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Rotten Thanksgiving--need some advice, please

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
Some of you may remember the post from last Christmas about going to my in-laws (I hate the long trip there, and have a severe phobia about mountains, but I did go, as it was important to them).

Ok, my husband and I were to go today to the in-laws for Thanksgiving. I actually was looking forward to the trip (a little bit), as I could knit in the car, and I was excited to see my in-laws. Well, when I woke up, I felt nauseous and achy. I did not say anything to hubby, and cheerfully set off on our 3 hour trip. About 30 minutes into the trip, I saw a gas station, and asked him to pull in so I could use the bathroom. As soon as I got there, I had to vomit (I RARELY vomit, even when nauseous, and, when I get nervous, I don*t get nauseous, just sweaty in the palms. When I vomit, it always means I have a virus, etc.). My guts burned and felt so awful, and I was light-headed, then dizzy. To put it bluntly, I felt like crap. I just wanted to go home, and get into bed, and get wamr (I later foudn I had a low-grade fever). I just couldn't bear the thought of 2.5 more hours in the car, then another 3 hours home. I said to him, "Please just drop me off at home, and you can go to see your family. I think I will be ok alone, and I don't want you to miss out on Thanksgving." Well, he got very angry, and started getting on me about sucking it up, and being a wimp. He did take me home, but complained all the way, acting as if it were my fault I was sick. (BTW, I just got up. I managed to eat 3 tiny dinner rolls all day without vomiting; I had the chills, and my teeth were chattering, and had the runs.) He has been there all day. I must admit I was angry that he couldn't even call me once during the day to see if I was ok, so I called him to see what time he was coming home, and I lost it, and complained to him. He shot back, "I can't talk now. I have guests." Then I REALLY lost it, and told him the guest room at home was free for him to sleep in if he did come home tonight. "Guests"? Since when do "guests" take precedence over one's spouse? If it had been me, I probaably would've stayed home to take care of him; if I did go, I would've been worried about him all the time, and would have checked up on him. I really think he's blaming me. He also hung up on me, and I have been trying to call him, and someone picked up the call, but then hung up, and he won't answer. (OK, I did leave a very mean measage after he hung up on me, telling him how dare he do that, etc.) I finally called his Mom, and asked her if she could ask him to call me (I explained that I was very sick, and was sorry I couldn't get there--she was very sweet about it, and said she would tell him to call me. That was nearly 2 hours ago. No call.

I really don't need this right now. I feel sick enough as it is...I wonder if he will even come home tonight. The problem is, I love him, but I am very, very angry with him. Every time he pukes (he often does after a restaurant meal, as he insists on having coffee creamer, which makes him sick), I act sympathetic, even holding his head for him when he vomits in the parking lot/on the roadside. When I get sick, he has no compassion--the big, tough Marine thinks I'm a wimp.

Thanks for listening. I'm really upset right now. It's been a horrible day.
post #2 of 13
IMO, it's time for a serious sit down. My hubby would NEVER treat me that way and Lord forbid if he ever did! The locks would be changed and he'd be sleeping at his moms house until he could apologize and treat me the way I deserved to be.
He's always worried about me when I'm sick. Though I honestly hate it when he calls because he interrupts my sleeping. But at least he's worried about me.
I call him all the time through out the day to make sure he's ok if he's sick.

I think (and this is my opinion honestly) in a relationship, it's a give and take. It's good that you're worried about your hubby if he's sick, but he should return the favor if he cares in the least. I would blow a gasket if my hubby said what yours did. I'd be blowing up his cell and leaving all kinds of messages about how uncaring and what a donkeys butt he was. If he doesn't come home tonight, I'd seriously be rethinking your relationship. But that's just my opinion.

BTW: I'm sorry your sick. It sucks. I hope you feel better fast.
post #3 of 13
All I can offer you right now is a long distance hug right now, hon......I'm so tired tonight I can't even type straight.....but will come back and re read this in the morning.....but (((((hugs)))) for now, and I'm sorry you're feeling ill!
post #4 of 13
Thread Starter 
He did call back. His parents are upset with me, though his Mom pretended to be sympathetic on the phone, and had emailed me earlier in the day. Apparently, she was crying because I didn't show up (gee, maybe I shouldn't cancel that concert tour of mine, and disappoint my fans! Had no idea I was sooo popular, and people are brought to tears if I don't show up somewhere...) I think it's a control thing with his family. They want to show off their newest DIL (the last one, married to his brother, was a real doozy, so I feel as if I'm compared to her all the time, and have to show that I am better--the perfect DIL). Now his family are angry with me.

On top of it, nobody from my "real" family, including my Mom, even called today to wish me a happy Thanksgiving.

I am so sick and tired of both families right now. I can't seem to please ANYONE.

Thanks for your good wishes, and advice. It made me feel a little better.
post #5 of 13
I am sorry you had such an awful Thanksgiving and that he and his family treated you that way. Maybe you need to remind them that Thanksgiving isn't about the meal and the gathering, it's about being grateful for what you have been given. I would ask him how he would feel if he were sick and you took off on him when he needed you. You can also ask them if they would have liked to have caught what you had...some people are so selfish. Get some rest, don't fret over him, and I hope you feel better... I had an ex-husband who was like that and his family was too.
post #6 of 13
Oh, dear. Please feel better. Drink fluids and rest.

And yes, you should have a very clear-cut discussion with your husband about things.
post #7 of 13
I am so sorry but that sounds like how my ex husband treated me he went to a party and stayed till four the next day with me laid up with a broken leg. But there was other stuff going on too. I hope you feel better and if you need it I have a rolling pin you can borrow.
post #8 of 13
Sorry you're having such a rough day. I hope you feel better soon.

Yes, you need to have a serious talk with your husband about what happened today. But tonight's not the time to make any big decisions or change any locks or anything else. Take it from someone who's learned the hard way...everything seems worse when you feel so terrible. I know what they say about not going to bed angry, but believe me, it's better to have a rational conversation later than a horrible fight when you aren't feeling well.
post #9 of 13
Did you ring his mum up when you got home to apologise for not turning up? If not, they may have been upset that you didn't tell them yourself.

Sorry you're feeling sick, and it sounds like you got pretty angry as well which is understandable given how bad you feel. I think you guys need to have a big talk tomorrow!
post #10 of 13
I agree with everyone else---you and hubby need to have a sit-down.
If I may make another suggestion? If you feel up to it, you could call your in-laws and let them know how much you missed seeing them yesterday. In all fiarness, it should be them calling you to make sure you're ok, but a phone call from you might help to soothe their ruffled feathers a little.
I hate to ask, but is going there for Christmas an option?
Hope you're feeling much better soon .
post #11 of 13
Some guys have a hard time with emotions and a hard time showing them (especially a service guy). I feel he owes you a big apology for his actions, but you probably won't get it.

However, after you are feeling better, maybe write him a letter explaining how you felt and that you were really hurt by his actions towards you. Sorry you got sick (wasn't your fault) and had to deal with his insensitivity.

Hope things will be better soon for both of you.
post #12 of 13
I don't have any advice but you deserve better treatment from your husband. Would his family want you to come and get everybody sick? You did the right thing; husband and family need to get over it. I sure hope they sent some food home for you to have as you get better.
post #13 of 13
I'm sorry you had such a rotten Thanksgiving. Sounds like you have a bad flu! I wonder how happy your MIL would be if you came and then everyone got sick caught the flu from you? Have a talk with hubby about this. And maybe call your MIL and tell her that not only where you sick but you were thinking about everyone elses well fare and did not want them sick also.
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