TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Mad/hurt....sad? long post/rant
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:

Mad/hurt....sad? long post/rant

post #1 of 29
Thread Starter 
Please tell me if I have a right to be upset here?

Where do I begin....

Since my daughter started pre-k we have had on and off issues with head lice. Nothing too bad but anyways....tonite I took her to my sisters so my mom could pick her up after work, no biggie, right?

Well for some reason my sister decided to look thru her hair(not even knowing about the lice) and happens to find a few eggs, sounds nasty, sorry. My sister takes it upon herself to go get some prescription med and treat her! I told them I would take care of it when I got home!! Anyways, the stuff that she used is makin my daughters hair fall out!!!! I am beyond mad that for one they treated her, without my consent and two now her hair is falling out!!! Im not even kidding, we have a baggie full....

Anyhoo. my sister totally over reacted IMO. My step sister(whos 16) was also there and she said the way they all treated her was awful! Like she had a plauge or something!!!!

I am just upset over the whole ordeal...
post #2 of 29
To be honest, the intention of your Sis was to help your baby girl, not hurt her. For whatever reason your daughter's reaction was her hair to fall out, but that was not the intention of your Sis. I would not be upset about that at all. I would actually be upset if my Sis found it and did nothing.
post #3 of 29
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Pami View Post
To be honest, the intention of your Sis was to help your baby girl, not hurt her. For whatever reason your daughter's reaction was her hair to fall out, but that was not the intention of your Sis. I would not be upset about that at all. I would actually be upset if my Sis found it and did nothing.
Maybe, but the way they were treating her was a little uncalled for. Thats what upset me. They were telling her to go outside and stay off the couch...
post #4 of 29
You have every right to be mad and upset. They should have called you first. Some children (like yours) could be allergic to the over the counter meds (I'm guessing they used Rid - that's the one I see on the shelves).

I hope your daughter is ok, but IMO I would ask your sister to pay for the doctor's visit!
post #5 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
You have every right to be mad and upset. They should have called you first. Some children (like yours) could be allergic to the over the counter meds (I'm guessing they used Rid - that's the one I see on the shelves).

I hope your daughter is ok, but IMO I would ask your sister to pay for the doctor's visit!
Gee, it sounds to me like everyone just needs to take a chill pill. You should never have sent your daughter to visit someone without either taking care of the problem, or telling them about it. Head lice have come back in a big way in the last couple of years, getting very hard to treat, and I don't think I'd react much differently if I suddenly found my niece visiting my house, spreading louse eggs around.

And when they discovered it, they should have called you and asked you if you knew about it before they did anything.

It's your daughter; her medical bills are your responsibility, even if the problem was caused by someone else--someone who, in this case, was trying to help you and your daughter.
post #6 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrblanche View Post
Gee, it sounds to me like everyone just needs to take a chill pill. You should never have sent your daughter to visit someone without either taking care of the problem, or telling them about it. Head lice have come back in a big way in the last couple of years, getting very hard to treat, and I don't think I'd react much differently if I suddenly found my niece visiting my house, spreading louse eggs around.

And when they discovered it, they should have called you and asked you if you knew about it before they did anything.

It's your daughter; her medical bills are your responsibility, even if the problem was caused by someone else--someone who, in this case, was trying to help you and your daughter.
I agree, but lots of vibes for everyone to feel better about the whole situation
post #7 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrblanche View Post
Gee, it sounds to me like everyone just needs to take a chill pill. You should never have sent your daughter to visit someone without either taking care of the problem, or telling them about it. Head lice have come back in a big way in the last couple of years, getting very hard to treat, and I don't think I'd react much differently if I suddenly found my niece visiting my house, spreading louse eggs around.

And when they discovered it, they should have called you and asked you if you knew about it before they did anything.

