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Married people advice

post #1 of 19
Thread Starter 
Have any of you married people ever entertained a little crush on someone that you know (not like a movie star or entertainer)? Not acted on it, just privately enjoyed it while keeping it to one's self.

Is it wrong to do that?

There is a guy that I mentioned in a previous thread that just fascinates me. I really enjoy talking with him and just listening to him. I just feel really, really weird about it and for some reason I have the uncontrollable urge to flirt shamelessly with him. We are both married - not to each other and I am just not sure exactly how guilty I should feel about this.

Here is the thread where I mentioned him earlier.
http://www.thecatsite.com/forums/sho...d.php?t=163340
post #2 of 19
Well, married people are not blind by any means, so I do think it's normal to notice an attractive person on occassion...but as far as entertaining thoughts or fantasies about them, I honestly try not to do anything like that. When you start to let your mind wonder it just doesn't lead to good things and can eventually cause a mental rift between you and your s.o.
post #3 of 19
Yep, everytime i walk in the mall, i fall in love, at least 10 time in a hour lol
but yea, i once really liked someone, and she used to flirt with me big time.
she was married also, gave me her phone number.

i never did call it.
post #4 of 19
You shouldn't feel guilty about realizing another man is attractive or interesting to talk to. And, casual flirting is good for the ego and harmless...although "shameless" flirting is another thing. Just because you're married doesn't mean you can't appriciate an attractive male. The guy that sits next to me at work is gorgeous, and I LOVE how he looks in dress pants. Plus, he's interesting to talk to, but that's as far as it goes. You know where to draw the line, but I think noticing someone of the opposite sex is attractive is fine as long as you don't act on it.
post #5 of 19
This is exactly why I will probably never get married.
post #6 of 19
I think it depends. I don't think noticing someone is attractive is wrong or being friends with that person but past that if you are married or committed for that matter I think its wrong. But that's just me. I was raised in a very strict family which is kind of funny because I tend to be a friendly person and at times it can be misconstrewed as me being flirtatious. But you have to know where to draw the line because before long if you keep crossing them they all become hazy. And that is never a good thing.
post #7 of 19
I think what your doing is perfectly innocent. If it were to advance past just cute flirting then I think it would be wrong. But its totally natural to be attracted to other people.
post #8 of 19
If I knew I had feelings like that, and enjoyed talking and listening to this other person that much - I would not socialize with that person unless my SO was there with me and no contact if SO is not. There is no sense for me to be around and listen to, talk to, and entertain someone that I have feelings like that, do you think those feelings will probably just get stronger, I mean, what good will come out of it? Why do that to my SO, or myself, or to that person, or that person's SO, they can feel the attraction probably? If you are questioning how it feels and if it is wrong, then well, that is probably a red flag to you not to proceed forward any more. That is just me.
post #9 of 19
Thread Starter 
The only times that we see each other is when the committee that we are both a part of meets. I have told myself if it goes any further that there will be an email of resignation on its way to the city manager's office within the hour. So far this is all just in my head...for all I know, he may just think that I am an annoying chick that likes to talk to him
post #10 of 19
Just be sure and never say or do anything that you wouldn't be completely comfortable saying or doing if your SO was standing right beside you. That should keep things "safe." This goes for conversations, emails, anythings.

C
post #11 of 19
The guy was probably wearing some kind of pheromone cologne.

Write down those fantasies and publish a romance novel.
post #12 of 19
IMO you should not put yourself in a position that you are alone with each other. Sometimes it doesn't take very much to cross that line. Too many "affairs" start out like yours.

IMO whatever you are discussing with this guy, you really should be discussing with your spouse. Your spouse is SUPPOSED to be your best friend, lover and spouse - all in one!
post #13 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by pee-cleaner View Post
Just be sure and never say or do anything that you wouldn't be completely comfortable saying or doing if your SO was standing right beside you. That should keep things "safe." This goes for conversations, emails, anythings.

C
Well-put, excellent advice!
post #14 of 19
Tread carefully, Welderwoman. Noticing a good looking guy and fantisizing about him are 2 different things. It could easily cause a wedge between you and your partner.
post #15 of 19
Thread Starter 
So should I tell my hubby and see what he thinks?
post #16 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
So should I tell my hubby and see what he thinks?
Actually, I'm just stupid enough to do something like that.

But, realistically, unless you are planning on acting on your impulses, keep a distance from that guy, don't upset your hubby and act like a lady.
post #17 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by WELDRWOMN View Post
Have any of you married people ever entertained a little crush on someone that you know (not like a movie star or entertainer)? Not acted on it, just privately enjoyed it while keeping it to one's self.

Is it wrong to do that?
I think it's probably natural. Remember the song, "Don't close your eyes tonight?"

I'm just puzzled that all my guy friends tell me about women hitting on them all the time, and it never happens to me! I must exude the "married" smell, or something. Some smell, anyway!
post #18 of 19
Thread Starter 
Well, anyways, I came home tonight and told him about how I found this guy on the committee attractive and such and so forth. Bottom line is that he trusts me and I am not going to do anything to betray that trust. I told him that if he was ever uncomfortable with me being on the committee with that guy that i would quit the committee with no questions and no problem. Besides, it is a small enough town that he knows the guy, and the guy knows my hubby and his parents (our neighbors).
post #19 of 19
Quote:
Originally Posted by Yosemite View Post
...keep a distance from that guy, don't upset your hubby and act like a lady.
You can't help what you feel, but you can control what you say.

EDIT:
Oops. Too late, I see!
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