Kids' Messy Rooms (any advice?)

I am alot like Yosemites daughter ... My mother used threats , trash bags( this likely did THE MOST damage to our relationship) and other methods ...

life got better when she gave up as I told her note the rest of the house is as you like leave my space alone ...

of course now she is gone and I am in her old room and try to keep it at least presentable to close friends

AHH the 'kids' messy room subject!

I have had every method tried in my massive 16 years on earth!

I know every trick in the book and every method under the sun!

My mum used threats - i was grounded if my room wasnt clean/tidied enough..she would threaten to take binbags to it , she would threaten to take stuff away from me , she threatend to clear out my whole room bar my bed , she gave me a chores list of what needed done in my room , she would oragnize it for me and try to keep me on top if it , she used to try to give better storage methods , she used to reward it when i did clean , she used bribary and she used blackmail , she screams and shoted but nothing would work.. why?

Because kids and teenagers do not have the motivation to keep things clean and tidied , you say to us 'make ur beds' we say why were are only going to crumple the sheets when we get in it tonight!

And now i am almost 17 i keep my bedroom tidy , and whats more im even tidier when it comes to helping around the house , i wash up and hoover and tidy without being asked now!

My bedroom is not the best but every morning the beds made , the curtains are open and the floor is clear , yes ok i need to sort out some drawers and under the bed , but overall my room looks tidy and is clean , the bin is empyied often , the window open every day to air it out.. the bedding changed regulary!


The best thing to do is let your childs room get as messy as they want it and dont bat a eyelid , my mum done this and after 2 months i got sick of the mess and tidied , and kept it tidied..

I also dont like dust now or dirty windows! but when some one is nagging at u , you dont want to do it , when its on your own terms you are more willing .. and you know u get more respect when u can show ur mum how tidy and nice your bedroom is..

hope that helps!

Jess x

Originally Posted by Trillcat

My best friend grew up in an immaculate home. Kids were never invied in to play, I was once in a while but we could only stay in the basement, in one little corner where the toy box and a magnetic board were set up, and you could tell her mother hated even that amount of disorder. I would go around trying to find dirt, dust up on a bookshelf, a hidden cobweb somewhere, never did. Could not go on the lawn, her dad would have a fit. When she got married we took some pictures on her parents back lawn by some rose bushes, I think it was the first time I ever stood that far into their backyard, I took a certain pleasure in digging the high heels of my shoes into it as I walked, hee hee hee.

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There's a middle point somewhere between immaculate and mess. I like tidy and order but sloth and laziness are intolerable to me. My house will never be immaculate while I have the husband and daughter that I've been blessed with. When it gets to the point where I get stressed, they do manage to clean and tidy up. I think about it and have come to the conclusion that I would rather live with them and their messes than live without them.

My mum also did the garbage bag thing; anything on the floor after an alloted cleaning time was going in the garbage.

I grew out of it as a teenager and was obsessively tidy, everything had a place - now not so much

Growing up my parents had four kids (2 boys, 2 girls). We shared a room each and whenever the rooms got too messy my father made us take EVERYTHING, out. And I mean EVERYTHING, we just left the beds and dresser, even clothes came out. Then we had to sit there, on a Saturday morning no less!, and sift through it all. We had to put it back in its respective place and give away things we never used again. When we were finished the room looked spotless. It only took us a few times of THAT to learn to keep our rooms clean!

^ In polls I've seen, it tends to come out split down the middle - though INTJs seem to require some order as it fits under the J.
Everything has a place, even if that place makes no sense to anyone else. If someone moves something, you know.
DH accidentally knocked two cds off my desk a few weeks ago and did not put them back in the same order - I knew within immediately upon sitting down at my desk that stuff had been moved.

Originally Posted by laureen227

well, i have some order - the books are pretty organized, & i have places for the most important things - my glasses, cell phone, computer... but most of the rest is just sitting around.
of course, i know where it's all sitting!

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that would be me too... do not move anything I do know where it is

My sister and I shared a room - we pretty much kept it neat - not totally but wasn't messy either. My son keeps his stuff neat - always has. Our other son - I don't know how he found things in his room! I know the two of them could never share living space together....

