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An interesting night...

post #1 of 18
Thread Starter 
Okay, so to start this story off properly, I have been seeing this girl Tabatha for the past 2 months and we have really been hitting it off. We spend a lot of time together and we skip class together sometimes ... Okay so this past thursday night her Dad calls her and asks her if she wants to come over for dinner on Friday (yesterday) and she is like yeah. She then says Daddy can I bring my friend over. Well he said it was okay and at this point I'm kind of nervous because in the past I have often had bad experiences with meeting girls parents because right off the bat they automatically judge me because i have Tattoos and Piercings on my body. So Friday rolls around and we go to her Dad's house and he was really happy to see his daughter. (she lives in an apartment.) and then she introduces me and to my surprise he was very nice to me and had no problem with my appearance. I mean I was dressed nicely for the occasion I think just like her. I was wearing jeans and a Polo shirt. So we start talking in the front room and he mentions that he has classic cars and we hit it off right away because I love classic cars and worked on them all throughout my life. Then her Dad's girlfriend came out and we met and all was going well she made a nice dinner and we were doing great everyone was getting along and I was thinking to myself man they sure are nice people.
So now It's about 8 at night and Tabatha and her Dad's girlfriend go in the kitchen and start doing the dishes and I offered to help but they refused...
Okay so this is where the story gets less boring.. (I thank you if you are still reading this because it is about to get good.) So Jamie (Tabatha's Dad) asks me to come take a look at his 69' Comaro , me being the car lover that I am I accepted lol...So we get outside and its this beautiful glossy black 69' Comaro. He starts talking to me about all the stuff he did to the car and he starts it up and it was like a cat purring... then It started to shake and cut off.. So he pops open the hood and toys with it after about 15 minutes I ask to try and immediately I went to the carburetor and on those old Chevy's they have an idler adjustment switch so i toyed with it he started it and it was fine... He thanks me And as were walking inside he asks to talk to me for a minute... I was like sure.. So he says Look I know you like my daughter and I notice your Tattoos and Piercings and they don't bother me at all because some of my best friends are Tattooed...I didn't know what to say and before i could get anything out he goes... I don't need my daughter hanging around any wet backs(I'm hispanic and German) I GUESS HE DIDNT KNOW I WAS GERMAN !@#$#!!! And I hate racism...I was like Excuse me? He says.. yeah stay away from my daughter because you don't belong with her.. Now normally I would let the guy have it because I don't take that racism crap...He's like yeah ... So i say look maybe you don't know this but IVE NEVER EVEN BEEN TO MEXICO AND I THINK WHAT YOU HAVE JUST SAID IS THE MOST IGNORANT THING I HAVE EVER HEARD. I WAS BORN IN SARASOTA, FLORIDA, MY DAD IS AN ENGINEER AND MY MOM IS A PYSCOLOGIST AND MAYBE IF YOU HAD KNOWN ME FOR LONGER THAN 2 HOURS YOU WOULD KNOW THAT MY FATHER IS WHITE AND IT SHOULD NOT MATTER ANYWAY AND I CAN ASSURE YOU I AM NOT A "WET BACK" AS YOU SAY BY ANY STRETCH OF YOUR DULL CLOSE MINDED IMAGINATION OKAY MAN!! He just looks at me, smiles at me... Then he says calm down John... I was just kidding i'm not racist.... I was Pi**ed. At this point i was like what ever. We walk in and there is Tabatha all happy now I was about to just say lets go and leave but we stayed for a good 20 minutes more then left..She was happy the whole way back to my apartment and I didn't want to spoil her mood. I didn't tell her about what her Father had said to me and I don't know if I should and I don't know if he was joking and I guess if he was I would still be mad but I would get over it..But why would he say something like that? Anyway it was an interesting night and I just needed to vent.
JUST RACISM IS JUST SO INFURIATING TO ME!!!!!!
post #2 of 18
Yikes! Regardless of whether he was joking, that is a very inappropriate thing to say.

But my advice would be to wait a day or two to let your anger diminish a little and then mention it to your girlfriend. Ask her if that's the kind of joke her father does often and tell her it bothered you. Don't say that you think her father is a racist jerk or that you don't like him because that would automatically put her on the defensive and you could end up with a bad fight on your hands. Tell her instead that you didn't like the comment.
post #3 of 18
I agree with the above poster
Jess x
post #4 of 18
That was a terrible thing to say wheather he was joking or not.
If it was my brother in law there would have been a fight.
He is Mexican and Native American and was not born in Mexico either.
My stepmom is Mexican and was born in Mexico but has been here for 50 years at least.
post #5 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by marie-p View Post
Yikes! Regardless of whether he was joking, that is a very inappropriate thing to say.

But my advice would be to wait a day or two to let your anger diminish a little and then mention it to your girlfriend. Ask her if that's the kind of joke her father does often and tell her it bothered you. Don't say that you think her father is a racist jerk or that you don't like him because that would automatically put her on the defensive and you could end up with a bad fight on your hands. Tell her instead that you didn't like the comment.


I sure hope he wasn't serious. But even if he wasn't, it wasn't a very nice thing to say.

My dad was racist, too. He would never make remarks like that to someone's face though - which doesn't mean it makes it any better.

He should be giving you a chance, and not placing a "label" on you. Some of the nicest peeps I've known are from Mexican decent - including a dear friend of ours who passed away recently, and one of our very own members here at TCS - CoolCat, who's just a sweetie. It's a shame that some peeps have to be that way. It makes me sad.

