to your moral code and stop trying to change the way others live theirs. You'll all be much happier in the end.
 
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menagerie mama

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Easier said than done. I have a hard time hardening myself to suffering of any kind. I have tried to stop preaching. One thing I just learned is to live by example, as Swampwitch said.
 

catmom2wires

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When someone asks if I've become vegetarian for "health reasons" (I have a form of muscular dystrophy) I simply answer "Yes, for mine and the health of the animals I am no longer eating." Most just giggle or laugh, but I've had a couple of folks who have asked me to discuss it further. Otherwise, I just drop it.

Good luck with your boyfriend. That's a tough one.

Cally
 

strange_wings

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The way I see it, humans evolved on a hunter gather diet. If anything extensive agriculture and dairy is not normal to our diets. This is why most of the world's population is lactose intolerant and eating too much grains have cause health issues (it's not really normal to eat a lot of grain products with every single meal).
But what you eat is your business. If you expect others to respect that, you must respect their choices as well - this includes not trying to force vegan propaganda on them. This doesn't change people minds, and may even make them resent you.

Does your boyfriend look at any funny cat stuff online? Like the Lolcatz stuff? I suspect that could be the source of his Scottish Fold fascination. Scottish Folds along with a few other breeds have those rounder heads that make them look more kitten like even when older - probably something else he likes.... but at the end of the day it's still a cat that needs to be fed, groomed, and the litter box scooped.
I'd remind him of that bit if I were you.
In fact, remind him soon - tell him if he wants a kitten he's on litter box duty for the next few weeks.

I don't understand the bit about him not eating your food. As long as it tastes good, vegan or not, I'd gladly eat your food.
 

KittenKrazy

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As a former purebred breeder, I can tell you what happens to the kittens who's ears are upright.......if the breeder is a good one! They can be sold as the "straight" sire or dam for someone who has a folded ear, or they can be sold as "pet quality" at a cheaper price for those who just love the breed and don't mind if the ears are folded or not.


And FWIW.......I'll make a deal with you.....I won't lump all vegans together in "ding a ling" category if you won't lump all breeders in a "bad person, kitty mill" category...;-) Deal?
 

rubsluts'mommy

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You've had good tips and advice on the vegan issue... so I'll weigh in on the Scottish Fold thing... have you googled "Scottish Fold" and Rescue together? I just did that and found a few websites of formal rescues that rescue and rehome Folds. There's one in Florida, a bit far, but there are transport services available. I know, after watching that same episode, that I want one as well, and if I have the money, I will look into adopting from a rescue when I'm ready to get one. I know you mention that he wants a kitten, but as a shelter volunteer, kittens are more trouble than they're worth! Cute, yes, but man, they are nuts... but you already know this... it's convincing him that is what is needed. The rescues are out there... here's the main one in Florida:

http://scottishfoldrescue.homestead.com/

Hope this helps!

Amanda
 

abbycats

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Originally Posted by KittenKrazy

As a former purebred breeder, I can tell you what happens to the kittens who's ears are upright.......if the breeder is a good one! They can be sold as the "straight" sire or dam for someone who has a folded ear, or they can be sold as "pet quality" at a cheaper price for those who just love the breed and don't mind if the ears are folded or not.
I had Scottish folds years ago and one of them was a straight eared boy. The breeder sold the straight eared kittens/cats at a cheaper price. There is nothing wrong with somebody who wants to buy a purebred cat/dog.

As far as Vegetarian vs meat eater that is personal choice. I don't agree with the cruelty either, that needs to be addressed to the people who are treating these animals so bad.
 
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menagerie mama

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Originally Posted by RubSluts'Mommy

You've had good tips and advice on the vegan issue... so I'll weigh in on the Scottish Fold thing... have you googled "Scottish Fold" and Rescue together? I just did that and found a few websites of formal rescues that rescue and rehome Folds. There's one in Florida, a bit far, but there are transport services available. I know, after watching that same episode, that I want one as well, and if I have the money, I will look into adopting from a rescue when I'm ready to get one. I know you mention that he wants a kitten, but as a shelter volunteer, kittens are more trouble than they're worth! Cute, yes, but man, they are nuts... but you already know this... it's convincing him that is what is needed. The rescues are out there... here's the main one in Florida:

http://scottishfoldrescue.homestead.com/

Hope this helps!

