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Anyone wanna help me study for GED essay writing

post #1 of 9
Thread Starter 
Well Monday is the big day for finishing my GED. Even though I can write a pretty good essay I feel I still need some practice. Here is an online site of sample topics. Please pick one on the list and I will type an essay on that topic: http://abeged.com/essaytopics.html

I would pick myself but I fear I would pick an easy one and what challenge is there in that.

Here is a grading rubric for the GED essay. You can get a grade between 1 and 4. 2 people grade it and the average is the score. I have been averaging a 3-3.5. http://www.unm.edu/~tinan/writing/rubric.htm

The first to people to post gets to grade the 1st topic. If there are any more posts or topics, I will pick the next topic and next to posters to grade that essay if they wish. And so on until I get bored or there are no other posters.

Thanks Guys.
post #2 of 9
Good for you, Ping, for going after this.

I chose question #6, mostly because I think it would be an interesting question to answer for myself. If you were given one million dollars to spend how would you spend it? You cannot use it for yourself, family members, or friends.

post #3 of 9
Thread Starter 
Good topic. There is a 45min limit on writing the real essay. So give me about 45mins.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldyCat View Post
Good for you, Ping, for going after this.

I chose question #6, mostly because I think it would be an interesting question to answer for myself. If you were given one million dollars to spend how would you spend it? You cannot use it for yourself, family members, or friends.

post #4 of 9
Thread Starter 
A Million Dollar donation
By: Ping

There are so many things I could do if I had a million dollars, its hard to know where to begin. Add to that all the things other would want me to do with a million dollars. I suppose the top three things would be; give a third to Smile Train, a third to a local animal shelter, and a third to Habitat for Humanity. These are three things near and dear to my heart.

\t

The first place I would donate to is Smile Train. This is a organization that is near to me because of my son. They give donate money to third world countries so child can live without cleft palates and/or lips. They also provide training for these doctors to perform these complicated surgeries. Just to see the smile on a child face knowing they no longer have to live with the cleft makes this donation extra special.

\t

The second place I would donate towards is a local animal shelter. I live in a rural area where shelters are under staffed, under funded, and over run. With this money they could enlarge there shelter, hire more employees and start more community awareness programs. These would go so far for our rural community and its smallest residents. This would warm my heart like nothing else.

\t

The last place I would donate to would be Habitat for Humanity. This organization does so much for under privledge families. They help them get affordable, decent housing that they own. Plus they help to clean up some of the worst neighborhoods in towns. They also help people learn how to budget their money better and that goes a long way. I know people would be grateful to have help from a place such as this.

\t

As can be seen I have quite a plateful if I had a million dollars to donate. But I would not feel one bit bad donating to these place. All of these places help the less fortunate ones in one way or another. And that means a lot to me because people have always been there to help me and my family in one way or another. And I would feel great about giving that help back to the community.

post #5 of 9
I would give you a 3.4 on this essay. Do you want specific comments or just the score?
post #6 of 9
Thread Starter 
Yes comments are welcome. Anything that I could improve would be most helpful.
post #7 of 9
A Million Dollar donation
By: Ping

There are so many things I could do if I had a million dollars, it’s hard to know where to begin. Add to that all the things others would want me to do with a million dollars. I suppose the top three things would be{;}: give a third to Smile Train, a third to a local animal shelter, and a third to Habitat for Humanity. These are three things near and dear to my heart.


The first place I would donate to is Smile Train. This is a organization that is near to me because of my son, who has . . .. They give donated money to third world countries so children can live without cleft palates and/or lips. They also provide training for {these} doctors to perform these complicated surgeries. Just to see the smile on a child’s face knowing {they} he or she no longer {have} has to live with the cleft makes this donation extra special.

The second place I would donate towards is a local animal shelter. I live in a rural area where shelters are under staffed, under funded, and overrun with rescue animals. With this money they could enlarge {there} their shelter, hire more employees, and start more community awareness programs. These would go so far for our rural community and its smallest residents. This would warm my heart like nothing else.

The last place I would donate to would be Habitat for Humanity. This organization does so much for {under privledge} underprivileged families. They help them get affordable, decent housing that they own. Plus they help to clean up some of the worst neighborhoods in towns. They also help people learn how to budget their money better and that goes a long way. I know people would be grateful to have help from a place such as this.

As can be seen I have quite a plateful if I had a million dollars to donate. But I would not feel one bit bad donating to these place. All of these places help the less fortunate ones in one way or another. {And} That means a lot to me because people have always been there to help {me and} my family and me in one way or another, and I would feel great about giving that help back to the community.

Most of my marks are spelling or grammar corrections, with just a couple of suggestions for clarifying a sentence. I can't do a strike-through, so used red {} around words that should be deleted.

How much leeway to you have on the 200-word requirement? If you need to cut some, take out the second sentence of the first paragraph and the second sentence of the last paragraph.

The work is well organized and flows well from one topic to another, so I know you can write well under pressure (time limit)
. However, the first sentences of the paragraphs in the body of your essay are repetitive. Some variation would make it more interesting and show your grasp of vocabulary as well.

Examples:
1. My first donation would be to Smile Train.
2. The second recipient would be a local animal shelter.
3. Finally, I would make a donation to Habitat for Humanity.

Sorry if this is more than you wanted. I've belonged to a writers' critique group for years and sometimes get carried away with the editing.
post #8 of 9
Thread Starter 
None of our practice GED essays in class had a 200 word or less requirement. So I am unsure if that is actually how it is done on the test.

his/her is a big one I always miss because I just do not get that rule.
: ; I was unsure which to use.

At least I did not leave out any words.
post #9 of 9
Quote:
Originally Posted by Ping View Post
None of our practice GED essays in class had a 200 word or less requirement. So I am unsure if that is actually how it is done on the test.

his/her is a big one I always miss because I just do not get that rule.
: ; I was unsure which to use.

At least I did not leave out any words.
: is used when you name a topic then follow it with a list of things that fit into the topic. The ; could have been used in place of the comma between your three things in the list, but is not required.

You have "child" singular as your subject. One child is not "they" plural. Therefore you need to use either his or her (or both).

Good job. You write well enough that you should have time to get your thought down, then go back over your essay and make corrections within your time limit. Good luck on your test.
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