I sure hope everything works out for you!
post #6 of 18
Wow, I'm speechless. I agree, wait a few days and tell Tabatha what he said and see what she has to say about it. It could be that her father just has a very sick (and VERY inappropriate) sense of humor. In a way, it almost sounds like he was "testing" you or trying to intimidate you because you were going out with his daughter. Fathers can be strange sometimes, but that isn't an excuse. It's just weird because you were getting along with him fine. I don't know....men still confuse me.
post #7 of 18
Well, first of all: STANDING OVATION for the way you responded! Well done, sir!

Second... if he was "kidding," then he is an ignorant, clueless boor. If he wasn't kidding (and I don't believe he was), then he is an ignorant, clueless, racist boor.

Either way, not someone you want in your life. I hope you aren't thinking of marrying this girl!
post #8 of 18
People don't say things like that in jest. He meant it, and when you called him on it, he tried to turn it around. What a jerk!

I would suggest staying away from him.

I agree with Carol. I hope you aren't intending to marry this girl. Doing so means that you are going to be subject to that racist pig on a regular basis. Unfortunately when you marry someone you aren't just marrying that one person, you are marrying her whole family. And guaranteed if there is one like him in the family, there are others. He gets it from somewhere.
post #9 of 18
Thread Starter 
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
People don't say things like that in jest. He meant it, and when you called him on it, he tried to turn it around. What a jerk!

I would suggest staying away from him.

I agree with Carol. I hope you aren't intending to marry this girl. Doing so means that you are going to be subject to that racist pig on a regular basis. Unfortunately when you marry someone you aren't just marrying that one person, you are marrying her whole family. And guaranteed if there is one like him in the family, there are others. He gets it from somewhere.
I'm not sure...I know she is very special to me... I know I do not want to have to justify myself to anyone. I think I love her though... I think she will understand when I tell her.. I know shell listen...
post #10 of 18
I would have told him where to go but then again I have a nasty temper. But I agree with other posts saying to calmly discuss it with her and go from there.
post #11 of 18
Well if it was a joke, it was a mean spirited one. I think it's more likely he wasn't joking, and when he realized he was about to cause a scene he quickly tried to cover it up. He had no right to do that, and you had every right to be angry. I would talk to your gf about it, but try not to bad mouth him too much, just be honest. He is her father, you don't want to start a war between them, just create some peace hopefully. Maybe she can have a talk with him and assure him that you are indeed a wonderful guy. Unfortunately racism still exists, and you can't fight it with hatred. If you continue to just be yourself around him, eventually you'll probably win him over. The same thing happend with my grandpa, he was always very racist, and when his son started seriously dating a chinese woman he was so against it. But she is such a kind hearted woman, she eventually won him over. And it has changed him, I never hear him make those kinds of comments anymore.
post #12 of 18
In her defense though my dad is a racist and I am not so I would not hold it against her at all, unless she doesn't seem bothered by what he has said. Which if she is dating you I am sure she would be. My dad is very open about how he feels and so sometimes holidays are difficult because three of my bil's sisters are married to a black man and my dad makes little under the breath comments and my cousin is living with a black man and he refuses to invite her to the house because she might bring him over even though her daughter is biracial he will not accept it. He has only seen my cousin's daughter twice and he gritted his teeth both times. And this cousin was raised with us like a younger sister. And he informed us when we were kids if we ever became involved with a blackman he would disown us. It didn't stop either one of us from dating who we wanted but we hid it. So I guess I have to give your girlfriend alot of credit for being braver than me and my sister. Because it takes alot of courage to stand upto your parents like that. And I guess if my dad hadn't been our whole world growing up we might have but he was all we had so we didn't want to hurt him.
post #13 of 18
Wow! I am glad to have read your whole story!

Well, only you know if it needs to be talked about with the girl. honestly, i dont see what differnece it could make. if he ever sayd anything like that again, yes you should bring it up (and maybe knock him out!) but you handled it so well, its often hard to think on your feet. that is such a shame he was so cruel. many people in my family are very close minded, its not ok, but the much older ones in my family were just brought up that way. i have always been very open minded, and i see some of that rubbing off on them over the years thank goodness!

only time and love can change their minds and hearts.
post #14 of 18
Wow, well done you for standing up for yourself but not going over the top. I think the others all made great points, about maybe waiting a couple of days then picking a good moment to talk to your girl.
post #15 of 18
Good for you for standing your ground.

Unfortunatly- in this day and age- people still say things that make me cringe. And when it's family members- I just have to bite my tounge.

For example- my mom came and visited me. We picked my youngest up at school. My mom said "Are there ANY white teachers in this school">
The security guard (who was filling in for the regular security guard) I guess was Black. I don't know- I wasn't paying attention to what color he was- I only wanted to make sure he was calling the right kid!

First of all- my kids are NOT at an inner city school. It is a well-respected middle class school. Second of all- who the heck gives a darn as to what color skin TEACHER my kid has? My dtr's pulling in all A's this grading period. As long as the teacher's doing the job he/she is supposed do- I don't care if the person's yellow with orange polkadots!
post #16 of 18
You have every right to be furious - that kind of behavior, whether a "joke" or not, is simply unacceptable. Your response was a good one. I'd wait a bit before discussing it with your girlfriend, as others have suggested. That way you can talk about the whole experience as objectively as possible.
post #17 of 18
Quote:
Originally Posted by Natalie_ca View Post
People don't say things like that in jest. He meant it, and when you called him on it, he tried to turn it around. What a jerk!...


Don't let him ruin the relationship you have with his daughter. (I sure would hate to be judged because of what my parents say.) Accept the bottom line, that he was joking, and try to forget the rest.

The guy is a total moron.
post #18 of 18
Thread Starter 
I told Tabatha what happened and she felt really bad...which made me feel bad and she talked to her dad and he apologized to me on the phone... i dont care if he meant it or not really though.... but i guess were gonna "start over" well see how that works out though....
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