Amanda
Thank you, Amanda! I will show him this. Yes, I have had many kittens and he has never had a kitten so he doesn't know the trouble they can be. (They can be wonderful too, I know.) He actually does all the box scooping so that's not an issue.
Thank you to all who replied. As I stated in my first post, I am not bashing anyone, I am simply trying to get ideas of how to lift my spirits about the horrible issues. My problem does not lie with breeders or meat/dairy eaters. It lies with the fact that I can't reach anyone on the subject of how many animals die in shelters, and why not save one instead of buy one (surely, breeder or not, I would think anyone could support this thought?) and how animals in the food industry are treated, hey why not have a veggie meal and save a cow?
I truly don't feel I'm a ding a ling for wanting to save 100 animals a year, which is about what a person eats in a year.
But I am getting riled up and off track.
AGAIN. Not bashing. Wanting help through a difficult time that is hurting my soul, is all. Thank you to everyone and anyone who is willing to empathize with me, and offer friendly advice.
 
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menagerie mama

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Originally Posted by KittenKrazy

As a former purebred breeder, I can tell you what happens to the kittens who's ears are upright.......if the breeder is a good one! They can be sold as the "straight" sire or dam for someone who has a folded ear, or they can be sold as "pet quality" at a cheaper price for those who just love the breed and don't mind if the ears are folded or not.
Thank you for that thought. That makes me feel better about that.
 

KittenKrazy

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Originally Posted by menagerie mama

I truly don't feel I'm a ding a ling for wanting to save 100 animals a year, which is about what a person eats in a year.
'nope, you're well read and educated on the whole subject....but trust me, I know a lot who are "ding a lings" about it, they don't have any other reason than "its stylish" or something like that, y'know? (of course that can be said for lots of other causes too, lol!)
 
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menagerie mama

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Originally Posted by KittenKrazy

'nope, you're well read and educated on the whole subject....but trust me, I know a lot who are "ding a lings" about it, they don't have any other reason than "its stylish" or something like that, y'know? (of course that can be said for lots of other causes too, lol!)
Oh yes, I know what you mean!
 

pookieboy

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Originally Posted by menagerie mama

AGAIN. Not bashing. Wanting help through a difficult time that is hurting my soul, is all. Thank you to everyone and anyone who is willing to empathize with me, and offer friendly advice.
And definately an 'old' soul you are too! You are an
in my opinion. You will absolutely meet a lot of soul mates on that forum you joined.

Good luck and God Bless.
 
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menagerie mama

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Originally Posted by PookieBoy

And definately an 'old' soul you are too! You are an
in my opinion. You will absolutely meet a lot of soul mates on that forum you joined.

Good luck and God Bless.
You know, I have been called an old soul many times before. I take that as a great compliment. Thank you.
 

nurseangel

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I hope I don't sound like a smart-aleck, because I don't mean to...With that being said, please don't be too hard on your boyfriend. He's probably a nice guy (or you probably wouldn't have chosen him to begin with), even though he doesn't feel as strongly about the things you believe in. Hang in there, stick to your convictions, and the next time somebody rolls their eyes at you over dinner, just consider the source. God bless and good luck
 

catsknowme

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Sending you lots and lots of prayers and vibes of encouragment
I understand how frustrated you are feeling
You are doing a good job, and living to a socially moral level and I salute you for it

As for your BF, I can tell that you at least respect his opinions because he isn't afraid to voice them to you. And I can respect his opinion about obtaining (not necessarily buying) a purebred dog because dog breeds are more about inherent traits than any other species, and he does seem willing to pay a good price from a reputable breeder. It's those folks who want a certain breed at a bargain price that keep the bybs in business
 
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