It's your daughter; her medical bills are your responsibility, even if the problem was caused by someone else--someone who, in this case, was trying to help you and your daughter.
I agree
I can see both sides. You trusted this person enough to drop your daughter off with them. You sent a child with lice to a relative's home, relative did not know about this problem in advance of discovering it, lice is contagious. Relative wanted to help child and probably protect her home and others there too.
Yes, she should have called you before treating your daughter with a specific product, she should have called you even just to say she discovered lice (edit: looks like she did do that, as you told her you would treat it when you got home; which meant how long? How long was the child there with lice until she could be treated?), and you should have been very up front with her before dropping your daughter off, since this will effect her too. Seems like a misunderstanding where communication was lacking.
post #8 of 29
I agree with the others. They probably discovered the lice and immediately worried that it would spread to their home. Which is probably why they acted quickly and tried to treat it. Yes they should have contacted you first. But still if I were you I wouldn't be mad. I highly doubt that she thought the product used would cause your daughter to loose hair. She couldn't have known that would happen. Having her stay off the couch ect. probably wasnt said to be cruel, they just didn't want to infect their home. Lice is hard to get rid of, I would have been worried too if I were put in that situation.
post #9 of 29
To be honest, I would be freaked out if someone were in my house and they had lice. It would be a very big deal to me.

Now, does that make it alright that your daughter was made to feel bad? No, but they might have been upset finding the lice. Frankly, I wouldn't let her sit on my couch/chair/bed either. There could have been more than eggs. If it were my niece, I would have been tempted to treat her myself as well.

I'm sure she never would have used that shampoo if she knew your daughter's hair would fall out. I'm going to assume since you let your daughter go there, that normally she's treated well, and that this is an isolated incident. Don't let this come between you and your sister.
post #10 of 29
Hon, I have to agree with mrblanche and cococat... your sister did a perfectly rational thing, and she was only trying to help your daughter and protect her own family.

Although the treatment she used caused an unfortunate side effect, it may be that your daughter actually needed something stronger than what you've been using, since the problem keeps coming back. Maybe this will be the end of the problem for her once and for all!
post #11 of 29
Some years ago our daughter came home from school with lice (she went to the baby-sitter's after school). My baby-sitter, whose own 3 children also had lice from school, washed all my daughter's clothing with her own children and shampooed all their hair with lice shampoo. She did NOT call me at work to tell me, she just did what she had to do for all 4 children. I can only tell you how much I appeciated her doing that for me.

If someone sent a child to my house with lice, I would be livid and most certainly would not want them sitting on my upholstered furniture. Your sister tried to do a good deed and you are mad. Is that a case of no good deed goes unpunished?
post #12 of 29
I would be very, very upset if someone sent a child with lice to my home, knowing that it has been a problem and not even mentioning it. I would have treated her too. I don't know many people who honestly wouldn't. I mean, come on, who would actually want someone with lice staying without being treated in their home, sitting on their furniture, and being in close contact. No offence.

I would apologize to your sister for not being up front about it. Ask her to call if it were to ever happen again and get over it...sorry.
post #13 of 29
Quote:
My sister takes it upon herself to go get some prescription med and treat her!
How did your sister get prescription med for your daughter?

I actually do think she over-reacted. You said she found eggs, not lice. IMO she should have had your daughter wear a head covering off some sort and let you know about the eggs.

I understand she was just trying to help, but if I were you I'd be upset, too. I wouldn't presume to treat someone else's child unless it was an emergency. And I definitely would have been nicer about the whole thing.
post #14 of 29
If you knew she had a lice problem, you should have treated it before sending her to their house and possibly spreading the problem to others. I have been in the same situation and treated my cousin's lice because I didn't want anyone else in my home (including her sisters and my nephew) to get them and cause a bigger problem.

I am sure your sister didn't mean for her hair to fall out so don't let it come between you and if it is an issue, care for your child yourself in the future rather than leaving her with your sister
post #15 of 29
Thread Starter 
I was unaware of the problem....trust me if I HAD known she had anything,I would never of sent her over there!! I think everyone has the misunderstanding that I must of knew, and no I did not know.....
post #16 of 29
lice are very, very contagious. kids w/lice spread them like wildfire to other kids - they will play w/each other's hair [girls], trade hair ornaments, try on each other's coats & hats, etc.

it's my experience [& my mom's, a long-time educator] that lice really, really like clean, clean hair. i use several products on my hair [wax, root lifter, hairspray] & have never caught them. my mom is also a big hairspray user, & also never caught them. the products make it difficult for the adults to grab onto the hairs.

try using a setting product of some kind after the lice are gone & see if that helps prevent them from returning. also, make sure she really understands not to use others' hairbrushes, etc.
post #17 of 29
When I was in Grade 2, I got head lice. I have very long, thick hair that was the perfect setting for lice. After I was lice free, my mom always mixed some vinegar in with the water in my spray bottle (that she sprayed on my hair when she styled it in the mornings). I don't know if it made a difference (I know vinegar can be used to remove lice, but don't know about prevention), but I never had lice again.

