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Remember my Hussy of a MIL???

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
Well she changed her plans. She moved that loser to Iowa a few weeks ago to live with her! It's been about three weeks since she's done that and since then she hasn't spoken to her own children! The daughter, 17, text me tonight about her mom being more worried about her boyfriend and his granddaughter, who he has custody of. The poor girl told me that she called her mom to confront her about it and she said "I've been wanting to call you, but I've been so busy". Bull. She lives 15 minutes away from her children and works in the same gosh darn small town! She's absolutely disgusting to me! Who does that to there own children!

If you don't remember, she met the guy on the internet in late June/early August, agreed to be engaged after two weeks of talking to him on the internet. Then she had her friends and their young daughter bring this complete stranger from Texas all the way to Iowa. Then, she doesn't care that her kids and ME see this stranger go into her bedroom and get ready to sleep the first day they ever actually met. DISGUSTING! Then she told everyone she was moving to Texas to be with him, and now she changed her mind and moved him up here. Oh and he's admitted to being an "ex" meth user, but he's still disgustingly skinny and is all sunken in, so I doubt that he has quit.

So now, she drives him to work everyday because he doesn't have a car, and my guess is that he doesn't have a license. She lives her life, and seems to have forgotten she has children of her own. Her oldest son and I moved into our very first house in September (the same small town she works in) and she has yet to come over. Although I have told her that if she thinks she can bring that psycho loser over to our house she's got another thing coming.

Rant ended, but I'm still PO'd!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!



Here's a link to my first thread with more info if you want to read it
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...ight=MIL+hussy
post #2 of 14
Unfortunately there's not much anyone can do. She has to live her own life and make her own mistakes. She has to remember that her children are going to be around a lot longer than this guy, and should treat them appropriately.

I think their best bet is to leave her be, and not speak out against it. No kid likes when their parent butts in and tells them they're making a bad decision, no matter how stupid it is, and neither does a parent. I think in this situation, you just need to be there for them when it fails.
post #3 of 14
Wow, that's pretty ridiculous. I'm sorry. :/
post #4 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahp View Post
Unfortunately there's not much anyone can do. She has to live her own life and make her own mistakes. She has to remember that her children are going to be around a lot longer than this guy, and should treat them appropriately.

I think their best bet is to leave her be, and not speak out against it. No kid likes when their parent butts in and tells them they're making a bad decision, no matter how stupid it is, and neither does a parent. I think in this situation, you just need to be there for them when it fails.

Yeah, I agree with this.

Though she sounds like she's actually depressed. From what I remember from the other thread, she sounds like she's gone off the deep end, which can also be a sign of depression.
post #5 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahp View Post
Unfortunately there's not much anyone can do. She has to live her own life and make her own mistakes.
I agree with Sarah as well It's sad to see, but if you start having a go at her she could dig her heels in deeper.

She'll realise in the end, but it could take time for the penny to drop
post #6 of 14
I agree that its her life but I'm thinking she is still in the "honeymoon" phase of this new relationship too. There will be some event sometime that will occur with this man that hopefully will open her eyes. Hey at least the guy has a job!!

Its unfortunate that she is not putting her children first. And good for you for not having this guy come over with her if she ever makes it to your house.

So whats up that he has his granddaughter? Does she attend school??
post #7 of 14
My mom walked out when I was two and she never looked back. Sunday was the first time in 28 years that she had remembered to call me and tell me happy birthday. The first time in 28 years and when she is with any man she completely forgets about her kids. She was with one man who threatened to kill my sister and she stayed with him. He threatened me as well and he got mad because since my dad raised me and I had only known him for a few weeks, at the age of 18, I would not call him my dad. Then she got with another man whom she also married, she has been married several times and there was a couple of men in between them, she refused to take me to the hospital when I was visiting her when I miscarried my baby. She never even gave it a second thought. She has never even seen my nephew who is six months old and my sister took him to see her and she wouldn't even go to the door. She has seen my niece like maybe three times and she will be three in feburary. So I know what its like to have a mother disert you. And I don't understand what could possible be more important than your children or grandchildren. When my mom left she walked out when I was two and my sister was 5 months old and left us alone while my dad was at work. So what your boyfriend's mother is doing could be much worse.
post #8 of 14
I agree that there isn't much you can actually do, but you can vent here all you want .

