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My mother was so nice last night!

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
I know today she will be back to her usual self, but we talked on the phone last night and she was SO kind, and even (dare I say?) loving! This has happened only a handful of times in my life so I know better than to let myself feel warm fuzzies... next time I speak with her it will be brutal again... but for a few minutes I "suspended belief" and imagined to myself that this is what's it is like to have a mom.

She even said she was going to send me my meds that I can't get here in Canada. She offered - I didn't ask for her help. The only time I had asked her to help me with getting my meds, she sent me a used, expired bottle in a package with a knife and an old, used-up lip balm. (Her way of saying she doesn't want to be bothered.) So I'm not counting on her help.

But I've been smiling last night and this morning, even though I know this behavior of hers not real or permanent. My husband thinks it's all very sad but I'm glad to accept the happiness I feel right now!
post #2 of 11
Awwwww Sometimes we need to be grateful for every little thing
post #3 of 11
Sometimes we need to hang onto a little bit of kindness. No matter what our parents have done we still want to feel love.
post #4 of 11
That makes me sad it is rare, but happy you can appreciate the small kind acts. I wonder if she knows how nice you are considering you giving her the opportunity to talk to you, which is very nice of you, I know some people that won't even speak with their parents and allow them to treat them badly. How is she with her grandchild?
post #5 of 11
Thread Starter 
Guess I should mention that my mother has Narcissistic Personality Disorder; she is unable to feel empathy. It sounds simple but the consequences are huge if you are unable to put yourself in someone else's shoes.

Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
That makes me sad it is rare, but happy you can appreciate the small kind acts. I wonder if she knows how nice you are considering you giving her the opportunity to talk to you, which is very nice of you, I know some people that won't even speak with their parents and allow them to treat them badly. How is she with her grandchild?

I used to be kind to her in the hopes that she would see how it's done, but then I changed to being kind to her simply because she gave birth to me, and because I don't like living with regrets so I try to avoid them.

Regarding grandchild:

Mother was invited but not interested in being present at the birth because she thought I was going to have a boy.

From infancy up until a few years ago, she doted on her granddaughter constantly with phone calls and visits when possible. When our daughter was 3 my mother told her that she was really her mother, and she's just letting my husband and I raise her... found this out when our daughter was wishing my mother "Happy Mother's Day" on the phone a couple of years later.

My mother thought it was very funny that she might be able to convince our daughter that she's not really ours.

My mother told me, my siblings, and all of her grandchildren that my daughter is her very favorite and that she loves her more than she's ever loved anyone. (This did not promote good feelings towards our daughter from most of the family.)

Now, our daughter is 10 and my mother has pretty much lost all interest. She likes babies and little kids but doesn't like when they are older and have their own opinions.

(My mother laughs at things like a story about a neighbor whose dog was carried off by wild animals... she finds those kinds of images very amusing.)
post #6 of 11
I know your mom is statistically far more likely to be the tiger than the lady... but I persist in believing that a person's best self is his real self. I'd like to think it was your real mother you were talking with last night.

I don't know whether that's any comfort or not... but at least it would mean that the bad mom is the illusion and the good mom is the reality. That would be good, wouldn't it?

I'm so glad Good Mom made an appearance!
post #7 of 11
aww that is sad. Im glad you have this happiness for not but am sad that it will not last. I know How you feel I have a similar problem with my father.
post #8 of 11
It's great that you can appreciate your mom has a debilitating illness and be understanding and forgiving to her. I always find it sad when people are sick and their family rejects them. You are a good daughter. It's not easy to be so kind and understanding when their illness impacts you so much. Bless you.
post #9 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
You are a good daughter.
Absolutely.
post #10 of 11
Thant´s great Cass!...... thank you for share this lovely moment of intimity with us!
post #11 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by CarolPetunia View Post
Absolutely.
I AGREE
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