I didn't really know how to think about your situation (whether I'd be mad or not), until I related it to my cats. I wouldn't let a cat with fleas into my house for fears of my cats/house being infested. If the cat had to enter my house for some reason, I would be flea treating it prior to entry. So, I can understand your sister's concern over your daughter with lice being in her house. I think she should have contacted you prior to treating her, but my guess is that she likened it to shampooing her hair. I have never heard of the regular treatment shampoos causing hair to fall out, and I doubt she has either!

I hope everyone in this situation starts to feel better about everything soon!
post #18 of 29
On some level, aren't you glad the eggs were discovered and called to your attention before another outbreak when those hatch? I keep thinking it was nice for your sister to treat your child (and watch your child), even getting in your words she went through the trouble to get perscription type? Is she asking for money? I don't get the impression she is. Are you? I don't get that impression either. If your sister had treated your child, and your daughter came out lice free with no hair loss, would you still be upset? When did you start to get upset about this? Or are you only upset since it makes her hair fall out?

Your sister I am sure would not have treated her with it if she knew it would ruin her hair! Your sisters motivations lie elsewhere. I think this has the potential to turn sour, and I really hope it doesn't, as I still think it was a miscommunication on both parties sides. Did she know this was an ongoing battle?

Your daughter was in the care of a family member, and that family member took it upon themselves to treat her condition upon discovering it and protect herself and her family too, as that is very contagious. She did call you I guess as you said to wait until you got home to take care of it, which was how long? I guess I don't really know the whole story but I really hope it doesn't get ugly between you two

Hope all gets better soon for you and your daughter. Dealing with lice must be very annoying and make your daughter sad and I hope her hair doesn't continue to fall out.
post #19 of 29
I would be upset to an extent, but also grateful that you have a caring family...I have family members who left lice in their kids untreated, even though they knew about it...

What I would do is find out what they used, write it down, so that if anything like this happens again, you have it down what not to use on her, as that med was obviously too strong for her; or they used too much.

If you are continually having issues with lice, though, perhaps the school needs to crack down on this matter more 'harshly'...students should be checked, and sent home until they have the problem taken care of (with random nurse checks afterwards to make sure it HAS been dealt with). I would be more angry with the school, not your family...jmho!
post #20 of 29
Our school had an on going battle with lice, They discovered kids were getting from sharing. the head phones for the computor labs, Now each child must bring their own headphones, labeled and kept in a plastic bag. I used to do head checks twice a month at the school. I can tell you , I would have done the same thing your sister did. She didn't mean any harm. I know know that some parents. use a little tea tree oil. when they rinse their kids hair. It seems to keep them from coming back. You also need to put all stuffed toys in a plastic bag in the freezer for twenty four hours, to kill lice. wash all bedding carpet should be steamed cleaned. They are very hard to get rid of.
post #21 of 29
Well I would been rather annoyed. I would have expected her to get on the phone to you to ask whether it was ok and check that she hadn't already been treated with something that was potentially dangerous if 2 doses were given. Most kids get head lice when they start school or pre school. It's not a big deal imo. I think your sister over-reacted.
post #22 of 29
I would be very upset if someone with lice came into my home. I wouldn't want it spreading onto my stuff. But I also can see that your sister tried to do what she thought was right. Yeah, she probably should have let you know, but sometimes people just kick into action over something they think will be simple to take care of. I doubt she knew the treatment would cause her to lose her hair. Hopefully the incident where they treated her badly was also only isolated. I can see both sides, and heres some vibes to help everyone get past it
post #23 of 29
Well, I have a sister and if she had done that I have to say that I would have understood that she was trying to help you and your daughter. Maybe she could have called and asked but she obviously, genuinely thought that it would be no big deal. The issue here really is that your daughter has or is losing some of her hair. I wouldn't be happy about my daughters hair falling out but I wouldn't blame it on my sister either. I hope that you can resolve this. Try not to be too mad at your sister, I am sure that she had the best intentions, it is not worth upsetting your relationship with your sister over.
post #24 of 29
I would be mad at the company that made the product that caused your daughter's hair to fall out, not your sister. Your sister was only trying to help, not hurt.

