So everything fell apart

fastnoc · Oct 30, 2008

I don't even know where to begin. Some things happened that completely blindsided me. I was forced to call the rescue group and have them pick up the kittens and madonna for their own protection.

I don't want to go into it but i'm just sick to my stomach. I was prepared to adopt them out, but to just instantly lose them all including mom is so hard to take.

It's too personal to go into what happened, just suffice to say i had no choice. I feel awful.

Don't think I'll be fostering again anytime soon

swampwitch · Oct 30, 2008

You know what? We do what we can in this life, and it is obvious that you care deeply and have helped critters... being blindsided is the worst. Please cut yourself some slack. All we can do is keep trying and doing the best we can; we shouldn't expect the impossible from ourselves in everything we do. Some things are out of our control and you tremendously helped Madonna and her kittens!

Here's a big hug for you!

fastnoc · Oct 30, 2008

Thanks, I appreciate that. I don't think i feel so bad about me as much as it just tore a big hole in me. it happened so fast I dind't get to say goodbye or anything, I just had to put them in carriers and send them off.

Just sucks that's all. Certainly don't feel like updating the blog, that's for sure.

coolcat · Oct 30, 2008

I´m so far away from you my friend...

I hope can I give you a big hug too...

don´t give up!

calico2222 · Oct 30, 2008

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

You know what? We do what we can in this life, and it is obvious that you care deeply and have helped critters... being blindsided is the worst. Please cut yourself some slack. All we can do is keep trying and doing the best we can; we shouldn't expect the impossible from ourselves in everything we do. Some things are out of our control and you tremendously helped Madonna and her kittens!

Here's a big hug for you!

I agree completely! You obviously loved them, and that is what matters. Somethings are out of our control. You did the best you could and that's what counts. There are so many people that wouldn't even take the time to try to help, so you are special. You gave them love that they wouldn't have gotten to begin with, so you should be proud.

white cat lover · Oct 30, 2008

Life throws us unexpected turns - and you can only take them in stride. I've had to "suddenly" give up fosters before.... I killed a kitten once & no one can convince me otherwise, so I just loaded up the rest of the litter & sent them elsewhere.

belongstoevie · Oct 30, 2008

to you, to help a broken heart...

Though I don't know what happened exactly, the kittens I raised from a few days old also were suddenly taken from me. I had to be away over night, left them with my husband, so I didn't even get to say good bye!

I came home and they were gone... I haven't heard a thing about them since...

The kittens were fine, but the rescue group I was with totally screwed things up.

I know you said it was for their protection- I just hope they are all ok.

Know that you gave them a great life and love! Even if whatever happened is something you did or didn't do, they were very happy and well loved. I know with mine, they were SO tiny, I was worried about their health, and am worried that maybe I did something wrong, but with that rescue group I will never know if I endagered them by my lack of knowledge. To this day, I'm worried maybe I wormed them wrong and they had worms or something... Just keep to heart that the time you had with them was precious and full of love and good memories, and NOTHING, not even being blind sided by something, like, in my case, maybe them being sick and I didn't know it, will EVER take away those good times you had.

My heart goes out to you, you are a great man for doing what you did!

zorana_dragonky · Oct 30, 2008

You are amazing just for wanting to help foster, for giving those babies and their momma such a great home while you did. I could tell from your blog and the photos that you loved them so much, that they had cuddled their way into your heart.

I don't know what happened, but helping those babies and their mom was a great thing to do. I'm so sorry you had to give them up so quickly.

butzie · Oct 30, 2008

Originally Posted by SwampWitch

You know what? We do what we can in this life, and it is obvious that you care deeply and have helped critters... being blindsided is the worst. Please cut yourself some slack. All we can do is keep trying and doing the best we can; we shouldn't expect the impossible from ourselves in everything we do. Some things are out of our control and you tremendously helped Madonna and her kittens!

Here's a big hug for you!

Definitely give yourself a break. Sometimes the excrement hits the rotary oscillator and we are so not wearing a raincoat.