There are a few things I do want to say though...first, as Gail said, at least he has a job! That does say something about him and that he has some sense of responsibility and is not sponging off your MIL. Also, the fact that he may not have a license doesn't make him a terrible person. I know a few people that don't have a license for medical reasons or personal reasons. It is harsh to judge him on that fact.

I know you feel like your MIL abandonded her family because of him. But, she didn't move to be with him which is also a plus. I agree, they are still in the honeymoon stage and will eventually settle down and be normal, or split up. The bottom line is your MIL is an adult and is allowed to make her own choices. Is it really a good idea to tell her she can't bring him over to your house? Think about it. That is just causing a bigger rift in the family. There are certain times in a family where you just have to suck it up and be the bigger person for the good of everyone. It's hard but it can be done. Has anyone in the family actually tried to get to know him? Just a few things to think about.
post #9 of 14
There are some women who just cannot function without a man, even at the expense of their kids. I believe those women has some mental issues, either through childhood trauma or something in their background.

It's almost as though if they don't have "a man", any man, they are less than others and I don't think there is a thing in the world you can do or say that will change who she is. So, you either accept her for who she is or completely sever all ties to her if it disturbs you that much to see her like this.
post #10 of 14
Thats a shame she is being so vunrable and dense about all of this! but you got to let people live and learn even if it hurts people on the way , i know its hard and its pissing u off but unfortuantly some people dont think about hurting people they just get on with it i guess!
:Hug:
Jess x
post #11 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by sarahp View Post
Unfortunately there's not much anyone can do. She has to live her own life and make her own mistakes. She has to remember that her children are going to be around a lot longer than this guy, and should treat them appropriately.

I think their best bet is to leave her be, and not speak out against it. No kid likes when their parent butts in and tells them they're making a bad decision, no matter how stupid it is, and neither does a parent. I think in this situation, you just need to be there for them when it fails.
That's very true. I'll just let her ruin her life and hurt her kids I think it's terrible that she can't even see what she's doing to her children. Her daughter was already upset before this guy came a long because of things that were said to her. Everything is just compounding.

Oh and she's having the kids lie to their dad about the boyfriend. That's great, so the real dad is pissed at the kids because he thinks they are lying and going behind his back, when it's the irresponsible mom that can't take blame for her own actions


Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
Yeah, I agree with this.

Though she sounds like she's actually depressed. From what I remember from the other thread, she sounds like she's gone off the deep end, which can also be a sign of depression.
Yeah she was really bad for awhile. Then she met this guy and said she has never been happier in her entire life If only she wasn't blind.

Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
I agree with Sarah as well It's sad to see, but if you start having a go at her she could dig her heels in deeper.

She'll realise in the end, but it could take time for the penny to drop
You're very right, she could dig her heels deeper.... I'll keep out of this then. She knows I think she's making a lot of bad decisions and I don't want any part of it. That's enough for me.

Quote:
Originally Posted by GailC View Post
I agree that its her life but I'm thinking she is still in the "honeymoon" phase of this new relationship too. There will be some event sometime that will occur with this man that hopefully will open her eyes. Hey at least the guy has a job!!

Its unfortunate that she is not putting her children first. And good for you for not having this guy come over with her if she ever makes it to your house.

So whats up that he has his granddaughter? Does she attend school??
Yeah true....at least he has a job...

I'm glad you agree about not letting him come over. I don't feel comfortable with it, but I also don't want people to think I'm being a baby about it. I did tell her if she ever brought him over I would take him outside and have a very "nice" chat with him and what I think of the situation, then lock him outside.

