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Who's the parent here?

post #1 of 11
Thread Starter 
My parents took both of the boys to SeaWorld for the weekend to give Brandon and I a break from them

But before they left, I was "tattled" on

I told my oldest son to pack 3 days worth of clothes, socks, underwear, shirts, etc.. Well, he asked where he was going and I told him "It's a cool suprise, just pack your things"

He had an absolute meltdown and said he wouldn't pack until I told him. So I said "Fine, don't pack. But you won't get the suprise if you don't"
He stormed off to his room and closed the door.
About 15 mins later I got a phone call from his dad.

He called his dad and told him I wasn't allowing him to have "the big suprise" and Deacon (his little brother) was allowed to.
I got so angry! I hung up on his dad and about 15 mins later, my mom called..
My ex husband called my mother and told her I was being mean to Justice and he wasn't allowed to go to Seaworld and that Deacon shouldn't be allowed to go if Justice isn't allowed! Mind you, Deacon is NOT his son.

My mom knows I know how to handle the boys and didn't think anything of it but just called to let me know, my 10yr old son is "tattling on me"

On top of it all, my ex ruined the suprise and told Justice where they were going to for the weekend

My son came in and apologized for having a tantrum and said he was packing.
When I told him he needed to stop calling his father and telling on me every time I discipline him he started having a crying fit and stormed away again!

When I followed him into his room he was calling his dad... AGAIN!
So I took the phone away and he threatened me that if I didn't give it back, he was going to tell Deacon what the suprise was!
Of course I didn't give him the phone back and told him if he even breathed about them going to Seaworld that he would end up sitting in his room the entire weekend while Deacon went and he didn't.

I ended up letting Justice go because my parents already paid for the ticket and didn't want to see them lose the money but I think I'm going to get Justice some individual therapy because I can't handle it anymore!

Anymore it seems to be that he thinks he's the parent and I'm the child!


Sorry... I had to vent.
post #2 of 11
Sounds like Justice is playing one off against the other?. The therapy sounds a good idea though.

Did you enjoy your weekend with Brandon in the end?
post #3 of 11
It certainly sounds like a complicated situation and the fact that your ex doesn't back you up on discipline issues just makes it worse...

Is there anyway you could convince you ex not to take your son's side all the time..Seriously kids need to know there are rules and boundaries and it's obvious you are trying to teach him that but your ex sure isn't helping.
post #4 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Rosiemac View Post
Sounds like Justice is playing one off against the other?. The therapy sounds a good idea though.

Did you enjoy your weekend with Brandon in the end?
Very much so! We went to the beach and watched some street performers last night and had a really good time

Quote:
Originally Posted by tierre0 View Post
It certainly sounds like a complicated situation and the fact that your ex doesn't back you up on discipline issues just makes it worse...

Is there anyway you could convince you ex not to take your son's side all the time..Seriously kids need to know there are rules and boundaries and it's obvious you are trying to teach him that but your ex sure isn't helping.
I've talked with him numerous times but it just doesn't seem to work.
I'm hoping that the counsiling will help Justice understand what his dad's doing isn't always right
post #5 of 11
It sounds to me like you and your ex husband need to put your differences aside and sit down and talk about the situation. You both need to be on the same page and both know and understand that what you are hearing from your son may not be the truth, and that he's playing both of you against each other.
post #6 of 11
I am only 16 but i can say he is defenitaly playing one of against the other , he might think that the benifit of this is he will get double the attention ect,,

I would recommend you say to your ex if he does not start to back you up you may have to re think things , because if he keeps letting Justice get away with everything it will be you that suffers in the end , sorta like yoiu are now , from a child/teenagers point of view he needds some one outside the family to give him advice and let him no its not rght to play mum and dad of against each other , he could end up with NO one on his side ect ect.

Hope you can resolve things
Jess x
post #7 of 11
Maybe because your ex is behaving like this because he likes to stick up for his own child? You did mention that the other one wasnt his so this could be related to jealousy.

IMO i think he does need therapy. The sooner you send him the less problems youre going to have.
post #8 of 11
I would look into therapy. Like fwan said, the sooner you get him there the less problems you will have in the future.

Your ex also needs to back you up when you discipline him. He needs to understand that just because you are not together any more you still are a TEAM in raising your son. I think you and your ex need to have a talk about how the rules at your house are YOUR rules and he really has no right to call you up ane tell you what to do. Before he calls you or your mother giving his opnion, he needs to hear the entire story from an adult. It is VERY unlikely you will get the WHOLE truth out of a child who is upset and thinks you are being unfair. Not saying that he is lieing, but he might leave out some imporant factors, like I doubt he told his father that he was told to do something and refused to do it. If he did and your ex still called you and your mother, then he needs to shut the heck up and let you handle issues that happen on your watch.
post #9 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Dixie_Darlin View Post
I've talked with him numerous times but it just doesn't seem to work.
I'm hoping that the counsiling will help Justice understand what his dad's doing isn't always right
Is there any way to get his father to go to counsiling with you? Honestly I think that any good you do with Justice is going to be counterminded by his dad, since I'm sure he will try to rebel at first (and do all he can to resist before he goes with the flow) and if by doing this he calls his dad and he tells him that he (Justice) is in the right, I think you will have alot harder time with it....
post #10 of 11
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
It sounds to me like you and your ex husband need to put your differences aside and sit down and talk about the situation. You both need to be on the same page and both know and understand that what you are hearing from your son may not be the truth, and that he's playing both of you against each other.
I agree with Linda

Good luck Alycia, I hope you guys are able to sort everything out. You really need to get a handle on him before it gets worse. I think that the therapy is an excellent idea
post #11 of 11
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
It sounds to me like you and your ex husband need to put your differences aside and sit down and talk about the situation. You both need to be on the same page and both know and understand that what you are hearing from your son may not be the truth, and that he's playing both of you against each other.
We've been divorced since 2002. We've put our differnces aside a long time ago
I'm well aware that he's playing sides against each other. The problem seems to be that Justice thinks that his father will get him out of any situation that he's in
And honestly, his father will
Quote:
Originally Posted by othie View Post
Is there any way to get his father to go to counsiling with you? Honestly I think that any good you do with Justice is going to be counterminded by his dad, since I'm sure he will try to rebel at first (and do all he can to resist before he goes with the flow) and if by doing this he calls his dad and he tells him that he (Justice) is in the right, I think you will have alot harder time with it....
I've tried for years to get him to go to counsiling but to no avail, he won't go.
He thinks there is nothing wrong with him or Justice
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