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How to do this....with kindess, compassion and as few tears as possible?

post #1 of 7
Thread Starter 
Yup, I'm awake again guys. Not really worried tonight, just trying to get something straight in my mind as to how I want to handle something.....decided to ask some of my peers what they thought, and any input that you guys give me will be well appreciated. I've already bent one of our members ears this morning, if I catch some of you on msn in the next few days, I may bend yours too....but I digress,.......

I have finally reached a breaking point with our financial/work situation. The guys came today and reposessed my van (why they couldn't come last week when it was not running, I don't know.....point being....at the moment, it's gone....and the arse tells me he wants the rest of the balance for it before I can have it back.....not going there either.

This is just the latest in a string of financial woes that we've been having, and I told Charlie at the first of this month that if numbers were up as of the end of the month, I will stay, at least to see what Thanksgiving and Christmas bring. Some years are busy, some are slow....am almost afraid that with the economy being like it is, that it will be slow.......I spent last Christmas season broke, we didn't even buy each other anything, and I don't want to go through that again, because to me, Christmas is so much about giving! Thats why most of my Secret Santa stuff has been picked up all year as I've had the money to do it....good thing too!

So.....here's the delimma for me. A few years ago I hurt Charlie badly...I had an online affair, and I never, ever, ever want to see him hurt like that again, not at my hands, and I know beyond the shadow of a doubt that is how he will react. And to be honest, I do not want to be the one to tell him we need to quit.....don't want it thrown up in my face for years to come in arguments, lol! The simple fact is, that he alone cannot do enough business to keep it afloat....the two of us barely can. What I'd like to do is find a part time job that maybe could work my hours in after say 1 pm until whenever. that way I could work my morning and delivery shift with him, and he'd be responsible for anything that afternoon.......but it would mean giving up the small bit of "quality us time" that he and I have in the evening just before bed when we have dinner and read the newspapers.

Mind you, when we first opened, I was working about 3/4 time at two jobs, would get in bed about 11, and be up for work around 4.......I think I can do it again, if need be, but it took a terrible toll on our marriage, so I know we'd have to work at it to keep that from happening again.

So...any ideas on things to do.....or how to tell the one person that you love more than anything in the word that you can't work like this anymore? I've worked with him since Sept. of 1992, but to be honest, the added stress and strain are starting to tell on me.....I read an article on what continual stress does for your body, and I'm starting to see the signs.....what's more, I've lost my will to go on, and to do anything.....I don't even work on my music or my miniatures anymore.....and thats not good!

ETA.....I'm off to bed in a few....I've had a couple of good nerve pills, and should be asleep soon, if not, will be crying my eyeballs out again trying to figure this out. I'll be goofy in the morning, but tonight, it's a drug night, lol!
post #2 of 7
Wow hun.... you're really in a pickle I wish I had something useful for you, but I don't - I hope things start to look up
post #3 of 7
Guys don't like to "discuss" things... have you ever noticed how their eyes cloud over when we say something like, "We need to talk."? Most men take "discussions" as criticism aimed at them. My advise is to just tell him you have a new plan that you believe will make things work better financially.

Outline the plan to him and tell him, unless he has a very good monetary argument against it, that this plan is what you have to do right now. Tell him it is best not only for you, but for the financial situation for both of you. Being in a partnership means sometimes one person makes a decision and tells the other about it. If it's reasonable, the other partner needs to accept this is what his or her SO needs.

Money problems are the number one cause of divorce. Not seeing each other much isn't good, but maybe having some financial pressure off would counteract that...

I wish you luck and hope things look up very soon!
post #4 of 7
Sweetheart, sit down beside him and tell him just what you told us. (with the tv turned off and side by side so he'll listen better).

Explaine to him that every night you go to bed worrying over basics, because you do not feel safe and secure in this financial aspect of your life. You think that you could help your family, bring financial security/stability to your home, and more happiness to both of your lives by seeking out an additional job to supplement your incomes. This way neithor of you have to live with the fear of not being able to make ends meet.

Be honest with him. It's not about insulting him, it's about being secure and feeling like you don't have to worry about putting food on the table or having your vehicles reposesed. This is something you need to do for both of you.

Good luck sweetie I'll be thinking about you
post #5 of 7
Thread Starter 
(actually, with his hearing loss, he prefers to talk to you where he can read lips if necessary, lol)

I actually wound up not having to discuss it, he had logged on and read my emails, a couple of which was a copy of this post that I'd sent to some friends who aren't members here for their advice. We've agreed that at least for the time being, I'm going to get a job, if things pick up, I can quit, if not, well, there's a lot of "other options" discussions going on at the moment, will wait and see on those.

Thanks guys, for all the help and vibes!
post #6 of 7
Originally Posted by SwampWitch View Post
Guys don't like to "discuss" things... have you ever noticed how their eyes cloud over when we say something like, "We need to talk."?
That's because we've learned that this really means, "I need to talk, and you need to listen."

But when it comes to finances, there comes a time when you have to brave enough to make a change. It sounds like what you're doing is making you miserable; there are too many jobs available in most places for people who are willing to work to let a bad situation stay bad.
post #7 of 7
Hey Cindy.... Sorry I cant add to the already perfect advice that you have been given but if you want to hear from a friendly voice just say the word and I will give you a jingle.... Here are some "everything will turn out for the better" vibes for You. .
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