I know the feeling - you put work into something and another doesn't seem to appreciate it. But you have to let it go. As long as no food or dirty dishes are kept in there, close the door and try not to think about it.

If she doesn't do her own clothes (washing) then teach her now - that way she is responsible for her room and clothes. And just think, one day she will be on her own, you can have your room back and you will be happy.

My Mother and I had a horrible horrible relationship, and the biggest thing that I can say got in the way of us being really good together is my bedroom.

My Mum did the same thing- when we moved into our home when I was seven she and Dad renovated my room, knocked the wall between two guest rooms out so that I had a massive room. It was decorated, gorgeous, lovely... and it was my room. My space. Mum has really really high standards in terms of tidyness and cleanliness, and I liked having a refuge where it didn't have to be all squared away and tidy.

My Mum hassling me to clean it all the time lead to conflict in the house. She tried everything- she took my door off the hinges so the dogs got in and chewed up my things. She threw away my stuff. She made me buy back things I left lying around. She took away internet. She took away TV. She took away my pocket money. After a while my original laziness in not tidying my room turned into rebellion. I let her take away my things but I hated her for it.

I moved out three months ago, as soon as I could afford to. I keep an immaculate house, because I want to- not because my Mother wants to impose her anal-retentive standards on me.

I would really really really strongly urge you not to inflict any kind of restrictions on your daughter. Let her have one area in the house that's HERS. She'll grow out of being messy. And if it bothers her, like you say it does, then she'll figure out that she needs to tidy her room on her own.

Now that I've moved out Mum and I are much happier together. It saved our relationship, and I feel like I can talk to her for the first time in about ten years.

Please don't make the same mistake. There has to be another solution other than destroying your relationship with your daughter by invading her space. Maybe you could sit down with her and explain how you feel and try and work it out that way, or just, y'know- don't go in there.

((Of course there were other things involved with our issues, but please don't discount what I'm saying on that basis.))

My room was my domain. It was however I wanted it to be. My Mom even let me pick out the colours for when she painted it.

I had chores to do around the house, but when it came to my room my Mom never nagged me about it. Sometimes there were dishes in there and when it came time to do dishes my Mom would ask me if I had any dishes in my room and if so to go and get them, which I did.

At times my room was a complete dump, and when I couldn't live with it anymore I spent a day cleaning it up. But if I didn't want to clean it, I didn't have to.

Thank you everyone for the advice! Wow, a lot of different opinions on this!

My husband went into her room yesterday with a big bag and threw out all the itty bitty pieces of paper (they get tracked into the rest of the house), and any other trash in there. He said it was a fire hazard. She was happy when the trash was cleared out.

I realize this affects me more than it should; I have a problem being around chaos. At least she doesn't have food in there!

Since our daughter was able to walk, she has helped put away her things. When she was about 4, I started teaching her how to tidy up, and showed her all my time-saving methods. We cleaned her room (and then playroom) together for several years but I'm really tired of spending several hours of my life just to have it be a huge mess again in a week or two.

For those who mentioned it, she does help with the laundry, and does it on her own sometimes. She definitely folds her clothes and puts them away. Before school started, we went through her dresser and closet and got rid of everything she won't/can't wear so at least she can find her clothes for school every day.

So... sigh... I'm going to drop the subject with her. I've taught her what I can. If she asks for help cleaning it up I'll show her again how to do it.

Until then, her door is staying closed.

I was a pretty messy kid. My room looked like what you describe. I grew out of it though. Part of what got me out of that...My first apartment, my roommate was a disgusting slob. I don't mind a bit of clutter, or a little mess. But rotting food in the sink and leaving the bathroom go until it's a science project was crossing the line.

Then later DH and I had an apartment next to a garbage hoarder (really, we saw stuff we threw out in the dumpster in her piles) and she brought roaches to the building. Naturally, since we were right next door they started checking out our apartment. Now all dry goods end up in a tupperware after being opened.

So now my biggest offense is when I leave the mail buildup before sorting or dirty laundry on the bedroom floor. Of course since we just moved it feels chaotic as we try to get everything back in its place.