I had lice as a kid and it took forever to get rid or it. We also had a problem at are school. So they made the kids who had lice stay home "sick" from school wad were unable to return untill it was gone.

Also, if you put mayonnaise in her hair and let it sit it will somther all the lice. It is one one to get rid of them with out having to use chemicals all the time, but it only kills the adult lice, not the eggs. It helps if you remove all of the stuffed animals in her bed and place them in black plastic bags and set em in the sun for 2 weeks the lice will die and it will help stop a reinfestaion at home.
post #25 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
You have every right to be mad and upset. They should have called you first. Some children (like yours) could be allergic to the over the counter meds (I'm guessing they used Rid - that's the one I see on the shelves).

I hope your daughter is ok, but IMO I would ask your sister to pay for the doctor's visit!


I would be completely upset about it! You didn't know about her having them and they should have called you and told you to come and get her

Are they doing anything about her hair? What has the Dr said? Do you know what they used?
post #26 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by clixpix View Post
To be honest, I would be freaked out if someone were in my house and they had lice. It would be a very big deal to me.

Now, does that make it alright that your daughter was made to feel bad? No, but they might have been upset finding the lice. Frankly, I wouldn't let her sit on my couch/chair/bed either. There could have been more than eggs. If it were my niece, I would have been tempted to treat her myself as well.

I'm sure she never would have used that shampoo if she knew your daughter's hair would fall out. I'm going to assume since you let your daughter go there, that normally she's treated well, and that this is an isolated incident. Don't let this come between you and your sister.
Quote:
Originally Posted by mrblanche View Post
Gee, it sounds to me like everyone just needs to take a chill pill. You should never have sent your daughter to visit someone without either taking care of the problem, or telling them about it. Head lice have come back in a big way in the last couple of years, getting very hard to treat, and I don't think I'd react much differently if I suddenly found my niece visiting my house, spreading louse eggs around.

And when they discovered it, they should have called you and asked you if you knew about it before they did anything.

It's your daughter; her medical bills are your responsibility, even if the problem was caused by someone else--someone who, in this case, was trying to help you and your daughter.
I agree with both of these.

Personally I think it was irresponsible to send your child to your relatives house knowing that she had lice and not telling them about it.
post #27 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
I agree with both of these.

Personally I think it was irresponsible to send your child to your relatives house knowing that she had lice and not telling them about it.
She didn't know her daughter had head lice, just that she's had some problems in the past.

If I discovered my niece had head lice, I would ring my sister to make sure it's ok to treat it. I'm sure my brother and sister in law wouldn't think to tell me every single thing their kids are allergic to, or have reactions to.
post #28 of 29
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
Personally I think it was irresponsible to send your child to your relatives house knowing that she had lice and not telling them about it.
The OP has said a few times now that she DID NOT know that her daughter had head lice. She did say that she has had head lice in the past, but that she didn't know she had it again.


If you ask me, you have every right to be upset. I don't think you can be angry with your sister for her hair falling out, even though I would be distressed by that myself. However, I agree that she should have called you before treating her, even if just to say she planned to treat the lice. I think what you should be about is her making your daughter stand outside and treating her badly. She's young, and she probably does not understand why she was being treated like that. I would talk to your sister and thank her for treating the head lice (not matter how hard that may be seeing how her hair fell out as a result!) but tell her how you feel about the rest.
post #29 of 29
your poor daughter....she must have felt so embarrassed, which, IMO, the family had an obligation to protect her from, as much as is possible.
when I lived in the Bakersfield area in the 80s, headlice there were a real problem - and they were so resistant to Rid & Qwell - it was a nightmare. Anyway, I moved back up here, and my girls finally were rid of the pests, so I thought.....
One summer, my neighbor's granddaughter came up for a summer visit, and would come by daily & play with my older daughter but would refuse to play with my younger daughter because she has a severe speech problem. The visitor had headlice & my older daughter caught them. At the doctors, during inspection, the dr. announced that my younger daughter did NOT have lice, to which my younger daughter replied, "wheww! I sure am glad that Melanie doesn't like to play with me"
New Posts  All Forums:Forum Nav:
  Return Home
  Back to Forum: The Cat Lounge
TheCatSite.com › Forums › General Forums › The Cat Lounge › Mad/hurt....sad? long post/rant