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Rough draft of the speech

post #1 of 5
Thread Starter 
This is just a rough draft. i have not really put it into order, ya know where it sounds more fluid. And then there is the chance I might right this and as I read it add stuff in that comes from the heart at the time. This is an overview of what they look for in the speech:

Talk about what you want to do with your life. Education objectives and career aspirations, etc.
Talk about what the program has done for me.
Talk about why you enrolled in the program.
Talk about qualities or skills that would make you a good spokesperson for adult education in Georgia.
Talk about anything that you may have led, initiated or created something that required leadership.
Talk about leadership or supervisory roles at school, work or community.

This is like the 3rd one I wrote and so far like the best once I get order and such down.

**Before I entered this program my goals was just to get a job. I did not care what that job was or how bad it was. But since going through this program that has changed. I now want a that is good enough to support my family without struggling. I want to earn enough to be able to buy a home for my family instead of renting for the rest of our lives. I want to make an impact on others, I want to show them anything is possible if only we try. And the skills that I learned in this program can help me achieve all that and more.
The adult education program changed how I feel about myself. Before entering this program I had a can't attitude. "I can't do math." "I can't write essays." "I can't get a higher education." "I can't get a good job." Now that has changed. I know that yes I can do all that and more if I just try. What helped me see that was the help and encouragement that I got not just from the teachers but other students in the class. We all share a common bond and everyone in the class wants to see everyone succeed.
I enrolled in this program because I wanted an education. I wanted to do better with my life. I believed I could do great things but I needed a stable foundation on which to start. And deep down I knew this program could help me with that.
To be a good spokesperson you need compassion, sincerity, have good ideas, and be willing to help people I believe I have those qualities. I have always been one to help people, even when things in my life may be rough. I have compassion towards people. I can see where they are and what they are going through. I am there for a shoulder to cry on, to listen, and offer advice if needed. I have ideas on how to improve lots of things. Tho there are times when money is an issue, I believe compromises can be made. All we have to do is put our minds together.
A month or so back in class we had a student that did a lot to disturb the class. This student had been talked to a lot about the behavior but still he did not change his behavior. A lot of other students were becoming very frustrated with the on going situation. One day I stood up in front of the whole class and said something about the behavior. I did not stand up just because I was frustrated but because this behavior was hurting the whole class. True that maybe that was not the best way to handle the situation ,and hindsight is 20/20, I do not regret what I did. Many people came to me and thanked me for saying something to get the behavior to stop. In that moment I showed courage to stand up for the right thing. I stood up for others rights to learn in peace. And no one would ever be able to take that away from me.**

Granted this is the first time I have ever had to write and give a speech. And I feel confident in this if I can get the order and fluid just right.
post #2 of 5
That sounds very good for just a "rough draft"!
post #3 of 5
Thread Starter 
One thing I a still have to think on is the order and flow. Does anyone have suggestions on parargraph order?

BTW thank Jcat for the compliment. This is like the 3rd or 4th one I wrote and I like this one better than the others.
post #4 of 5
I, too, think your speech sounds great! One bit of advice: read it aloud as you proofread. I really do hope you win!
post #5 of 5
Very good draft. A few suggestions (and this is just my opinion). In the paragraph you are talking about being a good spokesperson, you may want to make it more personal. Explain that you have already experienced this and highlight what OTHER people have done for you (helping you, mentoring you, ie giving credit to the program and saying how it inhanced you and you skills) and how much you learned and that you can add that experience to you already existing leader skills. Does that make sense? That may have a bigger impact.

Also, when it comes to the idiot in your class....you may not want to explain that fully. I would refer to it in general as in "I realize that education is most important, and did everything in my power to keep the class focused on the matters at hand instead of getting caught up in trivial matters that had nothing to do with education". PLEASE don't quote me, this is just off the top of my head. But, it may not be the best thing to do to say in a speech that you were openly confrontational with another student. (I remember the thread and I was behind you 100% but...this is different).

I hope you don't take offense to any of this. I agree, a speech read out loud is completely different than what it sounds like here. Just practice and practice, but I think you have a great basis here!
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