Introducing a kitten to my cat- Have I completely messed up?

Hi,
I brought home a new kitten and my 3 year old female cat hates him.
So my situation is that I recently moved to a place with my cat and there was already a cat who lived here but is a 100% outdoor cat. My cat, Mow, seemed to like her and tries to play with her on occasion but the older outside cat has no interest.
My friend's neighbor had kittens and I brought one home. Except I was unaware there was a proper way to introduce cats and it did not go well.
I have put the kitten in his own room with everything he needs and have been letting him come out for a little while each day. I also go in and play with him during the day as well. Occasionally he escapes and for some reason runs toward Mow even though she hisses and growls and makes it clear she wants nothing to do with him.
I've tried the sock rubbing but Mow doesn't like to be rubbed with it.

My main problem besides not really knowing what I should be doing, is that Mow has started peeing and pooping on one of my couches and I have no idea how to remedy this situation. What can I do to stop this?

Another problem is that the kitten cries a lot. I know he's little and it's not his fault, but is there anything I can do without making my other cat feel left out? He has a radio and toys in his room currently.

Sorry this is rather long and kind of jumbled, I just don't have any idea what I am doing and I feel like I'm doing it all wrong. If anyone has any advice as to what I should do, it would be greatly appreciated.

Thank You!

When we introduced our kitten to our cat it was a hard process. We put the kitten Riley in her own room and left Keeba smell her through the door and get used to her. That same day I also let her out to see how they were together... they were both curious, but Keeba was also hissing and pissed about the whole situation. I then put Riley back into her own room... I always put Riley away when Keeba gets really irritated. I also gave Keeba plenty of attention each day. I woke up 30 minutes early just to play with Keeba before I left for work... knowing you aren't replacing the older cat really helps.

After slowly introducing them and also giving them their space they slowly got used to the idea of each other. Then our kitten ended up being diagnosed with Coccidia... so she had to be taken back to the shelter for a few weeks. I thought I would have to do the whole introduction process over again.. I walked in the door with Riley and Keeba came up to her and sniffed her nose, hissed, and walked away. They've been friends ever since. I think that was her way of letting her know who's boss. They are going to wrestle and it looks like they are fighting at times, but it's benefial and helps them display their dominance with each other. Hissing also sounds horrible, but it's a way of letting the older cat tell the kitten to back off. Slowly your older cat will teach your kitten and swatting or hissing may be the methods that it uses. You just have to have a LOT of patience and time and slowly they will become friends. Best of luck to you!!!!

Thanks for your help. I will definitely try the extra play time with Mow. I thought I had given extra snuggles but obviously not since she has shown she is still quite upset with me.

How much time/ how often did you go visit with your kitten? I'm finding it hard to distract Mow long enough to go in with the new kitten as much as I'd like.

Almost like she's been following me around on purpose

No new accidents on the couch today so that's a plus. However the flip side is the kitten has been crying a lot.

Thanks again for your advice, It's really good to know that they might be friends one day.
Your cats are adorable and I really hope mine will be like that one day soon.

Not to worry! Sometimes these things just take some time despite what you do. Sounds like your adult kitty will need just that. Have you read the steps on the forums about introductions? That's a great way to get "caught up". Also, be sure to clean your couch thoroughly! Even if you can no longer smell urine your cat might and will be inclined to urinate there again. Also, try using a product called Feliway. That will help ease the intros. I doubt seriously that you've done anything wrong. From what I've read it sounds like you're doing a great job. As far as the kitten's meowing goes that's normal and will probably subside on it's own.

That's good to hear. It's been incredibly stressful for someone who is used to it being very quiet and calm.

By chance you wouldn't know the best cleaner for a leather couch? What I've read mostly recommended nature's miracle so I might pick that up tomorrow when I go to petsmart.

I have the feliway spray that I use in the kitten's room and outside the room. Should I get the diffuser instead?
And should I spray the couch as well?

Or should I just be spraying the whole house?

I've just read the into article that's listed and the kitten has a blanket that will work perfectly. I'll start that tomorrow after rubbing him some more with the blanket tonight.

Hopefully starting over and using the blanket will work.
I really appreciate the advice and support, sometimes I feel like I am going to loose my mind worrying over this.

I used the feliway spray... I sprayed it around the house where the cats frequent. Another thing I tried that I think I read on here was to spray some perfume in your hand and then pat both cats on their backs/near the tail- this makes your cats have the same scent as each other and they will feel less intimidated. Be careful though - our older cat Keeba was on to this and she swat me while I pet her.

Another thing that really helped was when we moved. We moved from Maryland to Florida and drove straight the whole way. They weren't really the best of friends when we were starting the move, but with the limited room we had to put them in the same carrier during the ride. It was a huge petmate carrier for large dogs. First they kept their distance but during the ride we noticed them grooming each other and cuddling up and sleeping with each other. I think they comforted each other during the move and some how created a sort of bond because of that experience. Stuck in a carrier for 15 hours they had to create a bond!

Hey,
Thanks for your all your advice! This community is incredibly helpful and I am really glad I found it. I wish moving was in our near future because that seems to be a successful way to get everyone to be friends.
Well it has been a few days and I have been using the feliway spray and the blanket idea from the introduction article listed.
This morning I gave Mow some treats on the blanket and thought I'd try and see if she'd be interested in playing footsie under the door but she was immediately upset when she figured out who it was. Growling, hissing, etc.
Although Mow hasn't gone potty on the floor for a while now, not sure if that's because she hasn't seen him for a while or if the blanket trick is working.
However, I did get the Ssscat item too, to keep Mow out of that room at least. So maybe she associated peeing on the floor with the scary noise. (Scared me a few times that's for sure!)
I have a couple of questions about it the article though.
When it says to feed the resident cat on the blanket, should I put her food and water on the blanket? or just treats?
Also when you finally let them see each other, do you steadily increase the time they spend together each day?
I know Mow is going to be upset about it, is there anything I can do to make it go better?

I'm really hoping it gets better but judging from the reaction I got this morning it seems it is going to take a while.
Although this Wednesday I will have had the kitten for a month and he is getting sooo big! Crazy!