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Kids' Messy Rooms (any advice?) - Page 2

post #31 of 34
My Mother and I had a horrible horrible relationship, and the biggest thing that I can say got in the way of us being really good together is my bedroom.

My Mum did the same thing- when we moved into our home when I was seven she and Dad renovated my room, knocked the wall between two guest rooms out so that I had a massive room. It was decorated, gorgeous, lovely... and it was my room. My space. Mum has really really high standards in terms of tidyness and cleanliness, and I liked having a refuge where it didn't have to be all squared away and tidy.

My Mum hassling me to clean it all the time lead to conflict in the house. She tried everything- she took my door off the hinges so the dogs got in and chewed up my things. She threw away my stuff. She made me buy back things I left lying around. She took away internet. She took away TV. She took away my pocket money. After a while my original laziness in not tidying my room turned into rebellion. I let her take away my things but I hated her for it.

I moved out three months ago, as soon as I could afford to. I keep an immaculate house, because I want to- not because my Mother wants to impose her anal-retentive standards on me.

I would really really really strongly urge you not to inflict any kind of restrictions on your daughter. Let her have one area in the house that's HERS. She'll grow out of being messy. And if it bothers her, like you say it does, then she'll figure out that she needs to tidy her room on her own.

Now that I've moved out Mum and I are much happier together. It saved our relationship, and I feel like I can talk to her for the first time in about ten years.

Please don't make the same mistake. There has to be another solution other than destroying your relationship with your daughter by invading her space. Maybe you could sit down with her and explain how you feel and try and work it out that way, or just, y'know- don't go in there.

((Of course there were other things involved with our issues, but please don't discount what I'm saying on that basis.))
post #32 of 34
My room was my domain. It was however I wanted it to be. My Mom even let me pick out the colours for when she painted it.

I had chores to do around the house, but when it came to my room my Mom never nagged me about it. Sometimes there were dishes in there and when it came time to do dishes my Mom would ask me if I had any dishes in my room and if so to go and get them, which I did.

At times my room was a complete dump, and when I couldn't live with it anymore I spent a day cleaning it up. But if I didn't want to clean it, I didn't have to.
post #33 of 34
Thread Starter 
Thank you everyone for the advice! Wow, a lot of different opinions on this!

My husband went into her room yesterday with a big bag and threw out all the itty bitty pieces of paper (they get tracked into the rest of the house), and any other trash in there. He said it was a fire hazard. She was happy when the trash was cleared out.

I realize this affects me more than it should; I have a problem being around chaos. At least she doesn't have food in there!

Since our daughter was able to walk, she has helped put away her things. When she was about 4, I started teaching her how to tidy up, and showed her all my time-saving methods. We cleaned her room (and then playroom) together for several years but I'm really tired of spending several hours of my life just to have it be a huge mess again in a week or two.

For those who mentioned it, she does help with the laundry, and does it on her own sometimes. She definitely folds her clothes and puts them away. Before school started, we went through her dresser and closet and got rid of everything she won't/can't wear so at least she can find her clothes for school every day.

So... sigh... I'm going to drop the subject with her. I've taught her what I can. If she asks for help cleaning it up I'll show her again how to do it.

Until then, her door is staying closed.
post #34 of 34
I was a pretty messy kid. My room looked like what you describe. I grew out of it though. Part of what got me out of that...My first apartment, my roommate was a disgusting slob. I don't mind a bit of clutter, or a little mess. But rotting food in the sink and leaving the bathroom go until it's a science project was crossing the line.

Then later DH and I had an apartment next to a garbage hoarder (really, we saw stuff we threw out in the dumpster in her piles) and she brought roaches to the building. Naturally, since we were right next door they started checking out our apartment. Now all dry goods end up in a tupperware after being opened.

So now my biggest offense is when I leave the mail buildup before sorting or dirty laundry on the bedroom floor. Of course since we just moved it feels chaotic as we try to get everything back in its place.
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