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Smoking Grandma, a question

post #1 of 13
Thread Starter 
First, a bit of history so this makes sense. As I said before, one of the reasons I decided to go to the school I did is so I can help keep a eye on my grandmother (she is very big on her "freedom" and wouldn't even think of moving somewhere else). One of the things that brought this around is that we found out she had gotten addicted to pain meds, had realized it and quit, but had gotten depressed to the point where she was thinking of ODing on sleeping pills. Needless to say we were scared and talked her into staying with us for a good 3-4 months. While she was with us, my mother talked her into quitting smoking, something she has been doing for 50+ years. And something she kept up with when she went back home.

Well I live on the same street and try to make it over every day. Today when I went over, she was shoving things into a hidden cupboard in the living room under her side table. It was pretty clear she was smoking (the smell was very very strong, much more so then would come from a fire outside, or someone walking by). I ignored it and went on with our visit.

My question is, Do you think I should bring this up with her?

My main feelings on this is that she is a adult, she knows what happens if she takes it up again, and it's not my place to give her a hard time. That said, she is on some meds, and she is in theory to get her legs strengthen. I am a bit worried she hasn't brought up that she is smoking with her doctors. Could this have a affect on what she is doing?

I have to say, it was pretty funny to see her rushing to hide it as if I was some parents who would yell at her, but at the same time, it was a bit sad...I'm not sure what to do, or if I should just forget I saw anything at all
post #2 of 13
There is really nothing she could do.
My Brother smokes and he say what lung cancer did to my grandpa and his friends mom.
My grandpa stopped 40 years before he got lung cancer but the damage was done.
He died at age 86 from lung cancer.
My brother has been told to stop smoking but is up to a pack a day again and I got yelled at by the dr years ago because he is my brother.
He told me to talk to him.
post #3 of 13
I agree with Jacky (mewstomuch) completely.

Let me give you some background. My father smoked and he got cancer of the larynx when I was 11 and had a laryngectomy. He basically died a slow painful death for the next 3 years.

That being said, you cannot change your grandmother. How old is she?

The only thing that you should do is to absolutely tell her:

She doesn't need to hide the cigarettes because you are on to her. You would prefer for her not to smoke when you are at her house.

Unless someone in you house smokes, say that you will not tolerate her smoking in your house or even outside it.

I am totally against smoking but when a person reaches a certain age we cannot change them.
post #4 of 13
Thread Starter 
I’m sorry guys, I didn’t make my questions clear.

What I need help deciding is rather or not to let her know that I know that she is smoking, or if I should let her go on thinking it’s her secret. And rather or not it could have an affect on her meds.

She is 73 and more then able to decide if she wants to smoke for herself. I am only 26 and I know I would rebel against someone telling me not to do something I’ve been doing for years, even moreso if that person was younger then I.
post #5 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by butzie View Post
The only thing that you should do is to absolutely tell her:

She doesn't need to hide the cigarettes because you are on to her. You would prefer for her not to smoke when you are at her house.
I did say that and I think that it an answer to your major question. The med part I can't answer.
post #6 of 13
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by butzie View Post
I did say that and I think that it an answer to your major question. The med part I can't answer.
thank you, your right. I was just trying to make it more clear after re-reading what I wrote
post #7 of 13
Quote:
Originally Posted by othie View Post
thank you, your right. I was just trying to make it more clear after re-reading what I wrote
No problem. It is a sticky thing and I know that you are upset. Hang in there.
post #8 of 13
I adhor smoking with a passion. My father (whom I recently met after 30 yrs) is dying from Lung cancer too. He's been smoking from the age of 8 and he's now 63. The damage is done.

This may sound cruel but really what business of it is yours? She is a grown woman who can make her own desicions and if she wants to smoke again then well let her. If she doesn't have any other "hobbies" it may be all she has.

My mother is also a smoker ad is on about 4 types of different medication due to asthma which has come from her smoking but it's one of her few pleasures.She should stop but doesn't want to.

I'd say support her in whatever her choice, but remember it's HER choice.
post #9 of 13
I would let her know that you know she is smoking. Don't be preachy, just let her know your concerns about possible interactions with her meds, and then I would leave it at that. As you said, she is an adult and knows the dangers involved with cigarettes. I smoke, and I can tell you that when people get in my face trying to get me to quit it just annoys me and does nothing to make me want to quit. (For those about to lecture with first hand experience with what it does, save your fingers the typing, my Mother, a long time smoker, died of lung cancer, I am well aware of the toll it takes)
post #10 of 13
I'd just ask her if she is smoking again. Let her know you can smell it and that you are only concerned for her health and that if she is smoking again, she needs to let her Dr.'s know.
post #11 of 13
I would let her know that you know (not being judgemental) and tell her she might want to tell her doctor because some medications effect smokers differently, and some medications can kill because they have an adverse reaction with somthing in the cigarettes.
I wouldn't preach to her about quiting, she's an adult and knows what she's doing. And I'm sure she knows it's unhealthy.
My grandmother smoked from when she was 16 to when she passed away (from lung & brain Cancer) at 80. I worked for the Canadain Cancer Society and talked to her about all of the concers I had and she cut back but she never stoped.
post #12 of 13
I agree, I would let her know you know, but don't be preachy. If you see her rushing to hide them, say something like "hiding your cigarettes again?" and laugh it off. But, I would explain in a non-judgemental way that she does need to tell her doctor because of her meds and then drop it. It can just be a little secret between the two of you.

At that age, people want to do what they enjoy. My great grandmother had a glass of whiskey every night up until the day she died of a heart attack at age 84. Did the family know it wasn't good for her? Yes (considering she weighed all of 85 lbs soaking wet at that point and that one glass problably got her loaded!) but they didn't say anything because she looked forward to that glass everyday. One of the few pleasures she had in life was watching her shows on TV and sipping her whiskey. If they had made her stop, she may have lived a few more years but she wouldn't have enjoyed them as much.
post #13 of 13
Thread Starter 
Thank you guys. I think your right, I should bring it up. I'll bring it up today, I know I'll feel alot better about it once her doctors know. My parents won't be happy, but there isn't really any reason to tell them, atleast not at the moment (they both used to smoke, so the smell makes them ill. At the moment they are planning on staying here for christmas, but it wouldn't be hard for them to stay with other family)

Thank you all for your help
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