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Why are they flirting with me?

post #1 of 14
Thread Starter 
I know this is sort of a strange question to ask a bunch of strangers and I feel like a complete fool asking but Im a little clueless sometimes
So I've recently (sort of, about 10 months ago) moved from WA to ME and since I've been here, married/unavailable guys are flirting with me. Maybe its my west coast accent, I dunno. I'm not flirting with them, I've got no self esteem so I dont flirt with anyone! I was helping someone out the other day and he had a few friends helping too, and Im doing my own thing, just trying to get the job done and Im in the room with two other guys. One guy starts talking to the other guy and just happens to mention how old he is, things he likes to do, and then he asks me my age, what I do, what I want to be etc. Later on he asks me if I give back rubs. He didnt ask the guys if they gave back rubs. (I said no, actually I didnt even say no, I just shook my head) And then (later) he's asking me how I like my car because he thinks they seem like good cars etc etc but his wife wont let him have one. My neighbor (who since sold his house) had a friend that would whistle at me, the guy lived with his girlfriend. Now a friend of mine from WA, who is married and has like half a dozen kids, is texting me and flirting. And he's not being subtle about it! I dont know whats going on! I dont even know how to respond! Its just weird, nobody flirted with me in Washington, married or not!
post #2 of 14
errr, and why would they not flirt with you?
more then half of flirting is just being friendly(i get accused of flirting all the time, not that i would do that ).
post #3 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by theimp98 View Post
more then half of flirting is just being friendly(i get accused of flirting all the time, not that i would do that ).
Same here. My ex told me that I flirt all of the time and I'm not even aware of it.

Taking an interest in someone on a platonic level, by being friendly, listening (not just the words, but what is between the words), understanding, and saying nice things, or giving an ego boost with a compliment, seems to constitute flirting.
post #4 of 14
I would just take most of them as a compliment but the one who is texting you I would let him know you are just friends. But the others sound harmless.
post #5 of 14
Maybe it’s the time of year lol. I am in the same situation. I can tell you in the last 4 month I have had at least 6 married/taken guys activity pursue me. Actually now that I think of it, it is probably more… I don’t know where it came from, but it’s quite annoying. I’m pretty outspoken though and when I get asked stupid questions like “do I give back rubs†or “do I like foot rubs†I usually tell them to ask theirs wife’s.

What’s sort of scary to me are these are really good men. Two are very religious Christians who go to church multiple times a week and once a week do volunteer stuff for their churches. The others are really nice, nerdy, shy guys… or at least I thought they were… these aren’t the typical sleazy guys.
I would ignore it… or do what I do and openly call them out. It could be your accent. Possibly the guys think it’s totally sexy, who knows… just don’t let it bother you because these guys are scum…ignore it.
post #6 of 14
Not weird at all. Because of the abuse my ex did (verbal) I had little self esteem and really didn't care if guys talked to me, etc. After my divorce a strange thing happened. Tho I didn't think I was doing/acting different, something must have changed.

All of a sudden I had guys (strangers) in the grocery store talking to me - no one would ever do that when I was married. I was shy anyway when it came to guys. Dated very little in highschool, etc.

I also had guys on the internet talking to me and flirting. I slowly LEARNED how to flirt online as I never did that in real life. It did help my self confidence and I was safe as it was online.

By the time I met my hubby I was a lot more open and knew how to flirt. That was one thing that attracted him to me - was I was fun and self confident.

Maybe you are more self confident then you realize, and maybe its the accent too. But make it very clear that you don't mess around with married men and you won't cross that line.

As far as the married guy in WA - tell him to go back to his wife and give her the attention he's giving you!
post #7 of 14
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
Taking an interest in someone on a platonic level, by being friendly, listening (not just the words, but what is between the words), understanding, and saying nice things, or giving an ego boost with a compliment, seems to constitute flirting.
You know I hadnt thought of it like that, thanks for pointing it out (now I feel stupid, lol)

Quote:
Originally Posted by silvionc View Post
just don’t let it bother you because these guys are scum…ignore it.
Thats the thing, these guys are nice too!

Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
As far as the married guy in WA - tell him to go back to his wife and give her the attention he's giving you!
Maybe I'll just leave my phone uncharged for a few days

Thanks guys! I've got a bit of a new perspective on it and I dont feel like Im oozing flirty vibes behind my own back
post #8 of 14
I'm also pretty convinced that -- given the right opportunity -- that a guy will flirt... as with us gals, some are better at it than others. And some men, given the right opportunity, will seek something outside of their established relationships. I have had this problem my whole life. I am also shy with men, but project an air of self-confidence.. I have a vivacious personality, with a distinctive laugh....

I agree with another poster - I usually say - why don't you ask your wife, talk to your wife, etc. That usu. shuts them up and sends the message that you're not gonna take their crap.

EDIT: oh, one more thing, a little harmless flirting is ok from a married guy, but I don't consider a come-on from one a compliment. They are usu only thinking about themselves and getting a little sumthin, sumthin on the side.
post #9 of 14
Maybe it's because you are so flirtable. Listen, I am also from WA and I know how flirtable the women are from there!
post #10 of 14
I think men mistake being friendly with flirting. I met my boyfriend in a class- he sat next to me, and we had to work in a group sometimes. He was nice, so I made small talk with him from time to time. One day he overheard that I had broken up with my (now ex) boyfriend, and asked me for my number. I thought he was going to be absent from class and wanted to know the homework assignment so I said, "OK... what was your name again?"

It turns out, he asked me for my number because he thought I had been flirting with him by "talking to him, making eye contact, and laughing at his jokes"!
post #11 of 14
So did you go out with him? What's the "rest of the story" ?????
post #12 of 14
Quote:
Originally Posted by GoldenKitty45 View Post
So did you go out with him? What's the "rest of the story" ?????
Me? I did go out with him. We went on maybe three dates before I got back together with my ex. I dated with my ex for two and a half more years, and then we broke up for good. (If I knew then what I know now, I would have not tried to work things out with my ex!)

I got back in contact with Mike, my boyfriend now , through myspace. I sent out a "Happy Valentines Day" greeting to everybody who was listed as my friend. He thought that I had sent a Valentine's Day greeting to him only, again mistakenly thought that I was expressing romantic interest in him, and asked me out again.

I'm lucky that he wasn't dating anyone else when I sent out "Happy Valentine's Day!"
post #13 of 14
It's normal and healthy behavior to flirt. It's part of the human language of being friendly/passive. Now, if they are saying stupid corny pick up lines then they are taking it too far

I flirt, always do, even in front of DH, lol. He does too, but thats not hitting on them or even meaning anything.
post #14 of 14
as bad as it might sound, I love to flirt. Of course I'm a bit shy so I dont do it often. But when I do find a "flirt buddy" I enjoy it fully. My boyfriend knows this, and he doesn't mind. (we had the flirting talk). That said, if they cross a line (like your friend in WA) I would sidestep, usually by sending them some stories that were on topic, or ask if they (them and their wife) would like to go on a doubt date with my boyfriend and I to see a movie. Great way to show how happily taken you are without embrassing them...
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