Ms. Freya · Oct 30, 2008

No matter what happenned, you did your best for that family and that counts for more than anything else.

It was so clear from your posts that you loved them and they were happy, and that's something that can't ever be taken away. I hope you can take some comfort in the fact that you did your best to help, when so many other people would have walked the other way.

dorabella's mom · Oct 30, 2008

[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[[hugs]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]]

addiebee · Oct 30, 2008

Wow, JT... I don't know what happened, but it is obvious to anyone posting here or following your blog that you just LOVED those cats....

healing vibes...

cococat · Oct 30, 2008

I don't know what happened, but you are very upset hugs

to you. Sounds like from reading other posts and a quick look at that adorable blog you did do your best and helped them and cared for them very much.

tab · Oct 30, 2008

something out of your control, isn't that another term for 'blindsided'.

you cared for madonna and her kitties so perfectly. i remember reading the 'birthing' thread with the overwhelming feeling that you were everything madonna and those babies needed right then.

be gentle on yourself.

fastnoc · Oct 30, 2008

Thanks for all the kind words. It means a lot. I think it just boils down to the fact that I was not prepared to let them go so unexpectedly. I have no closure (I know that sounds wimpy) because I couldn't hug them or say goodbye. And I feel bad for Madonna because she was a stray and she accepted and FULLY trusted me. So I feel like I let her down. To be honest I figured I'd end up with her after the kittens were gone for quite awhile.

The good note is they went to their perspective homes. they'll just be finishing up their shots and spay/neuter from there. Two sets of two and one set of three. So none of them are alone. They were eating almost all dry and soft food and drinking water, barely feeding from mom anymore so i think that'll be ok.

tab · Oct 30, 2008

turn that around. madonna learnt to trust you and she will trust again, thanks to you.

in no way did you let that cat down, absolutely not. she could have struggled to give birth in some dirty, cold place, instead of which you gave her warmth, protection and love.

that is fantastic news about the kittens, especially that none of them will be alone.

laureen227 · Oct 30, 2008

Originally Posted by AddieBee

Wow, JT... I don't know what happened, but it is obvious to anyone posting here or following your blog that you just LOVED those cats....

healing vibes...

but i'm also glad to hear that no one went to their new home alone

for that - & some

for you...

mrblanche · Oct 30, 2008

You obviously cared about them, something so many cats never get to enjoy. And if you hadn't cared about them and loved them and been able to just let them go without, then...well, then you wouldn't have been "one of us," would you?

abbycats · Oct 30, 2008

I am so sorry

Sometimes things happen beyond our control. I do know that you loved madonna and her kittens very much and that is something that will never be forgotten. They will always know what love is now.

Did madonna have a perspective home? I would have loved to adopt her. That was just a wish and not reality because I live so far away from Arizona.

calico2222 · Oct 31, 2008

Originally Posted by fastnoc

Thanks for all the kind words. It means a lot. I think it just boils down to the fact that I was not prepared to let them go so unexpectedly. I have no closure (I know that sounds wimpy) because I couldn't hug them or say goodbye. And I feel bad for Madonna because she was a stray and she accepted and FULLY trusted me. So I feel like I let her down. To be honest I figured I'd end up with her after the kittens were gone for quite awhile.

The good note is they went to their perspective homes. they'll just be finishing up their shots and spay/neuter from there. Two sets of two and one set of three. So none of them are alone. They were eating almost all dry and soft food and drinking water, barely feeding from mom anymore so i think that'll be ok.

Being upset about not being able to say goodbye is NOT wimpy! It shows how much you loved them, and it is hard with no closure. But, take comfort in the fact that Madonna learned to trust humans because of you. You changed her life forever.

Like tab said, she could have given birth in the cold, on a pile of leaves somewhere, fighting off predators while she was still in labor, but you gave her a safe, warm place for her and her babies where she didn't have to worry or fight for food and could just relax.

I'm glad all the kittens found new homes with siblings, and yes if they were eating and drinking on their own they will be fine and be with someone familiar. Is Madonna going with some of the kitten to a new home or is there a chance you can get her back?

So everything fell apart

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