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A letter to our pets lol...

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
Make sure your pets read this.

TAPE THIS LOW ON THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm!

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or
feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
Rather than the other way around. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it 'furniture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
post #2 of 11
Thanks for starting my day with a laugh
post #3 of 11
That is too funny and very cute too
post #4 of 11
Too cute.
post #5 of 11
that is just to cute, thank you. Mind if I pass it on?
post #6 of 11
I think my personal favorite is the one about the bathroom. I have given up on using the bathroom with the door closed. It is amazing how well my 4 cats & I can fit in the smallest room in the house. I tried to explain this to my Mom last Christmas when Jordan was at her house with me. He kept following her to her bathroom & sitting outside the door watching her. She still doesn't get it, but it cracks me up to know that this behavior is portable.
post #7 of 11
Thread Starter 
Go ahead and pass it on... My aunt sent it to me in an email.

I personally like the bathroom part, Mittens has perfected opening the bathroom door while im in there(I never close the door all the way, but when I do, she meows until I let her in lol.

I like the part where it say the object is not to beat me down the stairs. Mittens always has to make it down first. Monster has to make it up the stairs before me..
post #8 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by KiTTYL0VE4 View Post
Make sure your pets read this.

TAPE THIS LOW ON THE REFRIGERATOR DOOR

Dear Dogs and Cats,

The dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other
dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in the
middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming your food
and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the slightest.

The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not a racetrack. Beating me
to the bottom is not the object. Tripping me doesn't help because I fall
faster than you can run.

I cannot buy anything bigger than a king sized bed. I am very sorry about
this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the couch to ensure your
comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when they sleep. It
is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other stretched out to the
fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking tails straight out and
having tongues hanging out the other end to maximize space is nothing but
sarcasm!

For the last time, there is not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some
miracle I beat you there and manage to get the door shut, it is not
necessary to claw, whine, meow, try to turn the knob or get your paw under
the edge and try to pull the door open. I must exit through the same door
I entered. Also, I have been using the bathroom for years -- canine or
feline attendance is not required.

The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the other dog or cat's butt.
Rather than the other way around. I cannot stress this enough!

To pacify you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our
front door:

To All Non-Pet Owners Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:

1. They live here. You don't.
2. If you don't want their hair on your clothes, stay off the furniture.
(That's why they call it 'furniture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people.
4. To you, it's an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter who is
short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn't speak clearly.
Remember: In many ways, dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2. Don't ask for money all the time
3. Are easier to train
4. Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don't hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don't smoke or drink
8. Don't have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don't want to wear your clothes
10. Don't need a 'gazillion' dollars for college.

And finally,

11. If they get pregnant, you can sell their children.
Wow, that's great.
post #9 of 11
Cute. Amusing. Awesome.
post #10 of 11
I have seen this before, and it never fails to make me laugh!!!
post #11 of 11
That was good !

Check out the author Stacy Mantle if you like this kind of stuff, as Im sure we all do.
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