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Wow, I'm in real bad situation - Page 2

post #31 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmycat1 View Post
First let me say I love my husband very much. I have a friend (guy) online that I've kinda falling in love with. (OOPS) He's happily married and there would never be anything between us. I haven't been able to tell him how I feel because I'm afraid he'll back away and I'll lose him as a friend. I feel like if I don't get this out I'll self destruct. What should I do about this?
I would not tell him nor would I talk to him anymore. It is not fair to your husband or his wife. Nor is it fair to him to put him in that position. I know how it feels to have a spouse talk to others on the internet and that is even hard to swallow even when the other person is married because of this very reason. I hate it when my boyfriend starts talking to girls on the internet. Just think of how you would feel if your husband was talking to some girl on the internet that you felt had other intentions other then just friends. Maybe Im wrong but I bet it wouldn't make you feel good.
post #32 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by fwan View Post
I know others have said to cut him off, you should if you know he is completely happy with his wife.

But firstly look at your relationship, is this working with DH?
even if he is not happy it is still not fair. People who are having problems with their marriage don't need to make it worse. They need time to work things out or get out of it. Until they make that decision and are no longer together or living together he should be off limits no matter what. Same for your marriage. I know you are happy and not thinking of this now but you are still walking in dangerous waters right now.
post #33 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets View Post
We started out talking, moved it to flirting as we both admitted we were crushing and infatuated with each other. We both admitted we would never leave our SO for the other person. We are now best friends who can tell each other the things we would never tell our spouses.

Now that you have realized it is a crush, you can deal with it easier. Don't tell your husband anything. Just ride the fun ride. Put the new feelings to work, transfer the crush to your husband. Thats what we did.
How much time do you spend investing telling secrets and sharing your life with that someone else on the other end of the cable in the "best friends" way when you knew you were both infatuated with each other, just from the Internet? Just seems to ME, wrong. If your husband was doing this with another woman, how would you feel? Knowing it is/was a crush and he is/was infatuated with them and now considers them a best friend where he tell secrets to them he wouldn't tell his wife? To me, this is dangerous and emotionally cheating and would make me feel not right.
Quote:
Originally Posted by Sweets View Post
Don't tell your husband anything. Just ride the fun ride. Put the new feelings to work, transfer the crush to your husband. Thats what we did.
Ride a fun ride? Sounds like the ride that leads to no place good. Who is the "we"? You and the Internet friend are now sharing those type of stories about the transfer of feelings/emotions/passions? Oh boy.......
Please be careful! For everyone who is involved sake. It isn't just you two, you two each have SO's, maybe kids involved, it is more than just you.
post #34 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by luvmycat1 View Post
I don't want to leave my husband. This whole thing is stupid really, I just got caught off gaurd.
Good reality check! Now just stop talking to the "other"
post #35 of 38
Why even put yourself there? You are married, and he is married. There is nothing right about it, not even for yourself. Step away from the computer and put that man on ignore - you have no business talking to him like that. Period. I have not read any of the other responses, I could care less about the popularity vote...

I can tell you right now - It's not worth the hurt. Seriously, I could just cry for your husband and the other mans wife. you said it... "Wow, I'm in real bad situation" - Yes, very "bad" and sad.

You can't help who you fall in love with, but once in love - It's a choice. You have a choice to be loyal and loving to that man the rest of your life. It's all choice. After that, nothing is accidental.

LOVE IS A CHOICE. Make it and walk away.

edit to add: Karma - I believe in it 10 fold. If you think a cheating man, or you... a cheating woman will get a "good" long lasting relationship that was created out of cheating - Think again.
post #36 of 38
First of all, he is a married man. Whether or not you are married, this will seldom ever be a winning situation for you. I have heard of so many women having affairs (knowlngly) with married men for years, and still wonder why the guy does not divorce his wife for them...hello...why should he? Not to be crude, but he is getting the best of both worlds. Someone is cleanin and cooking for him; and he gets exciting sex aways from home. Also, in my opinion, a person who cheats on their spouse like that will not make a good spouse for anyone else (I realise that there may be some legitimate reasons for technical adultery--such as being in an abusive relationship with someone who won;t grant you a divorce, etc., and the abused spouse is seeking love elsewhere). I saw this happen in my family. My uncle was cheating with the neighbor;s wife; they both divorced to marry; years later, he was shocked when she cheated on him. Even if someone commits adultery, and the other spouse says they forgive them, and takes them back, you can bet the other spouse will never trust the cheating spouse ever again.

I also agree with what others have said--you don;t even really know this guy (heck, he could be a she for all you know). You say you are happy with your husband, and love him. Are you willing to throw all of that away for this????

My advice: STOP now! Do not let this go any further. The hard part: not renewing the relationship, since it is an online one. It would be sooo easy to do it again, unless everyone changes their email adresses, phone numbers, etc., so you both have absolutely no way to contact each other. This realistically is not gonna happen, so you will need to have self-control.

Also, I would not tell your huuby about it. Just stop it immediately, before it becomes *mental* adultery. If you have any evidence of this relationship, such as printed-out chats or emails, destroy them now.

Put yourself in your hubby;s shoes--imagine how hurt and angry you would be, if the tables were turned.

Also, you should do some deep soul-searching, and ponder why you wish to be involved with another man. What is missing in your marriage, and how can you work with it to make a better marriage?

I hope you don*t think I am being harsh or mean. I am just telling it the way I see it, and truly hope this does help you in some way.
post #37 of 38
hmm if it was me, I would take a break, if possible get a couple days off near the weekend and take a trip by yourself, leave your computer and phone at home and just spend some time with yourself and your thoughts. I agree its very easy to fall for someone online since it is "safe" and fantasy, but it could just be pointing to a problem in your marriage, and if so, getting away to think about where the two of you are, where you were, and where you want to be might be a good idea. Besides, if nothing else you can see who you miss the most...my guess is when it comes down to it, it will be your husband...
post #38 of 38
Quote:
Originally Posted by cococat View Post
How much time do you spend investing telling secrets and sharing your life with that someone else on the other end of the cable in the "best friends" way when you knew you were both infatuated with each other, just from the Internet? Just seems to ME, wrong. If your husband was doing this with another woman, how would you feel? Knowing it is/was a crush and he is/was infatuated with them and now considers them a best friend where he tell secrets to them he wouldn't tell his wife? To me, this is dangerous and emotionally cheating and would make me feel not right.
Ride a fun ride? Sounds like the ride that leads to no place good. Who is the "we"? You and the Internet friend are now sharing those type of stories about the transfer of feelings/emotions/passions? Oh boy.......
Please be careful! For everyone who is involved sake. It isn't just you two, you two each have SO's, maybe kids involved, it is more than just you.
What my post was saying is that once you admit it is an infatuation, it is no longer dangerous. Once I admitted to myself that he was just an infatuation, the "Oh my goodness, he's online. I HAVE to talk to him" feelings were put into perspective. We are NOW best friends. Both spouses know about this friendship.

My SO had no problem with me having male friends because he wasn't threatened by it. He knew I loved him, and he knew our relationship was strong. Same reaction from my friend's spouse. They also knew that full and complete disclosure is not the healthiest way to have a relationship. There are things in my past I would never tell a new SO. And yes, there are things in my daily life that really doesn't have to be shared at home, because they are insignificant. If I happen to notice a gorgeous man in the store, I didn't run home and tell my SO. But I can tell my best friend and drool over the eye-candy. (Like I said, we were committed, not blind) Just like you would tell your best friend about the gorgeous pair of shoes or dress. Or how much that dress really cost that you snuck into the back of your closet.
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