Oh and the granddaughter is I think 2? Maybe a bit younger. Don't ask me where she goes during the day

Quote:
Originally Posted by Tavia'smom View Post
My mom walked out when I was two and she never looked back. Sunday was the first time in 28 years that she had remembered to call me and tell me happy birthday. The first time in 28 years and when she is with any man she completely forgets about her kids. She was with one man who threatened to kill my sister and she stayed with him. He threatened me as well and he got mad because since my dad raised me and I had only known him for a few weeks, at the age of 18, I would not call him my dad. Then she got with another man whom she also married, she has been married several times and there was a couple of men in between them, she refused to take me to the hospital when I was visiting her when I miscarried my baby. She never even gave it a second thought. She has never even seen my nephew who is six months old and my sister took him to see her and she wouldn't even go to the door. She has seen my niece like maybe three times and she will be three in feburary. So I know what its like to have a mother disert you. And I don't understand what could possible be more important than your children or grandchildren. When my mom left she walked out when I was two and my sister was 5 months old and left us alone while my dad was at work. So what your boyfriend's mother is doing could be much worse.
Oh my gosh that is horrible! I am so sorry about that. I just don't understand how any mom could walk out on her kids. Do some moms just not create that ever lasting loving bond! It's so sad.


Quote:
Originally Posted by calico2222 View Post
I agree that there isn't much you can actually do, but you can vent here all you want .

There are a few things I do want to say though...first, as Gail said, at least he has a job! That does say something about him and that he has some sense of responsibility and is not sponging off your MIL. Also, the fact that he may not have a license doesn't make him a terrible person. I know a few people that don't have a license for medical reasons or personal reasons. It is harsh to judge him on that fact.

I know you feel like your MIL abandonded her family because of him. But, she didn't move to be with him which is also a plus. I agree, they are still in the honeymoon stage and will eventually settle down and be normal, or split up. The bottom line is your MIL is an adult and is allowed to make her own choices. Is it really a good idea to tell her she can't bring him over to your house? Think about it. That is just causing a bigger rift in the family. There are certain times in a family where you just have to suck it up and be the bigger person for the good of everyone. It's hard but it can be done. Has anyone in the family actually tried to get to know him? Just a few things to think about.
True true, but I don't trust him AT ALL! All of us tried to get to know him, but he's just so gross! He looks terrible, smoking constantly, I immediately thought he was a crack head because I had a few old friends that went down that path. And you never know if what he's saying is the truth! I don't trust one thing he says!



One lie was: I don't have any family because I was stolen when I was kid

and: I used to have this really fancy classic car worth a lot of money, then I crashed it, rolled it 18 times, you couldn't even tell what the car was. A cop came and asked me what I was doing and I told him I was walking home. The cop couldn't believe that was my car because I didn't have one scratch on me and I kept walking home

and: I work at least 12 hours a day, doing dredging. Sometimes I work 18 hours, and one time I went for 36 hours of working straight (what the heck kind of job would let you do that?!). And then to top it all off he's not tan whats-so-ever, lives in TX, and works at least 12 hours a day??? When you question why he isn't tan, it's because he works the night shift. !!!!!!!The sun is only down so long!!!!!!

and: he's native american and has been on spirit quests on the reserves First of all....pale skin? working a lot of hours????? And don't you have to prove that you are at least a large percentage native american and that includes knowing your family? How could he do that if he doesn't know his family because he was stolen as a child?
post #12 of 14
I feel your pain. My MIL had an affair with a skanky cab driver almost right across the street from us. I had to keep her secret from her husband, even though he was equally skanky.
He was her 3rd husband, not dh's father.
She left dh in a motel room alone at 6 months old, and his grandparents took him. It was 6 months before she came looking for him. She said it must have been them, so she wasn't worried. She didn't want to be bothered with him until he got social Security when his real dad died. Then he was her baby. She didn't get him.
I hope your MIL gets tired of him soon. Maybe he is not Mr. Right, just Mr. Right Now.
post #13 of 14
When DH and his ex divorced she moved into her bf's house with his parents. They were about 15/20 mins from us at the most. But she did not bother to come down to take her child for visitation times and only had him a few hrs during the holidays she was supposed to have him. DH calculated that one year she spend a total of 10 HOURS for the entire year with her son.

The kids were teens, but still doesn't excuse her actionsn. We never denied her any time - she chose NOT to take it. Seems she's tried to make up for some things in the past year or two - after the kids were 18 and on their own.

The sad thing is that parents who don't bother with their kids cannot make up the time they have lost. They have to live with their decisions.

As far as her in your home - you and your husband have every right NOT to allow this "man" into your house. I certainly would not.
post #14 of 14
Sorry, it is almost unbelieveable.
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